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Photo: Garden figurines depicting southern Thai culture; the equivalent of gnomes in an English garden What's On This Page?
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Thailand - Culture Page 2
The answers I got, in addition to what I already knew, convinced me that it was not a good move. I just couldn't see how the business could be viable. I told her I didn't have the money, which wasn't true, but I didn't want to refuse her so made an excuse. She went to her grandmother instead who coughed up the money straight away as a loan. The amount in question wasn't a lot by Western standards but a vast amount for her. The eventual outcome was that everything fell through so she just gave the loan money back to her grandmother. The fact that her grandmother had this money quite surprised me because although Iss never has much money herself she is always expected to hand over Bt500 or Bt1,000 to her grandmother whenever she visits. Why? I asked her one day. The answer came back, "Bunkhun." This is sometimes referred to as, 'repaying the breast milk.' Her parents divorced when she was a baby and both remarried, raising new families. Iss was unwanted by both parents and her grandmother brought her up. She therefore has a strong bunkhun relationship with her grandmother as do all Thais with their parents and guardians and it is extremely powerful. Mothers suffer the pain of childbirth and nourish their children when they are completely helpless in the world. They do this out of love and kindness, asking nothing in return. This is the ultimate bunkhun but there are other forms. There is a bunkhun relationship between teachers and pupils as teachers, through their goodness, guide students through life. It's quite sad actually how some farang 'teachers' behave in Thailand when their role is such an important one. The recipient in a bunkhun relationship has a deep sense of indebted gratitude that, in the case of parents, can never be fully repaid. Throughout their lives Thais will continue repaying the bunkhun even if the other person has no need for the money. To stop doing so would be a severe case of ingratitude, punishable in all likelihood, by instant Karmic retribution. Men who have Thai partners will know that she sends money back to her parents often. It is probable that she has money from being in a farang relationship and they don't so it is understandable. On the other hand, her parents may already have money but she will still send money back. This is bunkhun coming into effect. It is so powerful that girls without a farang sponsored income will even resort to prostitution in order to get money to repay their bunkhun. Sex trafficking in Thailand. For more information about bunkhun the Niels Mulder book referenced above and this link, The Thai Character, are both good resources.
It's a tough one at times. There aren't many Thais I don't like, in fact most of the Thais I know I have a deep affection for. They may be a shy race but they aren't too shy about asking for money. Sometimes the request is for a loan but it will never be repaid. It's quite often not for a large amount either and the situation will always seem quite desperate. This person who you really like seems to be in desperate trouble and for the price of a theatre ticket you can make a big difference to their life. So, what do you do? When I first got to Thailand the temptation was just to hand over the money. The trouble is, it never stops. After that person is confident you will give them money they will come back for me. Others will too as word gets around. And then there are the people you don't know - the blind singers and their seeing wives who walk around every restaurant in the evenings begging from diners. The crippled people on the streets with damaged legs, awful skin complaints and one I saw who had an advanced case of elephantiasis. Some people genuinely have no source of income and are unable to work. Others play the begging game and they are not just Thais. Illegal immigrants from poor neighbouring countries come into Thailand to beg from wealthy tourists. The reasons I have heard for needing money have always been honourable - paying for children's (or younger sibling's) education, or to keep an elderly relative. The reasons for falling into debt may be genuine and unavoidable but perhaps it was due to irresponsibility? Credit is easy to get in Thailand and many Thais will borrow money and only think about repayments when the first instalment is due. Giving away money is of course a very personal issue and I wouldn't dare presume to tell anyone what they should do. Personally, I still give a few Baht away to people who I think genuinely can't work. The other thing I do occasionally is to buy food and water for people begging on the street. If I give them money I'm never sure where it is going but if I buy food there is never any doubt. After hearing so many hard-luck stories I have been kind of desensitised and now I no longer feel an outpouring of pity and the need to rummage around in my pocket every time I hear one. The Thais themselves are quite cynical about beggars. This is a land where nothing comes free and everything has to be worked for. A Thai will have to be very certain that someone is really in need before making a contribution. Thais are very selective who they give money to and several times I've heard them say, "He's got two arms, two legs and a brain - he can work." Anyone who they consider could work will get nothing but they have no qualms giving money to those in genuine need. As I said, it's a very personal decision.
The majority of Thais have never stepped outside of the country. They have nothing to compare their own culture with and naturally they find it perfectly reasonable. However, very occasionally I hear things from the Thais themselves which reassures me I am not (yet) losing my sanity. I met a dentist, a very intelligent and well-educated lady originally from Bangkok who had first studied in Chiang Mai before going to the States to further her studies and work. She ended up spending eight years in the US and grew quite accustomed to the Western way of life. When she returned to Thailand a Thai colleague asked her if she had suffered from culture shock. Her answer was quite surprising. She had suffered no culture shock when she went to America but after eight years of living there she suffered culture when she came back to Thailand. She reminded me of another aspect of 'face' in Thailand which she said gave her a real headache. If you ask someone to do something in Thailand and they are incapable of doing the task or they plain don't want to do it they won't say no. (Refusing is construed as losing face again). They will say yes but then they won't do it. You think they are going to do whatever it was you asked them to do - because they agreed to - but nothing happens. The lady in question seemed a busy and efficient type of person who liked to get things done. In America she could rely on someone completing a task if they said they would. If they couldn't, or didn't want to do it, they would tell her and she could then ask someone else. This all seems quite logical to most Westerners. When she returned to Thailand she asked people to do things who agreed but then didn't do anything. No wonder it gave her a headache. Yes, it is possible to suffer from culture shock in Thailand. My experience is that it doesn't hit you in the face as soon as you arrive but that it is quite subtle and more noticeable the longer you stay in the country. There aren't big differences in behaviour but lots of little ones and over a period of time the little pieces of 'strange' behaviour accumulate to remind you that, yes, Thailand really is different.
Some of my students tried to explain it to me by giving a few examples which I will relate here. Imagine you are very thirsty and someone offers you a drink. What would be your response? Mine would be to say, "Oh, yes please, I'm parched," or words to that effect. Not in Thailand. Even if someone offers you something it is not good form to accept - even if you very much want what is being offered - because accepting will then inconvenience the person who made the offer. It's not being grayng-jai. Strange, huh? Or is it just me? In one of my small Thai language guide books the example given for grayng-jai is about smoking in someone else's presence. One person smokes and the other person doesn't say anything about it because of it not being grayng-jai. I asked my students about this as I am often afflicted by Thais smoking in restaurants when there are 'No Smoking' signs everywhere and no one seems to care. My students confirmed what was in the book. They told me that the person smoking was not being grayng-jai because they weren't showing any consideration for others but also that other people wouldn't say anything against their smoking due to grayng-jai. What it seems to boil down to is that considerate behaviour is very much a personal decision and if an individual chooses not to be considerate to others then no one will say anything. The 'Thai' part of Thailand means free and for Thais, having the freedom to do what they want with no one telling them otherwise is a very important part of the culture. It helps to explain the attitude to law and helps to explain why laws are so poorly enforced. The general sense of freedom in Thailand is quite appealing and attracts a lot of foreigners who themselves don't have much regard for authority. No one wants to live in a police state or be told what to do all the time but sometimes in Thailand I wish that the authorities, and people in general, would intervene a bit more with socially unacceptable behaviour.
This aspect of Thai culture runs very deep and - like some other aspects of the culture - I think it can be a good thing but I also think it can do harm. Partly because of grayng-jai and partly because of the reverence towards older people in society (especially teachers), students will not tell a teacher if they have a problem understanding. As a teacher I have tried my hardest to elicit feedback from Thai students to make sure I am doing the right things to make my teaching effective. To me, the feedback process is important. However, it's just impossible because they won't tell me anything they think might offend me. It's the same throughout Thai society. The people at the top do whatever they want and the underlings won't speak out. It's not just grayng-jai, it's also to do with the very hierarchical society in which people do not question their 'superiors'. As a foreigner living in Thailand, don't take things at face value. Think about what might be going on from a Thai culture perspective. Did something you do result in a loss of face; is someone trying to be respectful to you even if they think you are wrong; is someone trying to protect your feelings? If you ignore these things and take what you see, or are told, at face value it may be that you will get lulled into a false sense of security and will then suffer quite a shock when the true feelings are revealed.
As I've covered elsewhere, Thais do virtually want they want on the roads irrespective of any traffic laws. There are clear laws about foreigners working in Thailand but many foreigners just ignore these, as do their employers. "Don't worry about work permits and visas," I've been told, "no one ever checks." Even fairly official looking Internet resources like TEFLAsia basically tell people not to bother with getting the correct documents if they want to work in Thailand. No-smoking signs are blatantly ignored despite the fact there are laws against smoking in public air-conditioned buildings. Politicians conceal assets and buy votes, which is illegal of course. All the way through society there is little respect for the law. So, why bother having laws? I guess the answer to that is that you have to have laws, don't you? As a foreigner from a fairly law-abiding society it has taken me a bit of getting used to. Foreigners are not guilt free of law breaking. There is hardly a driver on British motorways who does not exceed the speed limit. However, there is a subtle difference. In the UK the speed limit has been the same since the opening of the first motorway when people drove around in old Austins with drum brakes and shaky suspension. The speed limit hasn't changed despite the enormous improvements in car technology and safety. Driving a modern car at 100mph is a lot safer than driving a Morris Minor at 70mph. It is breaking the law but in this case the law is outdated. Even though foreigners may not like laws I think they respect why the law exists and they follow it but the attitude in Thailand is somewhat different. Let's take one law and compare attitudes in the UK and Thailand. The seat belt law. I am old enough to remember when driving without a seat belt was legal. However, statistical evidence had proven that seat belts saved lives so a law was introduced making their use compulsory for drivers and front seat passengers. At first people didn't like it. The belts seemed restrictive and some questioned civil liberties, the fact they were told to do something they didn't want to do. Even more annoying than wearing seat belts was the sight of Jimmy Saville on TV constantly urging everyone to, "Clunk, click on every trip." After a while people got used to wearing them and it was no big deal. Nowadays it actually seems quite strange to drive a car without wearing a belt. Deep down, motorists knew it was a good thing really so got used to wearing them. The other incentive for wearing belts was that the police strictly enforced the law. In Thailand it is also compulsory to wear seat belts but few people do. The difference is that the Thais just see it as an affront to their freedom and can't understand why there is a law. The enforcement of the law is a bit of a joke too. For starters there is very little enforcement and when there is it is not done very sincerely. There is a big cultural difference between Thai and Western society in this respect. Westerners don't like a lot of laws but understand why the laws are in place and follow them. Thais don't respect a lot of laws and treat them with contempt. The surprising thing is that it is not an anarchic society. With this general attitude of lawlessness you'd think there would be a break down in law and order but there isn't. Most Thais are such nice, gentle people that it never gets to this. They tend to regulate themselves and even though I never see a beat policeman in my neighbourhood it is generally quite safe. It's a different story on the road where the ridiculous amount of road deaths each year would definitely be decreased if laws were enforced. Whether or not Thai attitude to the law is acceptable to you as an individual is a personal thing but it is something to be considered if you are contemplating living in, or retiring, to Thailand. Some people don't see a problem when breaking the law if there are no victims. But is this true that there are no victims? There may not be any direct victims but people are affected indirectly. Drivers running red lights when it suits them may not harm anyone 99 times out of a hundred but sooner or later there will be an accident.
To Comply with the Law or not?
When I came to Thailand I wasn't planning to work. I had an income from abroad, plus savings, and finding a job wasn't part of the plan. However, after a while, job offers started to arrive, especially for teaching English. Ability with the English language is quite important for Thais nowadays and Thais are about the worst English speakers in Southeast Asia. Most Thais have an ability to read and write, and their knowledge of English grammar is probably better than that of the average Briton, but speaking and listening skills are very weak. I live in a part of Thailand where few farangs want to live and there is a shortage of foreign teachers. I have a pretty sound educational background, many years business experience with the world's foremost IT company and also a formal TEFL teaching qualification. Suddenly I found myself in quite a lot of demand. Teaching, provided it is in the right environment with good students, can be very rewarding. Not only is it a way of developing relationships with Thai people, it is a way of making a contribution to Thai society. I decided that I would work but I was aware that I needed the appropriate visa. On previous tourist visas it had been stamped 'Employment Prohibited' and Thai law is completely unambiguous. If a foreigner does any kind of work in Thailand, even charity work, they need a work visa. The law is black-and-white on the matter and completely crystal clear. When I asked my employer to give me an offer letter in order to get a non-B visa he seemed surprised and told me not to bother. He said I was only working part-time and didn't need one. That's not what the government says, however. I am a Brit and used to doing things the 'right' way so was insistent about the issue. My employer was happy to help me with supporting documentation but I was aware that the hassle and expense of getting the right paperwork would be mine. The trips down to Penang, visa and work permit fees were all paid for out of my own pocket. I also paid a solicitor to assist me with the work permit process. In addition to what it has cost me financially it has taken a lot of time and at times been a real headache. The Thais are very bureaucratic and it has taken multiple visits to government offices in most cases to get what I have wanted. I have given my employer several forms to complete, have written to previous employers for references and involved my family in the UK to send documents I needed from home. It hasn't been a lot of fun. My girlfriend also wonders why I bothered. According to her, the laws are only for labourers from Laos and Myanmar, not for farangs teaching university students. Yes, in Thailand the laws only apply to certain sectors of society apparently. My employer still insists it is unnecessary for part-time workers. Other Thais have also questioned why I bothered. I know that many foreigners work in Thailand illegally and nothing ever happens to them. They just get their 30 day stamps which keeps immigration happy, and does not make them subject to overstay fines, and they work without the official paperwork. Not only are the offenders not punished but it seems that those who want to do things properly are punished. I have been given a really hard time by immigration and all I've wanted to do is to work legally and pay them some money for the privilege of doing so. Some officers have taken it upon themselves to question why I am teaching English and not Thai teachers? That attitude is one of the many reasons why Thais generally have very poor English skills and you will understand what I mean if you have ever heard a Thai English teacher speaking English. It's a lot easier finding foreign workers to pick on who walk through their doors announcing they have a job than leaving the comfort of their air-conditioned offices to find illegal workers. So, what should you do? If you get a job for a professional organisation they should take care of everything anyway but if you are in a situation like myself it becomes an option. There is no answer as it is a personal decision. I can't tell you that the law is a farce and just to ignore it but I also can't tell you that you must do everything officially when so many people consider it a complete waste of time and money. My personal view is that I don't like to do anything that breaks the law. Even though getting the correct paperwork has cost me time and money, I feel happier about having it. As my employer mentioned also, it might be OK working illegally most of the time but if you upset someone for whatever reason and they inform the authorities then you could be in hot water. The whole issue of (lack of) law enforcement frustrates me enormously in Thailand. The laws are basically good but they are just ignored or used at someone's discretion. The laws about labour ensure that only educated people with past records of employment are employed, and that can only be a good thing. The reality in many parts of Thailand is that language schools are desperately short of native speaking teachers and if a paedophile or a drunken incompetent with no teaching ability turns up on the door he will probably be employed if he has white skin and speaks English as his first language. As a foreigner you are powerless to change the way Thais do things but you can decide what you do about your own situation. I've just given one example, that of working legally, but it doesn't stop there. If you are a road user you will observe what Thais do and then have to decide whether you do the same or follow the law. Just because everyone else breaks the law doesn't mean it is right. It basically comes down to personal standards and morals. My theory about why things are like this in Thailand is that there are far more powerful factors involved in keeping society in order than written laws, which are basically a Western concept. The strict social hierarchy does a pretty good job of regulating society. People know their place, they respect and defer to their superiors, and they don't tend to be very rebellious. The problem for foreigners is they don't have any inherent appreciation of the Thai social structure. If they do, they don't quite know where they fit in and, in any case, many foreigners don't want to fit in. Fitting in requires acknowledging that some Thai people are 'better' than them and foreigners don't defer to others unconditionally like the Thais do. The society works, there is no doubt about that, and it works pretty well. Because of the culture gap though it is something that can be a problem to foreigners.
As indicated, this order is totally natural and is not questioned in Thailand. If a fair and just Western style legal system was applied there may be cases in some legal disputes where this natural order could be upset. For instance, in a dispute over property rights between a farang man and a Thai woman the man may actually be found to be the winner of the case, perish the thought. The law is therefore ambiguous enough to take into consideration such anomalies so that the natural order can be maintained. If it suits though, the letter of the law can be applied. Farangs dropping even the smallest piece of litter in Bangkok will be fined Bt2,000 because that's what the law says. As far as justice is concerned, we are all walking evidence of justice. Is is not something to be meted out by humble men when there are already karmic forces present to take care of things. The rich man must be rich for good deeds he has done in the past and not because he is corrupt and undertakes dodgy dealings. He will therefore not be questioned. People who lead hard lives obviously didn't do enough in their past lives. There is a general attitude that people get what they deserve in life. As a foreigner in Thailand you should be aware of where you stand and forget any notions of Western justice.
Corruption first. What Westerners see as corruption is often not even seen as corruption in Thailand. Take for instance the driver who gets stopped for an offence by a traffic cop and pays some 'tea money' in order to escape getting a ticket. To Thais this is just two people helping each other out; an admirable thing to do in Thailand. The driver is helped out by not getting a ticket and the cop is helped out by getting a little extra cash to supplement his meagre salary. Where's the corruption in that? The government minister who awards a contract to the company that his brother-in-law part owns or has shares in is not being corrupt. He is just helping out someone who is close to him. What's the problem? I have made not necessarily very flattering remarks about the morality of prostitutes in Thailand and been rebuked by good Thai friends who defend the girls. The Thai attitude is that the girls need to look after their families and this is the only line of business they are able to carry out where they can earn sufficient money to provide that support. I can actually understand the Thai argument but as a foreigner it is difficult to accept. All they are doing is working around a system that is fundamentally flawed and it is flawed because of Thai culture. The answer is not to continue working around flawed logic but to change the culture. To be a truly developed country and to align government and business practices with the developed world this has to happen. The biggest problem Thailand has in its development is accepting this and trying to make changes that are already deeply ingrained. I am not convinced that this will ever happen. OK, that was all rather negative but it's something I feel strongly about because many of my Thai friends are at the lower end of he scale in society and are adversely affected by such corruption. There are many positive sides to the culture and I will also cover those. The other point to make about corruption is that Thailand isn't unique. Across the border in Malaysia it is worse and countries like the Philippines have suffered from massive corruption over many years. But it is not limited to developing countries. Could there be a more corrupt leadership than what exists in the world's most powerful country right now?
The ironic thing was that the individuals who wanted to be different from everyone else all started to look the same and then lost the individualism they were seeking. In all societies there will always be individuals who don't want to conform but the culture of that society plays a big part in determining how most people behave. I have never been to Japan but have seen pictures of Japanese youngsters who dress quite outrageously. I believe that Japanese society is highly regulated and quite repressed. My assumption is that these outrageous displays of individualism are a personal revolt against a strict society. Thai society is very free and easy going. The Thais do pretty much what they want to do although there are cultural borders that aren't crossed. For this reason there seems to be no great desire to express individualism because there is no need. I have seen Thai punks but they are rare and they are probably only 'weekend punks'. Free thinking among the Thais is not a big pursuit. Westerners are all very opinionated, especially it seems those living in Thailand, and are not shy about expressing their opinions. The Thais don't as a general rule. In complete contrast to expressing their individualism by wearing outrageous clothes, many Thais wear uniforms which indicate they are happy to belong to organisations and society rather than wanting to be apart on their own. Every Thai student has a uniform and wears it with pride. Many Thai shops dress their employees similarly to show collective belonging. It may not be a uniform as such but they will wear the same polo-shirts or the same colour tops. I have met very few Thais who are loners. Most hate eating, sleeping or just being alone. Western society is going completely the other way with millions of people who now live alone. This is actually very bad for our mental health but Western people do it for a variety of reasons. I think this is yet something else the Thais have got right but in their quest to become more Westernised they risk becoming unhappy if they try to emulate too much. It is one of the things that makes Thailand such a wonderfully welcoming country for foreigners. A foreigner can just show up in Thailand but needn't be lonely. After making these comments I was quite surprised to read from another source that Thais have, "an intriguing amount of individualism." I guess that it's really a case of semantics and how you define individualism. If individualism means individuals setting themselves apart from the crowd in the way they appear, behave and think; I don't see much of that in Thailand. If, on the other hand, individualism means individuals doing whatever the hell they want to do with no regard for law or other people; then, yes, I see quite a few young Thai males who are individuals.
"Sohng saan," is something I hear a lot in Thailand and the Thais do help people they feel pity for. The normal foreign rationale in understanding Thai behaviour is to relate it to Buddhism. Helping less-fortunate people is a good form of merit-making which should be good for the Karma deposit account. However, not all Thais are Buddhists and a lot of the ones that are aren't very good Buddhists. I think they do it because they are genuinely kind, caring people who don't like to see other people suffer. Unfortunately, as with most things that involve good will, there is a certain amount of abuse. A lot of kids I see begging on pedestrian bridges run back to their mothers occasionally who are selling food from a street stall down below. With a working mother they really should be at school and not begging for handouts. At the temples on big Buddhist holidays lots of beggars turn up hoping for some pity in the form of cash. The Thais are quite wary. At a Buddhist ceremony I attended I was stopped from giving money to a beggar by a Thai friend because the beggar didn't appear genuine. Many foreigners don't understand what is going on though and hand out money to any pitiful case which is why there are far more beggars in tourist areas than anywhere else. The girls are also very, very good at eliciting pity. They can turn on the tears at will and give all manner of heart-rending stories about themselves and their families. Sometimes it's genuine but it can be used as a device. It's just something to watch out for.
Thailand is completely the opposite and it is one of the things that makes the country such a delight to live in (especially coming from Britain). Thais go out of their way to avoid confrontation and this is one way in which the famous Thai smile is used. It's difficult to get aggressive and confrontational with someone if they smile at you. People everywhere have the same problems and frustrations but how we deal with them is influenced by our culture. Westerners tend to have an over-inflated opinion of self. When things aren't going their way it is someone else's fault and, in a confrontational culture, it is the done thing to confront people. Thais are taught to be compliant from an early age and are made very aware of where they fit into society. They are not taught that the world revolves around them, but that they are part of a greater society. Going about their daily lives, they meet obstacles in the form of other people but have a completely different way of handling such situations. Rather than demand a confrontation, the thinking is that it is better they pass smoothly by each other so that each party can continue on their course. This makes so much sense when you think about it but is completely lost on the British. Getting into a confrontational situation with a Thai will not get you what you want but will have completely the opposite effect. They will just walk away and have nothing to do with you - if you are lucky. If you are unlucky and choose to get into a confrontation with the wrong person it could have serious consequences. In Thailand you won't see many instances of rage, be it on the road or anywhere else. Generally it is a peaceful and harmonious way of life which is far more preferable to where I come from and one of the primary reasons I have no great desire to return to that cold, wet, miserable little island with a sick society that shows no sign of being cured.
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