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Thailand - Girls Page 1
Visitors To This Page
Different parts of this site attract visitors from certain countries, but this particular page gets visitors from all over the world. The appeal of Thai girls is truly international.
Although this page has been around for several years, the following flag counter has only been counting since 9th September 2011.
In the process of rewriting this site in 2015 I keep coming across common themes. Firstly, nothing is as it initially appears in Thailand. The second is that many aspects of Thailand seem perfect at first, but deeper analysis reveals they are far from perfect.
The coming together of Thai girls and Western men should be a match made in heaven. Many of the girls are desperately poor and, in addition, they have no opportunities in life because of the way that Thai society works.
They don't put a lot of importance on the age or looks of their partners, but instead just want someone to take care of them.
On the other side of the fence there are many Western men who have been sidelined in their home countries because of the way their societies work. If their appearances don't conform to the ideas of perfection that Western women have, or if they are over a certain age, it is impossible for them to have a relationship with a young, attractive woman.
They have money and they want a long-term partner to take care of, but this in unachievable at home. In Thailand it is very achievable and a poor Thai girl finding such a man should be eternally grateful for the huge quality of life improvement that he gives her.
The only problem with this view is that it is the view of a Western man and we cannot project Western beliefs, values and ways of thinking on Thais because their values, beliefs and ways of thinking are very different.
Poor Thais don't necessarily see anything wrong with their lives, despite the squalor they live in and their lack of opportunities they have. They have been indoctrinated since they were born to believe that they live in the best country on Earth and they do seem genuinely satisfied with their lives in Thailand.
There's just one small problem.
It's a problem that affects about 99% of Thais and the problem is that they never have enough money. Thailand is not a poor country. It's a rich country with a lot of poor people.
The wealth that exists in the country means that all Thais are exposed to all sorts of desirable material possessions and, despite what their religion teaches them, they lust continually over money and material goods.
Thailand is a highly inequitable country and unless a Thai is born into the right family that person will not have any opportunities in life in Thailand. People from poor backgrounds might be very smart, but they still won't have any opportunities. A Thai politician once said that the most poor Northeasterners can aspire to in life is working as a maid or a petrol pump attendant. They were harsh words, but not too far from the truth.
This means that if they want better lives they have to look further afield.
However, if you head down Orchard Road to Orchard Towers in Singapore, a place renowned for its prostitution, you will meet lots of Thai girls.
I have talked elsewhere on this site about the Thai tendency to take the path of least resistance. Many Thais want the most amount of money for the least amount of work and working as a maid means working hard for long hours for little money. They will get one day off a week where they can socialise with other members of the Thai community in Golden Mile Complex, but it isn't much fun.
Conversely, sex doesn't take a lot of effort and the pay is a lot better.
Many aren't really looking for a relationship. Their primary motive is money and they will do whatever it takes to get that money. They cheat and con Western men and treat them unfairly, but life hasn't treated them fairly so why should they care?
And besides, if the Western men are stupid enough to fall for the lies and deceit it's their fault. The match made in heaven can suddenly turn into a nightmare.
Thais generally are very perceptive and good at reading people. The girls understand the frailties of Western men and know how to press all the right buttons.
In Patong I once saw a Western guy who was a real fat slob. He was sitting in a beer bar holding his can of beer while an Isaan girl stood behind him massaging his shoulders. This kind of thing can be addictive for those men who are deprived of this kind of attention at home and naturally they will want to try to make it permanent.
One way is to take a Thai girl home. I have no experience of this, but of the Thai girls I know living abroad some adapt very well while others always miss home.
If you choose to live in Thailand it starts to get very risky because of the way that Thai law protects Thais while giving foreigners no rights at all. Over the course of time you ended up handing over more and more money to your Thai partner and if they decide to end the realtionship there have been cases where Western men have been left with absolutely nothing.
Nonetheless, it is still possible for Western men to meet good Thai girls. Obviously, the first thing they should do is to avoid going to places that attract ruthless, greedy Thai girls. Unfortunately, most don't and this is their first mistake.
I met my wife while teaching and none of the men I know in Thailand with Thai wives met their wives in beer bars in Phuket or Pattaya.
Avoid the tourist resorts, don't be in a hurry, learn about the country, learn about the girls, learn about the language, learn about the culture, and don't project your own values, beliefs and ways of thinking on people who are very different to you.
Thailand has become very Westernised in the last 50 years and to the casual visitor the country can look quite similar to home. It isn't until you have lived in the country for several years and got to know how Thais think that you realise just how different it is.
The girls are such good actresses and so good at manipulating men that whenever Western men write to me they always say the same thing. They don't ask for advice because 1) they have already made up their own minds and 2) they probably wouldn't like my advice.
They simply want me to confirm that what they are doing is right and want some reassurance that everything will be OK. They always tell me that the particular girl they have met is different to every other Thai girl. In a country of 67 million people they always manage to meet the one girl who is different to the rest.
Actually, they are never any different.
Wait For Your Second Visit
First, the man goes to a tourist resort in Thailand and meets a bar girl. He pays for her not to work in the bar and they have a great time. He falls in love with her and she insists that her feelings are the same, even though she may be 45 years younger than him. She is the most perfect girl he has ever met.
He tells me that she hates her work and the men she has to go with, but she is forced to do it to support her family. He isn't interested in what I have to say because that only applies to other Thai girls and not to the one he has met because she is different to all the rest. She always is.
He returns home and the correspondence ceases for a while. The only thought on his mind is getting back to Thailand to be with the girl who loves him so much.
That second visit is always an interesting one. She knows that she is now in a position of power over the man and that is when she starts to make demands. The man - being naive - is surprised at her behaviour because he thought the relationship was about love, not money. Don't be naive. With poor Thai girls it is always about money, and the vast majority of Western men in Thailand get involved with poor Thai girls.
One man who wrote described a slightly different situation on his second visit. Between his first and second visits, another foreigner had appeared on the scene offering more money to the family.
On his second visit he was told about this, and also told that he could outbid the other man. I've heard other tales of foreign men getting involved in bidding wars over Thai girls. If you find yourself in that situation, my advice would be to simply walk away. It's not worth it.
After the second visit, the 'relationship' normally ends and I normally get an e-mail saying I was right.
If you go down the tourist resort/bar girl route expect the same. There are lots of great girls in Thailand who don't just view foreign men as ATMs with which they can support their families. However, you're not going to meet them in a Phuket or Pattaya beer bar.
Plan to spend an extended time in Thailand, keep away from tourist resorts, learn to speak some Thai, and meet girls who don't sell their bodies for a living. Thai girls working as teachers or nurses are my personal favourites, and there are lots of them. You won't get to sleep with them five minutes after your first meeting but in the long run you will have far fewer problems.
There are many reasons to stay away from Thai girls selling their bodies. It doesn't matter whether they do this while working in a bar, in a massage shop, or in a Karaoke place. Sex is sold through various channels in Thailand but no matter how it is sold the girl involved is still a prostitute.
Having made this career choice it demonstrates that money is more important to them than anything else. Many are also bone idle. Doing what they do requires no effort. They sleep until noon, eat, tart themselves up for the evening, chat with their friend, get taken out by a strange man to eat, and then all they need to do is open their legs.
It must be difficult and quite frightening when they first start working as prostitutes but within less than six months many seem to find the work easy and enjoyable. The girls that have been working in the trade for a while are as hard as nails and they have the ability to separate all feelings and emotions with the physical aspect of their job.
I've written to men who have tried to have relationships with bargirls and one of the biggest problems is getting them to stop selling their bodies. The girls just see it as a normal job and to get them to quit they expect a man to match the salary they made while selling sex.
What they had to do to earn that money seems irrelevant; all that is important is the amount of money. Men who try to have relationships with bargirls will obviously want them to stop sleeping with other men. The girls can be very demanding about what they want for this to happen, and if their demands aren't met they will simply start selling their bodies again.
Life in Thailand is tough for the majority of the poor, rural population. Career opportunities that exist in the West just don't exist in Thailand. Unlike Western countries, it is extremely difficult (impossible?) for a poor Thai to get a foot in the door of a large company and work their way up by hard work and determination.
The circumstances in which a person is born pretty much dictate how they will live for the rest of their life. It's not fair and it's not nice but it's the reality of Thai society. A girl born into a small village community in a poor area of the country, regardless of how clever she is, doesn't have many options in life.
Working in the fields is back-breaking work and pays very little. The same applies to construction work which many Thai females do for a living. There are lots of menial jobs available throughout the country which also pay very little and involve a lot of hard work.
Despite certain politicians' claims to be helping the poor, this is dubious. Real help would involve a huge investment in education and the setting up of businesses in rural Thailand in order to break the poverty trap. This isn't happening.
The only way many girls can make a decent amount of money for themselves and their families is by moving to Bangkok, or to one of Thailand's major tourist areas, and doing whatever it takes to earn money.
They make enormous sacrifices so they can earn money to take care of their families. They live a long way from where they come from, share squalid accommodation with other girls to keep their living expenses down, and many leave children in the care of their parents.
There are powerful cultural reasons for doing this. People can't look to the state to support them in old age or if they don't work. Parents rely on their children to support them later in life and the cultural concept of bhun-khun reinforces this support.
Bhun-khun is the debt of gratitude Thais owe their mothers for bringing them into the world and nurturing them and it can never be repaid. Repaying this debt continues for as long as the mother lives.
A Lot More Females Than Males?
Dave maintains that a lot of the behaviour demonstrated by Thai girls can be attributed to the fact there are significantly more females than males.
He goes on to say that if the same situation existed in other countries then the girls in those other countries would behave in exactly the same way.
He actually counts the number of Thai males and females at specific places at specific times. According to his theory there are about four times as many women in the country as men. He admits himself that this can't really be the case but suggests it is more like 60/40 rather than the 50/50 given by official statistics (which he believes are lies).
When I looked up some demographic information on the Internet I found the following:
At birth: 1.05 male(s)/female
Under 15 years: 1.04 male(s)/female
15-64 years: 0.97 male(s)/female
65 years and over: 0.79 male(s)/female
Total population: 0.97 male(s)/female (2000 est.)
As you can see, these figures indicate that more males than females are born in Thailand - about 105 males to every 100 females, but by the mid-teens there are more females. (Not surprising when you see how Thai boys ride their motorbikes).
Dave counts mainly in tourist areas (he lives in Hua Hin) but many Thais from poor regions go to work in the tourist areas and this can give a distorted view. Tens of thousands of Thai girls from the north and northeast have moved to the main tourist areas in huge numbers to earn money whatever way they can.
When I spent some time in small villages in Isaan in 2004 I was struck by how few girls there were in the 18-35 age group because all the girls of that age were living and working in Phuket or Pattaya or Samui or somewhere. There were lots of young female children and lots of old women, but not many females in between.
My view is that nature wouldn't allow for such a huge imbalance. I believe that the official statistics are true but that in different parts of Thailand the ratios differ enormously. If you go to Pattaya or Patong beach and count the ratio of Thai males to females in those places it will be very different to the ratio in a poor village by the Mekong.
Dave says this isn't the case; he says that there are still plenty of girls to go round in the poor areas, an enormous supply in the tourist areas, 50 or so young female caddies on every golf course he plays at, and not to mention the hundreds of thousands of Thai girls who have left the country to marry men abroad.
I know what he means but if he were to get out of the tourist areas more then his view might change. The male to female ratio is about the same where I am in Songkhla province but I know, from when I visit the main farang tourist areas, that these places can seem very different.
There are other reasons why it may look as if there are more females than males.
Thai females tend to have jobs where they are a lot more visible, such as retail, whereas much of the work done by Thai men is behind the scenes and they aren't so visible. The women also tend to work harder. Just take a look in one of the many snooker halls in Thailand during the daytime and count the ratio of males to females.
The Thai army is huge because military coups are an important part of the Thai political process. Most soldiers are male but for most of the time they are in their barracks and out of view.
Finally, I spent many years after I arrived in Thailand looking for a suitable wife. There were various reasons why relationships failed, but what I found was that almost every Thai female I was interested in already had a Thai boyfriend.
Thai girls always deny having a boyfriend initially, but if you try to take the relationship to another level then the truth will eventually come out. Believe me.
If there really are so many more females than males in Thailand then why is it that so many Thai girls already have Thai boyfriends?
If you visit a tourist area in Thailand you will see girls everywhere - apparently alone and single. They tell you they don't have boyfriends, and that Thai men are bad, but don't be fooled. The ratio is about 50/50 and if a Thai girl is still fairly young and attractive she is guaranteed to have a Thai boyfriend somewhere in the background.
During my wife's pregnancy she made monthly visits to a clinic to check the health of the baby. At around six months the doctor can determine the sex of the child, and if you really want to know about birth statistics in Thailand there is no one better to ask than a Thai obstetrician.
While at my wife's six-monthly checkup I mentioned the theory espoused by many farangs that there are a lot more females than males in Thailand and asked him for his opinion.
He told me 50/50.
I came across the following graphs sourced from: UN, Credit Suisse while reading a news story somewhere:
These graphs show that there are actually more males born in Thailand than females and that women in Thailand only start to outnumber men above the age of 70.
I realise that in many parts of Thailand you will see lots of women and very few men, but there are reasons from this and having researched the subject I think there is enough evidence to prove that the ratio is roughly 50/50.
The Weaker Minded Sex
Loneliness is a terrible feeling but it is a feeling many Western men experience. It can get to the point where a Western man will simply leave his country of birth and move to a country where he believes he stands a better chance of meeting someone to end the loneliness. That's why many foreign men move to Thailand.
Thai women, despite a lack of formal education with many, are very perceptive and very good at reading emotions.
A foreign man in Thailand with some money behind him should hold all the cards in Thailand but what you will find is that a Thai girl (even a poor, uneducated one) can soon have all the power in a relationship.
Thai women instinctively know how to treat a man, and what strings to pull. The girls from Isaan are especially good at this. Foreign men can get themselves into a real emotional mess when they get involved with Thai girls and, if the girl is the wrong type, they can lose a lot of money.
It's extremely easy to get involved with a Thai girl and it's a great way to make those feelings of loneliness disappear, but if you are emotionally weak in Thailand it can be dangerous.
I was emotionally weak when I came to Thailand but in order to survive I had to change.
The Power Of Thai Girls
For many years I couldn't understand why some foreign men allowed Thai females to give them such a hard time. Ninety-nine percent of relationships are purely about money, and it is the foreign men who have all the money and thus hold all the aces.
How could poor Thai girls with hardly any education or money have such a hold over the men, especially when there are so many other poor girls in the country? If a girl starts acting up, simply get rid of her and find a new one.
It's never that simple. Nothing is ever simple in Thailand.
The girls may not be very bright academically, but they are good with people skills and they know what men want. They are very good at drawing men into their lairs and getting their feet under the table.
In the event that the man starts to develop feelings for the girl, the emotional attachment he has towards the girl gives her power. That's the first problem.
The second problem is that she won't just go if she doesn't want to go. There is nothing adult or mature about Thais in relationships. If she doesn't want to go she will kick and scream and put up a fight. This is the time to hide all your kitchen knives.
If you don't agree on something and don't wish to end the relationship, the girls are very good at making your life hell until you give in. Take my word for it. I've been married to a Thai girl for a couple of years.
As you become more involved, the Thai girl you are involved with acquires more power over time. Thailand makes sure that Thais always have an advantage in Thailand over foreigners. The playing field is anything but level.
By law, foreigners cannot own land in Thailand and therefore can't own property. The exception is buying a condominium because there is no land involved. There are various ways to get around this law but none are straightforward.
If you marry a Thai woman, the quickest and easiest solution is to buy the property in her name. It's also easy and convenient to do the same with other large purchases, such as cars.
Even if there aren't any laws to prohibit a foreigner from doing something, the bureaucracy involved and the necessity to be able to speak and read Thai fluently make it easier just to do everything in your wife's name.
If you retire to Thailand and find a Thai wife there will eventually come a time when almost everything you have is in her name. You may have had control of the purse strings initially, but Thais are very clever and eventually the situation gets reversed.
At first, of course, she is very sweet and demure putting her signature to documents to own things that you pay for. "Don't worry," she will tell you.
When she has complete power - and she will know when this is - there is a good chance she will change.
The Real Danger With Thai Girls
Despite what you might read elsewhere on the Internet the real danger with Thai girls isn't what they might do to you, but how they might make you think; and what you might do as a result of that (incorrect) thinking.
I could give countless first-hand examples, but I will give just one as an illustration.
A couple of weeks ago (as I write) it was the Loy Gratong festival in Thailand. I went over to the local university so that I could watch hundreds of pretty Thai girls parading around wearing traditional costumes. Loy Gratong is the best day of the year for girl-watching in Thailand.
I went alone but I met up with a large group of girls in their 20's. They all seemed genuinely interested in me, and one girl in particular never left my side. She acted as if I was the man she had been waiting for her whole life.
Before I left to go home, she asked for my e-mail address. I wrote it down, along with my phone number. I never hear from her again. This type of thing has happened to me many, many times in Thailand.
Whenever I meet a good-looking Thai girl, it doesn't matter how interested in me she may appear to be, my expectations are never very high because 99 times out of a hundred nothing ever happens.
After returning home it is likely that I wouldn't be able to get her out of my head. All my thoughts would probably turn to Thailand, and I would try to devise a way to get back permanently in order to see this girl who was so crazy about me.
This kind of thinking could lead a man to give up everything in order to return to Thailand. He might quit his job, sell his house, give up his life and burn all his bridges.
But on his return to Thailand he would face immense disappointment because really she had no interest at all, and by that time there might not be a way back to his old life.
Why does this happen?
It varies from girl to girl. Some girls like to play games with men as a way of boosting their self-esteem. Some do it to deceive men out of money.
If a girl shows a lot of kindness but you misinterpret that kindness, whose fault is it? I've asked myself this question many times. Was she misleading me, or was it just me reading something into a situation that didn't exist?
The problem is cultural (as are most problems for foreigners in Thailand). Something that happens between two people in the West might mean one thing, but in Thailand exactly the same thing could mean something entirely different.
Don't apply your own values to situations in Thailand, and don't misread signals. If you start to dabble with Thai girls, take your time. It takes a long time getting to know how Thais think and behave.
If you are a fresh arrival and try to hurry things along, the chances are that everything will end in tears.
Thai Girls - Your Best Dream Or Your Worst Nightmare?
A foreign man meeting a Thai girl should be a dream for both parties. Taking care of others is a big part of the culture and Thai girls really know how to take care of men. Age difference isn't a big concern and most Thai girls are small and slender.
Many ordinary foreign men beyond a certain age wouldn't have a hope in hell of attracting a young, pretty girl in their own countries but they can in Thailand.
On the girl's part, many Thais live just beyond the poverty line and a foreign man's income - even if it isn't actually that much - can make a huge difference to their lives. It should be a dream and I've met many men with Thai wives who think it is.
On the other hand, it can all go horribly wrong. Poor Thais, as well as having no money, have no opportunities in life either. They will never get well paid jobs and they will be poor throughout their lives. A poor Thai girl's only opportunity to escape the poverty trap is to meet a foreign man.
Many will do this honestly and in return for the man's financial support they will take care of their husbands and be good wives.
Unfortunately, there are a small minority of Thai girls who are not honest. In fact, they are deceitful to the extreme. They probably already have Thai boyfriends but will stop at nothing in getting money from foreign men.
The following is an e-mail I received from a lady in Australia whose son had been scammed. This is the reason why you need to be careful when getting involved with Thai girls. This example is quite extreme but it can - and does - happen.
My son, unfortunately, has been "conned" by a very nice (so we thought), ordinary girl from Phayou. He has had a relationship with her since last year and this year they got "married" in a Buddhist ceremony in front of her whole village and grandparents who brought her up.Getting involved with Thai girls can be very rewarding but it can also be a minefield. Be very careful and never rush into anything.
My husband and I travelled over to Thailand for the wedding, as did 3 other couples (his close friends) and their children. We all paid our own airfares and accommodation. At the wedding ceremony, my husband and I became a part of the whole thing but we felt that the grandparents were very cool and distant towards us.
My son paid for the gold for his bride, gave a lot of money to the grandparents, bought his fianc�e a car, paid for 300 guests at the reception and was looking at building a new home for the grandparents. His "bride" chose not to have the relationship formalised in Thailand but proposed that they have a wedding over here when she came.
She arrived on Saturday, 21 May and left on Sunday, 29 May after telling my son that she wanted to go home and didn't like it here. He phoned her this evening to find out if she intended to return and when she said no, he said that he wanted his gold and money back - she refused (of course) and said she has already spent it.
My son has spent over $35,000 on his "bride" which works out to over a million baht. She is sitting pretty and probably has a boyfriend in the background who will now have a nice life. My son feels an absolute fool, even though he is really quite intelligent and astute and as he said to me tonight "I've said for years that I wouldn't get caught like this."
One of the problems was that he met this girl who is a friend of the de facto of his close Aussie friend who lives in Thailand - his de facto has been with him for over 10 years - and he thought she was genuine.
Please warn others about getting involved too soon - my son genuinely loved her.
How Much Should I Pay My Thai Girlfriend Each Month?
Nothing. Thai men don't pay their Thai girlfriends, and foreign men with foreign girlfriends don't pay their girlfriends. When foreign men living in Thailand hear foreign men living abroad asking this question, they know the man doesn't have a clue about Thailand.
It isn't unusual to find Thai girls giving their Thai boyfriends money each month so the men can drink with their friends. The girls either work, or receive money transferred from stupid farangs abroad, which they then pass on to their unemployed, lazy boyfriends.
By all means take care of the girl, and treat her, but there is no need to pay her a monthly salary. All that does is make her a live-in prostitute.
What if you have a girlfriend who is working and you never see her because she works 15 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year in a beauty salon, or has another kind of low-paying job? This scenario isn't unusual. I've been there myself in the past.
If you want her to quit working, and thus cut off her monthly salary, then it isn't unreasonable to provide some compensation. What you need to realise is that these girls earn very little each month. If she tells you that she normally earns Bt30,000 a month, and that is what she wants from you, then she is lying.
And anyway, if you pay her to quit working she won't have to spend all her waking hours doing menial work. Why should you be expected to pay her the same amount for making her life a lot more relaxed and enjoyable?
What if she makes a living selling her body and wants you to give her Bt60,000 or more to compensate for her loss in earnings as a prostitute.
The answer to that one is that it is hardly a fair comparison. If she can see no difference between living an honest life and being a prostitute - apart from how much she earns each money - then I would not recommend being with such a girl.
Thai girls talk to each other and they have all heard stories (maybe some are apocryphal) about how much foreign men give Thai girls to be their girlfriends.
Some Thai girls seem to think they have won the lottery if a foreign man shows any interest in them and they get greedy.
If you get involved with a Thai girl who starts making greedy demands for money each month, simply leave her and find another. As long as you are reasonably presentable and financially solvent - even if you aren't that rich - independent, self-supporting Thai girls are easy to find.
If you meet the right Thai girl there won't be any demands for money. With the good girls there is almost a sense of pride in working and being able to take care of themselves. I know this from experience as well.
Both Thai men and foreign men keep mia nois (mistresses) in Thailand. For example, there are lots of northern and northeastern girls living in southern Thailand who are kept by Malaysian and Singaporean men.
The men pay for their accommodation, expenses, and give them an allowance. Some get motorbikes and some even get cars. All they need to do is make themselves available when the men are in town.
However, this is completely different to having a girlfriend, and even this type of arrangement should be approached with lots of caution.
I once heard of a girl who had four Malaysian and Singaporean men keeping her at the same time. She rented four apartments and owned four phones. She would live in the appropriate apartment and use the appropriate phone depending on which man was in town at the time.
I also heard of a rich Singaporean guy who was keeping a very pretty young Thai girl. She kept making bigger and bigger demands, and he always gave her what he asked - a shop, a car, money, etc., etc.
One time after he had given her a lot of money, she ran off with the Thai boyfriend who she had been seeing all the time she was being kept by her Singaporean sugar daddy.
There's definitely a connection between demanding Thai girls and trust. The ones who demand the most are often the ones who can be trusted the least.
Frequently Asked Questions
The FAQ that was here previously started to get quite big so I have put it on a separate page: Thai Girls FAQ.
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