Thailand - Girls Page 3
If men just had sex with Thai bar girls and walked away there wouldn't be any problems but often they don't. They form emotional bonds with girls who are only interested in their money and, not infrequently, it leads to a lot of heartache.
Why do men fall in love with girls like this? If you have been to Thailand and encountered playful bar girls you will know why. The whole industry is somewhat less seedy than in other countries. The fact that the girls work for less than sex workers in other countries means that encounters normally last for longer.
Rather than a quick 20 minutes to do what is necessary, men spend days - sometimes even weeks - with a girl and inevitably feelings grow stronger. Most tourists just don't understand Thai culture, and misinterpret what is happening.
It is no coincidence that every man who gets involved with a bar girl claims to have a thorough understanding of the industry but, for some reason, his particular girl is always different to the rest. She is the one girl in Thailand out of 60 million people who got caught up in the trade accidentally but now he can rescue her.
This is something I hear time after time. Some girls are more seasoned and more ruthless than others, there is no doubt, but the bottom line is that however sweet, innocent and naive they appear to be, they are selling their bodies to whoever comes along with enough money. And in Thailand, that needn't be a lot of money.
Some men make wives of bar girls but many have problems. If you are going down this path be very careful.
Farang Man + Thai Girl; A Not Untypical Scenario
Farang man arrives in Thailand after a long flight and is initially overwhelmed by the sights, smells and sounds of Thailand. He should feel tired but the excitement of being in Thailand acts as a stimulant and the tiredness goes away. He checks into his hotel, gets showered and changed, and is ready to head out into the streets to explore Thailand.
As this is a vacation he will probably be in a tourist area where there will be lots of bar areas. Sooner or later he will wander into one of these areas (probably sooner). In the bar area the reception he gets will be like nothing he has experienced at home. Instead of girls acting indifferently or aggressively towards him the Thai girls will welcome him warmly.
There will be a chorus of "Hello, welcome, sit down please, you handsome man, etc". Farang man will feel most flattered, smile to himself and congratulate himself on his choice of holiday destination. He will walk around for a while and get the same reception at every bar before he eventually goes inside one for a drink.
His choice of bar may be because he has walked around enough already; it could be because he was physically dragged in there by Thai girls (it happens); or maybe because he spotted a particularly attractive girl working there and would like to take a closer look.
Inside the bar, first things first. He will get a beer; normally a Singha or Chang in a 'coldie holder' and will drink from the bottle. He will sit on a bar stool with a silly, smug grin on his face. In the bar will be several girls in various outfits depending on the bar. There will be a few dodgy looking ones but there will inevitably be lots of young, pretty ones too.
He will be surrounded by girls very quickly, some will put their arms around him, sit on his lap and tell him, "You handsome man", etc. After 10 minutes or so of talking to the girls they will ask if they can have a drink. This only seems fair so he says yes. The 'lady drinks' are more expensive than his own because included in the price is payment for the girls' company.
As long as he is happy to keep buying the drinks the girls will stay around. If he doesn't buy them drinks they will look elsewhere or just sit down on their own again. Several girls may try to get in on the act if he is generous so he should tell girls he doesn't want to buy drinks for to go away, politely of course. If the conversation starts to dry up some of the girls may initiate bar games such as 'Connect 4' to keep him occupied.
This is all good fun, the man's ego gets a nice boost while the bar gets some of his money. Everyone is happy. At some stage of the evening it will be made clear to him that he can leave the bar with a girl (or girls) of his choice. To do this requires payment of a 'bar fine' which varies from town to town but which isn't much. The bar fine then releases the girl from her work for the rest of the day.
The man pays the bar fine and leaves with the girl hand-in-hand. She is now his to do with whatever he wishes. The girl will make it clear to the man that the bar fine goes to the bar and he is expected to give her money. Of course, while they are together he will pay for everything.
If the man enjoys himself and is happy for her to go back the next morning, all is fine. She's earned some money, he has had a good time and no-one gets hurt. He may do the same thing with another girl (or the same girl) the next night and repeat the process until it is time to go home. If he can do this without any emotional attachment then he is unlikely to run into any problems.
However, it is seldom as straightforward as this. Some very emotionally vulnerable men who haven't had much luck with the ladies come to Thailand on vacation. Their experience with girls at home has not been good. At best they have only been able to attract very unattractive women and many of the men can't attract any woman.
Everything changes in Thailand. From being totally unwanted, as they were at home, they are now (apparently) quite desirable by very pretty girls. The girls latch on to this power they have over the men and play the game very well. They hug the men, tell them they love them, and act as if they have been waiting all their lives for that particular man to come along. They will also tell the men how poor they are and how they dislike the work they do but it is the only way they can make a living.
Farang man may fall for a girl and continue paying her bar fines plus her daily allowance so that he can spend all his time with her. They hold on to each other all the time, call each other darling and sleep together from day one without the inconvenience of a courtship or getting to know each other. The man feels great until it dawns on him that he has to go home soon and there is no escaping that fact.
The day of his flight comes and it is the blackest day of his life. Of course, his new sweetheart also appears to be very upset. He knows only too well what she does for a living and the thought of her being with another man after he leaves is unbearable. In order to 'save' her from the bar he agrees to send her some money each month so she can live without doing this horrible work.
He gets home and the loneliness and emptiness that had completely disappeared while he was in Thailand returns. The drudgery of life back home and the total lack of any female attention is soul destroying. He has his memories though and wants to keep the dream alive. He sets up a regular money transfer as he said he would, and calls his girl often on her mobile phone. When he speaks to her she says she is at home having a quiet night in but he wonders why there is loud music in the background, quite similar actually to the atmosphere of the bar where he met her.
She is actually back in the bar looking for more paying customers. If she can do the same thing with a few foreign men it will be a nice income for her. There are girls living in ritzy apartments in Bangkok with expensive clothes and fancy mobile phones bought from the money sent by gullible farangs from abroad.
Occasionally he will get an e-mail in very poor English saying how much she misses him, thanking him for the money, and asking when he will return. Perhaps she will mention some calamity that has befallen the family, a death or an illness maybe. This requires money which she doesn't have so can he send some more? What he doesn't realise is that she is sitting in an Internet caf� with a friend who knows some English and it is her friend doing the typing. He also doesn't realise that the same e-mail is being copied and pasted to several other men in her address book.
As soon as he can, he starts to plan his next trip and Thailand becomes an all-consuming passion. He loses interest completely in his home country. When he returns to Thailand he may or may not see the same girl again. Keeping in touch over a long distance is difficult. He may have realised he was being conned or she might just have got bored. It may be that two of her men have decided to come back at the same time so she has to let one of them down.
When he does come back he will go through the same thing with another girl if he doesn't see the one he saw before. His vulnerability and desire to recapture those same feelings he felt before as soon as possible will cause him to look for love in all the wrong places. He will have some highs but these will be followed by very deep lows. To try to hang on to the experience he will be generous with money but will probably give away a lot and never get what he truly desires.
Visiting Thailand can be a wonderful experience but it can be bitterly cruel too. Some of the girls should come with government health warnings like those put on packets of cigarettes. Have fun with the bar girls but be very careful about which ones you get emotionally attached to. Sometimes it works out but more often than not it doesn't.
"A heart of stone and claws of steel."
The following is a short extract from a book that is part of the 'Cities of the World' series: No. 11 Bangkok, written by James Kirkup. It was first published in 1968.
"The Nipa Guest House is in Sukhumvit Road, a place very popular with American servicemen and other wandering foreigners, for it is lined with dance halls, massage parlours and Turkish baths (mostly clustered round the American Services' Villa Club) where extremely pretty, scantily clad and extraordinarily mercenary Thai girls attend charmingly to all the physical needs of campaign-weary patrons.
The Thai entertainers are very spoilt and very greedy, and as the girls graduate from lowly drinking dens and knocking-shops round the harbour to the glittering fantasy of Bangkok's luxurious cabarets and night spots they become more and more demanding and grasping; those sweet smiles and delicate fingers conceal a heart of stone and claws of steel. But it is a pleasure to be gypped by these girls once in a while."
At the time of writing, that passage is over 40 years old but it is just as relevant today as it has always been - maybe more so, in fact. If you are male, single and planning your first trip to Thailand, I would suggest reading the above quote several times and remembering the key parts.
Some of the girls have better hunting instincts than Great White sharks and, just like sharks, they have the capability of being able to identify weak prey.
A few years ago, at the request of the Thai girl I was with at the time, I went with her to watch a Patpong sex show but instead found myself watching a large group of mercenary Thai girls who were working there fleece three middle-aged farang tourists.
I think it was the guys' first trip to Thailand - they just had that look about them - and the girls probably sensed the same thing. At first, one girl approached them and in no time at all there were about 15 bikini-clad girls all over them.
A large round of 'lady drinks' was ordered which must have cost a small fortune, with most of the money for the drinks going straight into the girls' handbags. As soon as they had their drinks, they just left the men and never returned.
Occasionally I go to tourist areas. For me these days, it's a strange curiosity because what goes on in those areas is totally alien to my life in Thailand.
Most of the Thai girls I know are so innocent and demure that when I see bar girl behaviour in Patong the experience is similar to watching a circus freak show. It is so out of context in normal daily life in Thailand that it seems almost surreal.
It is in those areas where there are lots of tourists that the mercenaries are attracted. They have but one objective in life and that is to extract as much money from foreign men as possible. They will give you 10 minutes of conversation but if you haven't bought them a drink in that time, or hinted that money will be forthcoming, they will leave.
As long as they are being paid, they will stay but as soon as the money stops, they will leave. They have the Buddhist ability to remain completely detached emotionally from whatever they do physically. Their bodies are used just as tools for their profession. Physical intimacy means absolutely nothing to them apart from being a way to earn money.
The author of the quote above makes the point that occasionally it can be a pleasure to be taken by these girls but I would suggest treating them with a great deal of caution and, whatever you do, don't form any emotional attachments. Falling in love with a mercenary Thai girl will empty your bank account fairly quickly and lead to a lot of emotional pain.
Every now and again, I read a load of naive nonsense from supposedly professional journalists about the Thai sex industry. Invariably, they focus on the plight of one poor girl who ended up in the industry as a result of poverty and they describe what a harrowing experience it has been for her. The mistake they make is implying that every Thai prostitute is a helpless victim.
Yes, this does happen. Girls from poor backgrounds with no job opportunities move to Bangkok and other tourist areas to find work in order to support their families. They don't want to be sex workers but find it is the only way they can earn enough to survive and send money home.
It is these girls who I feel sorry for but it's not the case for every single girl. The mercenary girls certainly aren't victims. They go about their work in a very calculating manner and the only victims involved are the foreign men who get involved with them.
I need to make the point that mercenary girls in Thailand make up only a tiny fraction of a percent of the overall female population. What is unfortunate, however, is that because of their easy accessibility, it is these girls that foreign men tend to head straight for as soon as they arrive in Thailand.
To avoid the mercenary girls all you need to do is walk away when they start revealing their true colours. If you know the score but ignore the signs and continue to come back for further punishment, then that is up to you.
I don't splash money around in Thailand because doing so has a tendency to attract all the wrong kind of people (not just girls) and it can actually be quite dangerous. Jealousy is not unknown in Thailand and the Thais can be a very vengeful race. I freely admit that I'm quite stingy with girls but I avoid a lot of problems that way.
Temptation Around Every Corner?
"Thailand is a place where there is temptation around every corner." I once heard a farang living in Thailand say this and it quite surprised me. It especially surprised me as he was living in ultra-conservative southern Thailand. What did he mean? The working girls aren't exactly tempting men; they're just looking for business.
His comment seemed to imply that there are Thai females everywhere peering out of their lonely rooms, beckoning in passing strangers on their way to work for a quick illicit encounter. That definitely isn't the case.
Thais smile a lot and are famous for doing so. Remember, this is the 'Land of Smiles'. Everyone smiles at everyone, pretty girls even smile at ugly, sad, middle-aged farangs. Smile at a pretty girl in the UK and she will return a look that says, "What the f*** are you grinning at?" Certain females in the UK will actually tell you to, "F*** off."
But in Thailand if you smile at a pretty girl she will normally give a big smile back. Wow! It's a nice feeling and can certainly put a spring in your step but don't be confused. They say the Thais have a smile for all occasions and because of this they smile for different reasons.
Sometimes it's just to be friendly and sometimes it's because they feel nervous, afraid or threatened. Sometimes the famous Thai smile is used as a defence mechanism if a stranger may appear to be dangerous. What the smile from the pretty girl stranger is unlikely to be though is an invitation to her bedroom, and if you think that you are sadly deluded.
Temptation around every corner? I don't think so my deluded friend. So what is the situation in Thailand with the girls, then? Well, there are lots of opportunities to look at pretty girls. It's free and no one gets too upset. A girl won't give you a mouthful of abuse for looking at her and her boyfriend probably won't beat you up. In fact, the girls seem to love the attention.
There are lots of opportunities to flirt with pretty girls. Flirting is a national pastime and girls will flirt with you more than you flirt with them but don't take it too seriously. They may give you a phone number or make a date and look desperate to see you again but there's a good chance they will disappear, never to be seen again. It happens a lot.
There are lots of opportunities to have sex with working girls. It's as easy going into somewhere for sex as it is going into 7-Eleven for a packet of Mama instant noodles. There are also lots of opportunities to form deep, meaningful relationships with very decent girls but this requires plenty of time and a deep level of commitment which could mean marriage.
Thailand is definitely a land of opportunity but temptation around every corner? I honestly don't think so.
Thai Girls And Sex
Several years ago I was looking at a web site written by a guy who had spent a lot of time in Thailand and Japan. He commented that every time he had sex in Thailand, he paid the girl; and every time he had sex in Japan, the girl paid him.
I'm obviously living in the wrong place. He makes a valid point though.
In my experience, I have found Thai girls to have an extremely healthy appetite for sex, and to enjoy sex as much as - if not more than - girls from anywhere else.
The big difference is that with Thai girls the pleasure they derive from having sex is never enough payment alone. There always has to be more. In all my years of living in Thailand, I have never had no-strings-attached sex.
The most obvious examples are the tens (hundreds?) of thousands of Thai prostitutes. To them, sex is nothing but a business transaction, and to forget or ignore that fact is crass stupidity.
But there are also lots of girls who aren't prostitutes who might like a man and have a desire to sleep with him. Even if they initiate sex and do it because they want to, there will always be an expectation for payment.
There are also lots of Thai girls who aren't looking to be paid every time they have sex, but who have sex with a man because they want to marry him. To help their cause and to force the man into a corner, they will often do their best to get pregnant.
It has happened to me twice. I got off the hook the first time but ended up getting married the second time; not that I regret marrying the girl I did but she ensured it happened a lot quicker than I had originally intended.
Sex is never given away for free in Thailand.
The Client/Patron relationship is so ingrained in Thai culture that not only is it perfectly acceptable; to a lot of Thais it is actually very desirable. Many Thais near the bottom of society are comfortable in a subservient 'client' role with a benefactor (or 'patron') looking after them.
Give such a person the chance to live independently and they will refuse it in order to have the protection and security of a patron to look after them. The fact of the matter is that the majority of Thai girls who get involved with foreign men aren't that high up the social scale.
I see many Thai/farang couples in completely dependent relationships. He stands there like a lemon not understanding anything going on around him in Thailand; completely dependent on her to sort things out, and also dependent on her for his emotional and sexual needs. She meanwhile is dependent on him financially.
There is nothing wrong with this if it is what both people are happy with. Societies in which people depend on others to help them tend to be a lot more pleasant that those where everyone has the attitude they can do everything themselves.
It's really a case of what you want. I don't feel very comfortable in relationships where both people are overly dependent on each other but it suits others.