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Photo: Thailand has no shortage of beautiful girls

What's On This Page?

Problem time [more]
Farang man + Thai girl; a not untypical scenario [more]
Normal Thai girls [more]
Unusual behaviour [more]
The Mercenaries [more]
Temptation around every corner? [more]
Dependent Relationships [more]

Thailand - Girls Page 3

Problem time

If men just had sex with Thai bar girls and walked away there wouldn't be any problems but often they don't. They form emotional bonds with girls who are only interested in their money and, not infrequently, it leads to a lot of heartache.

Why do men fall in love with girls at the very bottom of society? If you have been to Thailand and encountered playful bar girls you will know why. The whole industry is somewhat less seedy than in other countries. The fact that the girls work for less than sex workers in other countries means that encounters normally last for longer.

Rather than a quick 20 minutes to do what is necessary, men spend days - sometimes even weeks - with a girl and inevitably feelings grow stronger. Most tourists just don't understand Thai culture and misinterpret what is happening.

It is no coincidence that every man who gets involved with a bar girl seems to have a thorough understanding of the industry but, for some reason, his particular girl is always different to the rest. She is the one girl who got caught up in the trade accidentally but now he can rescue her.

This is something I hear time after time. Some girls are more seasoned and more ruthless than others, there is no doubt, but the bottom line is that however sweet, innocent and naive they appear to be, they are selling their bodies to whoever comes along with enough money. And in Thailand, the figures involved aren't very much.

Some men make wives of bar girls but many have problems. If you are going down this path be very careful.

Farang man + Thai girl; a not untypical scenario

Farang man arrives in Thailand after a long flight and is initially overwhelmed by the sights, smells and sounds of Thailand. He should feel tired but the excitement of being in Thailand acts as a stimulant and the tiredness goes away. He finds his place to stay, gets showered and changed, and is ready to head out into the streets to explore Thailand.

As this is a vacation he will probably be in a tourist area where there will be lots of bar areas. Sooner or later he will wander into one of these areas (probably sooner). In the bar area the reception he gets will be like nothing he has experienced at home. Instead of girls acting indifferently or aggressively towards him the Thai girls will welcome him with open arms (legs later).

There will be a chorus of "Hello, welcome, sit down please, you handsome man, etc". Farang man will feel most flattered, smile to himself and congratulate himself on his choice of holiday destination. He will walk around for a while and get the same reception at every bar before he eventually goes inside one for a drink.

His choice of bar may be because he has walked around enough already, it could be because he was physically dragged in there by Thai girls (it happens), or maybe because he spotted a particularly attractive girl working there and would like to take a closer look.

Inside the bar, first things first. He will get a beer; normally a Singha or Chang in a 'coldie holder' and will drink from the bottle. He will sit on a bar stool with a silly, smug grin on his face. In the bar will be several girls in various outfits depending on the bar. There will be a few dodgy looking ones but there will inevitably be lots of young, pretty ones too.

He will be surrounded by girls very quickly, some will put their arms around him, sit on his lap and tell him, "You handsome man", etc. After 10 minutes or so of talking to the girls they will ask if they can have a drink. This only seems fair so he says yes. The 'lady drinks' are more expensive than his own because included in the price is payment for the girls' company.

As long as he is happy to keep buying the drinks the girls will stay around. If he doesn't buy them drinks they will look elsewhere or just sit on their own again. Several girls may try to get in on the act if he is generous so he should tell girls he doesn't want to buy drinks for to go away, politely of course. If the conversation starts to dry up some of the girls may initiate bar games such as 'Connect 4' to keep him occupied.

This is all good fun, the man's ego gets a nice boost while the bar gets some of his money. Everyone is happy. At some stage of the evening it will be made clear to him that he can leave the bar with a girl (or girls) of his choice. To do this requires payment of a 'bar fine' which varies from town to town but which isn't much (in Western terms). The bar fine then releases the girl from her work for the rest of the day.

The man pays the bar fine and leaves with the girl hand-in-hand. She is now his to do with whatever he wishes. The girl will make it clear to the man that the bar fine goes to the bar and he is expected to give her money. Of course, while they are together he will pay for everything.

If the man enjoys himself and is happy for her to go back the next morning, all is fine. She's earned some money, he has had a good time and no-one gets hurt. He may do the same thing with another girl (or the same girl) the next night and repeat the process until it is time to go home. If he can do this without any emotional attachment then he is unlikely to run into any problems.

However, it is seldom as straightforward as this. Some very emotionally vulnerable men who haven't had much luck with the ladies come to Thailand on vacation. Their experience with girls at home has not been good. At best they have only been able to attract very unattractive women and many of the men can't attract any woman.

Everything changes in Thailand. From being totally unwanted, as they were at home, they are now (apparently) quite desirable by very pretty girls. The girls latch on to this power they have over the men and play the game very well. They hug the men, tell them they love them and act as if they have been waiting all their lives for that particular man to come along. They will also tell the men how poor they are and how they hate the work they do but it is the only way they can make a living.

Farang man may fall for a girl and continue paying her bar fines plus her daily allowance so that he can spend all his time with her. They hold on to each other all the time, call each other darling and sleep together from day one without the inconvenience of a courtship or getting to know each other. The man feels great until it dawns on him that he has to go home soon and there is no escaping that fact.

The day of his flight comes and it is the blackest day of his life. Of course, his new sweetheart also appears to be very upset. He knows only too well what she does for a living and the thought of her being with another man after he leaves is unbearable. In order to 'save' her from the bar he agrees to send her some money each month so she can live without doing this horrible work.

He gets home and the loneliness and emptiness that had completely disappeared while he was in Thailand returns. The drudgery of life back home and the total lack of any female attention is soul destroying. He has his memories though and wants to keep the dream alive. He sets up a regular money transfer as he said he would and calls his girl often on her mobile phone. When he speaks to her she says she is at home having a quiet night in but he wonders why there is loud music in the background, quite similar actually to the atmosphere of the bar where he met her.

She is actually back in the bar concentrating only on finding another customer. If she can do the same thing with a few foreign men it will be a nice income for her. There are girls living in ritzy apartments with expensive clothes and fancy mobile phones bought from the money sent by gullible farangs from abroad.

Occasionally he will get an e-mail in very poor English saying how much she misses him, thanking him for the money and asking when he will return. Perhaps she will mention some calamity that has befallen the family, a death or an illness maybe, which requires money but she can't afford it so can he send some more? What he doesn't realise is that she is sitting in an Internet caf� with a friend who knows some English and it is her friend doing the typing. He also doesn't realise that the same e-mail is being copied and pasted to several other men in her address book.

As soon as he can, he starts to plan his next trip and Thailand becomes an all-consuming passion. He loses interest completely in his home country. When he returns to Thailand he may or may not see the same girl again. Keeping in touch over a long distance is difficult. He may have realised he was being conned or she might just have got bored. It may be that two of her men have decided to come back at the same time so she has to let one of them down.

When he does come back he will go through the same thing with another girl if he doesn't see the one he saw before. His vulnerability and desire to recapture those same feelings he felt before as soon as possible will cause him to look for love in all the wrong places. He will have some highs but these will be followed by very deep lows. To try to hang on to the experience he will be generous with money but will probably give away a lot and never get what he truly desires.

Visiting Thailand can be a wonderful experience but it can be bitterly cruel too. Some of the girls should come with government health warnings like those put on packets of cigarettes. Have fun with the bar girls but be very careful about which ones you get emotionally attached to. Sometimes it works out but more often than not it doesn't.

Normal Thai girls

I was going to say that Thai girls not selling their bodies are just like girls from anywhere else but that wouldn't be true. I have never encountered such conservative attitudes as I have in Thailand; the attitudes are almost Victorian. I have never met as many 25 year-old virgins as I have in Thailand; girls without any sexual experience at all who have never had boyfriends and truly have never been kissed.

The cynics among you will tell me this is just a ploy to make them more desirable but I have known such girls for a long time and it's true. If you think what I am saying isn't true I would suggest you have been spending far too much time with the wrong kind of Thai girls.

Good Thai girls though are very wary of men. This is based mostly on the behaviour of Thai men, 80% of whom, they tell me are not trustworthy and who play around. It is unlikely they will meet you alone without bringing a friend along until such time as they trust you and any form of sexual contact will be out of the question for a very long time. For some this will require an exceptional commitment - even marriage.

Obviously, this doesn't seem a very attractive proposition to the guy who has just got off the plane at Bangkok, having not had sex for five years, and is desperate for some relief as soon as possible. The trouble is that many men want the best of both worlds. On one hand they want the sexual freedom that is available with bar girls but also want the perfect companion that a good Thai girl would make.

You need to make a decision what you want. Unfortunately, you can't have your cake and eat it. Well, you can try but it needs an incredible amount of discretion and care. If you attempt to court a good Thai girl in a celibate relationship while unleashing your carnal desires on bar girls be very careful.

Firstly, the girls are incredibly perceptive and intuitive. Secondly, once your face becomes familiar it is very difficult to go anywhere or do anything without being seen. The Thais maintain very close local networks which are almost like little spy networks.

I am forever being told I was seen somewhere or other without having any idea. Word gets around very quickly in Thailand.

Unusual behaviour

Last updated: 7th October 2007

I was going to call this section 'Crazy Thai girls' but that wouldn't have been fair or accurate. There may be a few girls living on Soy Ding Dong but most behaviour that appears strange is explainable, and quite understandable, given the circumstances.

I have talked elsewhere on this site about how people are shaped by their environment and Thai girls are no different. There are two important factors to bear in mind when coming into contact with Thai girls.

A significant number are from poor backgrounds and no matter how bright, talented or gifted they are, there are very few opportunities for them to improves their lives in Thai society. Their only hope of a better life is by meeting a foreign man. This certainly doesn't apply to all Thai girls but it applies to a lot of them, and naturally, those girls it does apply to go to work in parts of Thailand where they will meet lots of foreign men. We all know where these places are.
There are an awful lot of girls in Thailand.

These two factors alone will explain lots of things but what do I mean by unusual behaviour?

If the only way for a poor Thai girl to improve her lot is by meeting a foreign man; after she meets a man she will want to hold on to what she has and keep other girls away. It's a natural reaction but some girls can become quite paranoid.

Jealousy can be a big problem and takes many forms. She might sulk whenever you speak to another girl or she might look at your mobile phones for messages and calls that have been sent and received. This is actually very common behaviour with Thai girls.

She might call or send messages constantly at all times of the day and night. Not only does she want to keep herself in your thoughts but she will want to make sure that you aren't with other girls.

In my experience, Thais never believe that another person is single. This is one of the first questions that comes up and if the answer is negative, it is rarely believed so it is asked repeatedly. Thai men do not have a reputation for being the most faithful men around because they too are shaped by their environment.

We all act differently if we live in an oasis compared to living in a desert.

For a poor girl looking to escape the poverty trap, there is a lot at stake should a foreign man with some money arrive on the scene and she won't give it up easily. She will lie and deceive if she has to. She may not tell outright lies but she may conceal certain truths if something about her could put you off.

In extreme cases she might lie and allow herself to fall pregnant in an effort to hold on to what she has. It's a risky strategy but she knows that many foreign men will accept their responsibility and do the honourable thing by sticking around and/or supporting her financially.

With particularly unbalanced girls, it can be quite dangerous if she does find out that her man has been messing around. I haven't heard of any recently but a year or two ago there was a spate of stabbings by jealous Thai girls. These sometimes involved foreign men and the men didn't always survive.

It isn't even necessary to have met a girl to be affected by weird behaviour. A girl turned up at my apartment building shortly after I moved to Thailand a few years ago. She told the staff on reception she had given me a massage the previous day and I hadn't paid her so she wanted to go to my room.

This was a complete fabrication. I wasn't around at the time and fortunately reception didn't let her in. I guess she must have seen me leaving and entering the building and decided on this ruse.

I guess the examples I have given could apply to all people regardless of gender or where they come from and aren't unusual at all but, from my own experience, Thai girls take this kind of obsessive behaviour to new extremes.

Just like the film Fatal Attraction, girls who act obsessively often seem perfectly normal when you first meet them so it's impossible to tell at first and you only realise after it is too late. Be particularly careful if you have a pet rabbit as she might be partial to a little dtom yum gra-dtaay.

The way to avoid a lot of this is not to rush into anything too quickly but I understand how difficult this might be for a two week tourist. Normal Thai girls don't jump into bed with strange men straight away and getting shot of a girl is easier if you haven't already slept with her.

If at all possible, try to assess a girl's character on a purely platonic basis for a while before allowing her to get too close. You might regret it otherwise. The easiest thing in the world is for a foreign man to get himself involved with a Thai girl in Thailand. It's not always easy separating though. Take your time. There really is no hurry.

The Mercenaries

Last updated: 8th March 2007

"A heart of stone and claws of steel."

The following is a short extract from a book that is part of the 'Cities of the World' series: No. 11 Bangkok, written by James Kirkup. It was first published in 1968.

"The Nipa Guest House is in Sukhumvit Road, a place very popular with American servicemen and other wandering foreigners, for it is lined with dance halls, massage parlours and Turkish baths (mostly clustered round the American Services' Villa Club) where extremely pretty, scantily clad and extraordinarily mercenary Thai girls attend charmingly to all the physical needs of campaign-weary patrons.
The Thai entertainers are very spoilt and very greedy, and as the girls graduate from lowly drinking dens and knocking-shops round the harbour to the glittering fantasy of Bangkok's luxurious cabarets and night spots they become more and more demanding and grasping; those sweet smiles and delicate fingers conceal a heart of stone and claws of steel. But it is a pleasure to be gypped by these girls once in a while."

At the time of writing, that passage is almost 40 years old but it is just as relevant today as it has always been - maybe more so, in fact. If you are male, single and planning your first trip to Thailand, I would suggest reading the above quote several times and remembering the key parts.

Some of the girls have better hunting instincts than Great White sharks and, just like sharks, they have the capability of being able to identify weak prey.

A few years ago, at the request of the Thai girl I was with at the time, I went with her to watch a Patpong sex show but instead found myself watching a large group of mercenary Thai girls who were working there fleece three middle-aged farang tourists.

I think it was the guys' first trip to Thailand - they just had that look about them - and the girls probably sensed the same thing. At first, one girl approached them and in no time at all there were about 15 bikini-clad girls all over them.

A large round of 'lady drinks' was ordered which must have cost a small fortune, with most of the money for the drinks going straight into the girls' handbags. As soon as they had their drinks, they just left the men and never returned.

I must have been mistaken for a tourist recently as - while walking around - I got mobbed by a group of girls outside a massage shop who were trying to get customers inside. At first their reaction was as if I had been a famous film star. They started squeezing different parts of my body to demonstrate their massage skills and some were flirting with me outrageously suggesting that other services might be on offer.

However, within a split-second, I was history. I wasn't quite sure at first what had happened but when I looked behind I saw a group of four Malaysian men. These men obviously looked a better proposition than me and it was as if I had suddenly turned invisible. They started doing the same thing to the Malaysians as they had done to me a couple of minutes earlier and completely ignored me. They had about as much sincerity as Thailand's last Prime Minister.

I do find myself in tourist areas occasionally and I do go to where the tourists go. For me these days, it's a strange curiosity because what goes on in those areas is totally alien to my life in Thailand.

Most of the Thai girls I know are so innocent and demure that when I see bar girl behaviour in Patong the experience is similar to watching a circus freakshow. It is so out of context in normal daily life in Thailand that it seems almost surreal.

It is those areas where there are lots of tourists that the mercenaries are drawn to. They have but one objective in life and that is to extract as much money from foreign men as possible. They will give you 10 minutes of conversation but if you haven't bought them a drink in that time or hinted that money will be forthcoming, they will leave.

As long as they are being paid, they will stay but as soon as the money stops, they will leave. They have the Buddhist ability to remain completely detached emotionally from whatever they do physically. Their bodies are used just as tools for their profession. They can lie there while a strange man pumps away on top of them and it means absolutely nothing to them apart from being a way to earn money.

The author of the quote above makes the point that occasionally it can be a pleasure to be taken by these girls but I would suggest treating them with a great deal of caution and whatever you do, don't form any emotional attachments. Falling in love with a mercenary Thai girl will empty your bank account fairly quickly and lead to a lot of emotional pain.

Every now and again, I read a load of naive nonsense from supposedly professional journalists about the Thai sex industry. Invariably, they focus on the plight of one poor girl who ended up in the industry as a result of poverty and they describe what a harrowing experience it has been for her. The mistake they make is implying that every Thai prostitute is a helpless victim.

Yes, this does happen. Girls from poor backgrounds with no job opportunities move to Bangkok and other tourist areas to find work in order to support their families. They don't want to be sex workers but find it is the only way they can earn enough to survive and send money home.

It is these girls who I feel sorry for but it's not the case for every single girl. The mercenary girls certainly aren't victims. They go about their work in a very calculated manner and the only victims involved are the foreign men who get involved with them.

I need to make the point that mercenary girls in Thailand make up only a tiny fraction of a percent of the overall female population. What is unfortunate, however, is that because of their easy accessibility, it is these girls that foreign men tend to head straight for as soon as they arrive in Thailand.

Conversely, it is foreign men who the mercenary girls are attracted to because they tend to have money and that money is very easy to get because the men don't understand what is happening. It may seem perfect at first but, in many ways, when foreign men meet Thai girls in tourist areas of Thailand it's a disaster waiting to happen.

And it's not just prostitutes. Even 'normal' Thai girls in relationships with foreign men can be quite mercenary. In many cases, if foreign men come unstuck with Thai girls and want to know who to blame, they need only look in the mirror.

Over a great many years, millions of words have been written about the potential hazards for tourists visiting Thailand. If anyone visits Thailand now and gets ripped off in a gem scam or by a bar girl, they only have themselves to blame.

One thing I will say for the girls is that even though they can be insincere, they are very rarely deceitful. If they are only after money, that fact will become clear very quickly - possibly within minutes. They won't pretend not to be after money if that is what they really want.

To avoid the mercenary girls all you need to do is walk away when they start revealing their true colours. If you know the score but ignore the signs and continue to come back for further punishment, then that is up to you.

I don't splash money around in Thailand because doing so has a tendency to attract all the wrong kind of people (not just girls) and it can actually be quite dangerous. Jealousy is not unknown in Thailand and the Thais can be a very vengeful race. I freely admit that I'm quite stingy with girls (as Iss will testify) but I avoid a lot of problems that way.

Temptation around every corner?

I once heard a farang living in Thailand say this and it quite surprised me. It especially surprised me as he was living in ultra-conservative southern Thailand. What did he mean? The working girls aren't exactly tempting men; they're just touting for business.

His comment seemed to imply that there are Thai females everywhere peering out of their lonely rooms, beckoning in passing strangers on their way to work for a quick illicit encounter. I can tell you, that definitely isn't the case.

Thais smile a lot and are famous for doing so. Remember, this is the 'Land of Smiles'. Everyone smiles at everyone, pretty girls even smile at ugly, sad, middle-aged farangs. Smile at a pretty girl in the UK and she will return a look that says, "What the f*** are you grinning at?" Certain females in the UK will actually tell you to, "F*** off."

But in Thailand if you smile at a pretty girl she will normally give a big smile back. Wow! It's a nice feeling and certainly puts a spring in my step but don't be confused. They say the Thais have a smile for all occasions and because of this they smile for different reasons.

Sometimes it's just to be friendly and sometimes it's because they feel nervous, afraid or threatened. Sometimes the famous Thai smile is used as a defence mechanism if a stranger may appear to be dangerous. What the smile from the pretty girl stranger is unlikely to be though is an invitation to her bedroom and if you think that you are sadly deluded.

Temptation around every corner? I don't think so my deluded friend. So what is the situation in Thailand with the girls, then? Well, there are lots of opportunities to look at pretty girls. It's free and no one gets too upset. A girl won't give you a mouthful of abuse for looking at her and her boyfriend probably won't beat you up. In fact, the girls seem to love the attention.

There are lots of opportunities to flirt with pretty girls. Flirting is a national pastime and girls will flirt with you more than you flirt with them but don't take it too seriously. They may give you a phone number or make a date and look desperate to see you again but there's a good chance they will disappear, never to be seen again. It happens a lot.

There are lots of opportunities to have sex with working girls. It's as easy going into somewhere for sex as it is going into 7-Eleven for a packet of Mama instant noodles. There are also lots of opportunities to form deep, meaningful relationships with very decent girls but this requires plenty of time and a deep level of commitment which could mean marriage.

Thailand is definitely a land of opportunity but temptation around every corner? I honestly don't think so.

Dependent Relationships

The Client/Patron relationship is so ingrained in Thai culture that not only is it perfectly acceptable; to a lot of Thais it is actually very desirable. Many Thais near the bottom of society are comfortable in a subservient 'client' role with a benefactor looking after them.

Give such a person the chance to live independently and they will refuse it in order to have the protection and security of a patron to look after them. The fact of the matter is that the majority of Thai girls who get involved with foreign men aren't that high up the social scale.

I see many Thai/farang couples in completely dependent relationships. He stands there like a lemon not understanding anything going on around him in Thailand; completely dependent on her to sort things out and also dependent on her for his emotional and sexual needs. She meanwhile is dependent on him financially.

There is nothing wrong with this if it is what both people are happy with. Societies in which people depend on others to help them tend to be a lot more pleasant that those where everyone has the attitude they can do everything themselves.

The problem with my relationship with a Thai girl is her complete emotional dependence on me which I find quite a burden at times. I can be happy whether she is around or not but it's not the same for her.

It makes me feel very restricted and it causes problems when I need my own space. She expects me to be dependent on her as well but I'm not. She asks who will look after me when I'm old or sick. She wants to take care of me and wants me to be dependent on her but that's not how I look at life.

I was ill one time while she was out of town. I met a female friend and I felt so rough that she took me to hospital. The girlfriend found out about this later and all hell was let loose because I had let another girl help me.

It was crazy but this dependence on each other is an important part of the culture. The other major problem I have is ending the relationship because she is so dependent on me. I have tried to do this several times and failed.

Rather than react just as if a relationship has ended, she reacts as if her who world has ended. It's an awful thing to witness but it means being locked in a relationship that I am not 100% happy about. Wonderful girls, the Thai girls, but completely different to any I have ever experienced before and foreign men planning to get involved need to be aware of the differences.

Thai Girls Page 1	Thai Girls Page 2
Thai girls and Thai society	Different types of Thai girl

Thai Girls Page 4	Thai Girls Page 5
Feelings, money and trust	Scams, commitment and revenge

Thai Girls Page 6	Thai Girls Page 7
Suggestions and conclusion	Some personal experiences