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Photo: Muslim fishing boats, Songkhla province What's On This Page? |
Thailand - Introduction Part 3Last updated: 4th December 2008 The BBC published an obituary for Nigel Bathurst Hankin, a man I had never heard of until after his death. What a fascinating life he led. An Englishman by birth, he spent most of his life abroad, and most of that time in India. He tried to return to Britain at one point but after three months returned to India because he found Britain so dull. The quote I love is that he "missed the chaos." After living in Thailand, I know exactly what he meant. Another quote that I found very interesting was that he never assimilated into the Indian way of life. He could speak the local languages and was an expert on all things Indian but always remained a detached (though sympathetic) observer. When I first came to Thailand I thought I would be able to assimilate. Several years later, not only have I not assimilated but I think it is impossible for foreigners to assimilate. Here's why. The Thai way of thinking, and Thai value and belief systems, are completely and utterly different to those of Westerners. In order to assimilate, it would first be necessary to erase a lifetime's worth of knowledge and beliefs and replace whatever was in your brain with the Thai versions. That's impossible. Even if it were possible, there is another (bigger) reason why Westerners cannot assimilate and that is because Thais won't let them. Even if a Westerner were to learn the language fluently (some have) and completely change their way of thinking; by virtue of their physical appearance they will always be a farang in Thai eyes - an outsider. Thais even consider other Thais who were born in Thailand as outsiders if they are Muslim, or of Chinese ethnicity, so what chance does a Westerner have? As a foreigner in Thailand you can co-exist extremely well with the natives, learn their language, eat their food, sing their songs, understand their culture, marry their women, live like they do, but you can never fully assimilate. To try to do so is futile. It's also unnecessary so why bother? When I first arrived in Thailand I thought that after a period of time living in the country I would start to fit in better but exactly the opposite has happened. The more I understand about Thailand and the Thais, the more I realise how different I am. It's not a problem for me but it has caused me to reset expectations. Another consequence is that the longer I live in Thailand, the more time I spend on my own. I have no interest in the expat community, and because of the differences it is difficult spending lots of time with Thais. Again, that isn't a problem for me but for some it might be.
This sounds bad but to survive in Thailand you can't afford to take life too seriously. If you do, you will only end up hitting your head against a brick wall or driving yourself insane. Forget logic, forget rational thinking, forget reasoning and structured argument. What carries the day is money, position, image and face. The politicians in Bangkok might introduce a new regulation for something but every Thai responsible for implementing the regulation will have his own interpretation and every Thai who might be affected has a way to get round the 'problem'. Failing that, they will just ignore rules and regulations. Getting things done relies very much on knowing the right people and having some money and influence. Even when money isn't a factor Thais may flatly refuse a request that to a foreigner seems perfectly reasonable. They will not back down and will offer no explanation. There is no point trying to reason with them or to get them to try to see your point of view. Just accept that you are a foreign guest in their country and that's the way things are. If you don't like it you can go elsewhere. They don't even need to speak, the famous Thai shoulder shrug and blank stare are all that is required. Mai pen rai ..... I decided to start writing down some 'Only In Thailand' anecdotes. If you have any good ones please let me know.
The ones I like most are the men who can think of no other reason for being in Thailand than cheap and available sex. They really think there is nothing else. They assume that was the reason I came here but now, after 'n' years of being in the country, I must be bored with the sex - surely? -so what on earth do I do to occupy my time now? I guess it is akin to 'train spotters' or 'plane spotters' trying to explain to others why they stand all day at a railway station or an airport with a pair of binoculars and a note pad jotting down what they see. Different things turn people on. The train and plane spotters know what turns them on in life so they pursue their hobby and they are happy regardless of what others think. It is the people who are not honest with themselves, who do things they don't really want to do in order to create an image who are the losers. Even Thais ask me if I get bored because I don't work many hours each week. These are the same people who sit around at work 12 hours a day, seven days a week looking bored most of the time and sleeping. Thailand for me provides a constant source of visual and intellectual stimulation. Just being in the environment gives me enough in life to keep me satisfied. The language and culture fascinate me. I could easily spend the rest of my days learning about both. But that's me. Thailand attracts different people for different reasons. If I was just attracted to beaches, bars and bar girls I'm sure that I would get bored with those things very quickly. One farang I met came to Thailand to 'semi-retire' and was teaching English. He told me that if he didn't teach English he would drink. It seems a shame that someone should be motivated to teach not to meet and make friends with Thais and to make a real difference to their lives but to avoid the onset of alcoholism. It also seems rather sad that someone living in a new country where absolutely everything about life is different to their native land can think of nothing better to do, if not teaching a few English classes, than tip beer down their throats. I guess we are all different.
Surviving Mentally In (And After) Thailand
I have seen farang males begging for money on the streets of Bangkok and it's a sad sight. They got hooked on Thailand, came back, used up all their money (it doesn't take long) and are now trying to survive from day to day by begging. To deal with Thailand you can do a lot worse than start thinking like the locals. What I am really referring to is trying to adopt some Buddhist principles, in particular non-attachment and impermanence. When a good thing happens in Thailand that's great but nothing stays the same. The place where it happened will not stay the same, nor will the people involved, nor will that state of mind you had at the time. The country is constantly changing in terms of development, economy and attitudes towards tourists. Attaching oneself to a place, person, experience, state of mind is futile because none of these things stay permanent. If scuba diving is your love, dive sites never stay the same, and men getting involved with Thai girls are probably the worst affected. Trying to hang on to something that you thought existed during a holiday is a complete waste of time. The girl (despite what she might tell you) won't be hanging on to the thought of you but will just getting on with her life. Thai girls sometimes seem quite callous in this respect but it is just because they don't get attached in the same way. Live for the moment and take everything as it comes but just because something was great don't think it will last forever so don't get attached to the idea it will. Thailand can seem like an escape from reality but sooner or later reality catches up with you. Some people 'run away' to Thailand and I can fully understand why. They weren't enjoying life but a short visit to Thailand made them happy again. It seems only sensible to try to make that happiness permanent by permanently moving to Thailand. However, the temporary happiness of a vacation atmosphere doesn't last forever. If you have personal problems, they don't get left behind when you run away to Thailand. They might be suppressed for a while but they soon reappear. The young man who sent me the spaceship photo above had some problems with life in the UK and came to Thailand to teach English. He too was seduced by Thailand but after a few months he started to see life in Thailand for what it was and it upset him. He was an intelligent and sensitive man - maybe too sensitive to survive in Thailand, actually. He returned to the UK but then came out to Thailand again where he found a good teaching position. He was keen to do a good job but his students weren't interested in learning and he got disillusioned. He started to learn Thai and was able to find out what the locals really thought. That also upset him. He returned to England again and after that decided to try his luck in Korea. I never heard from him again. However, I was contacted later by his father who informed me his son had committed suicide. I felt terrible. He had written to me about problems he faced in Thailand and I had tried to help by sharing my experiences but in the end it got too much for him. I'm sure he must have had many problems and it wasn't actually Korea or Thailand that pushed him over the edge but he saw those countries as escape routes. If you have problems you need to address them because wherever you are located they will come to the surface again. Thailand is not an escape from reality.
My Mental Survival In Thailand
I have lots of interests and I am good at keeping myself busy but some people aren't. I thrive on living in a different culture. I have no desire to mix with foreigners and I don't have a TV. I like my own company and do not get lonely as a rule. Basically I understand my own needs and based on my previous experiences in Thailand I knew it was a place I'd be comfortable living in. If you have been to Thailand for a vacation and want to come back for a longer stay try to understand yourself. Realise that what you occupied yourself with on a two week holiday probably won't be appropriate or satisfactory for a long stay. You can't spend every day lazing on the beach and every night in bars with bar girls. Don't just use Thailand as an escape from reality. It will work for a while but it will catch up with you very soon. Thailand wasn't just an escape for me when life started getting unbearable in the West. I had given a lot of thought to what I wanted in life. More than anything though, an understanding of Buddhism has helped me and it is something I would urge other people to explore. Nothing is permanent. I am currently very happy in Thailand but nothing will stay the same. As a person I won't stay the same, my Thai friends won't stay the same, nor will Thailand, nor will the life I left back home.
I try to enjoy the present and not get hung up on events that happened in my past or worry about things that may happen in the future. I do not want a lot in life and do not have unrealistic expectations. I think about what I want and do not allow my family, friends, peers, manufacturers or advertisers to tell me what I want. I am the only person who knows what I want. I am quite satisfied with what I already have and I understand that grasping for things that I don't have leads to dissatisfaction. I believe in the law of cause and effect - Karma. It is something I have experienced personally many times and something I have witnessed with other people. I make an effort to treat all people as I would like them to treat me and I try to take care of my future with my actions today. For a long time one of my weaknesses in Thailand was the girls. To be suddenly attractive and desirable to females after 40-odd years of being ugly and undesirable was quite a novelty but after a while I started understanding the truth of the situation and it wasn't always pleasant. Having a steady Thai girlfriend has helped me. Dealing with the sometimes emotional, irrational and illogical nature of a Thai female day after day isn't always easy but on balance I think I have been better off in a fairly stable relationship. I do not associate with bar girls and there is not a constant stream of different girls going back to my apartment each night. I have made an effort to understand Thai society and I know what Thai people think even if they never say what they think. I have been careful with how I behave and as a result I have made friends with people who are quite highly placed in the social hierarchy. What keeps me most sane though is having kept my options open. Apart from my job, which I left, and my car, which I sold, everything is as it was back home. It is very reassuring that if I decide to go back to the UK at any point to pick up my old life, I can. The income I have from home makes working in Thailand an option which is another good thing. I work for fun and if people start taken advantage or messing me around I am free to walk out because I don't rely on the money.
Here are some thoughts of mine on what makes an ideal country. It should be blessed with a warm year-round climate and abundant rain. It will have fertile plains and be surrounded with seas rich in fish. Its people will be a mix of races, have a gentle nature, be welcoming to strangers and not be greedy, craving material things. There will be lots of pretty girls (very important in my 'ideal' country). At the top of society will be a group of people who care very much for the people of the country, maybe a monarchy. For spiritual faith and guidance, and to provide an ethical code for people to live their lives by, the religion (for want of a better word) will be Buddhism. Fortunately for me this ideal country already exists and it is called Thailand. On the other hand I truly believe that the Western model of capitalism and consumerism, which is being adopted by all and sundry these days, is deeply flawed and heading for a major collapse. Despite what was said in the movie 'Wall Street', greed is not good. It is a selfish vice that leads to unhappiness and suffering. the model has survived so far because so much of the world was isolated from it up until fairly recently.
Since the break up of the Soviet Union, China and India's emergence on to the world stage as major technological economies and Southeast Asia's transition from rice and fruit growers and sources of cheap labour to emerging industrialised nations, everything has changed. These countries all seek the same massive year-on-year growth for their economies but the fact is that the world is a finite resource. Infinite growth with ultimately a finite amount of resources is of course impossible. By following the trends, Thailand will only end up with the same problems as every other greedy country. My genuine belief is that if Thailand stuck to its traditional beliefs not only would it avoid many future problems but it will be in a position to assist other countries. Instead of being a follower, Thailand could be a real leader in showing the world how to lead happy lives. The problem is trying to make people understand who have never had very much. How can you explain to a family who have a motorbike to get around on that having a Mercedes car will not make them as happy as they imagine it will? How can you tell them it will be a constant source of worry, it will go wrong and that the debts incurred to buy and run it will cause stress and unhappiness?
Less really is more. "No cows, no cares," so the saying goes. Getting rid of a lot of things in my life has made me feel so much better because of the reduced stress. However, I've experienced having things and not having things. Many Thais have not and this is one of the big problems in developing countries. As humans we normally only really learn from experience. The Thais need to experience having things in order to learn but my fear is that if society changes too much it will be irreversible and there will be no going back. Many Thai intellectuals and spiritual leaders are aware of the problems but unfortunately the policy makers have a different agenda. The other thing of course is human nature. Many people are naturally greedy and in Thailand there is also an obsession with self-image and owning status symbols. Ultimately, the conclusion is inevitable. Who knows though? I hope I am proved to be very wrong.
Last updated: 13th September 2008
As a Caucasian visitor in Thailand you are a farang and will be referred to as such at all times. Just walking into somewhere and being spotted by Thais will result in some banter between the Thais and you will hear farang in the conversation. If one Thai working in a restaurant tells another Thai to give you your bill, or tells the kitchen what you ordered, you will be referred to as farang. It's never the Thai equivalent of 'the chap in the corner' or 'the couple sitting at table 22', it is ALWAYS farang. Sometimes, even with Thais that I know very well, if they are talking about me to another Thai they use farang. I have even heard of Western men married to Thai women and the girl's family refer to them as farang! Thais will insist it is not a derogatory term but I'm not keen on it and I don't like people using it when referring to me. It just sounds rude. When waitresses speak very politely while taking my order but then shout out to the cook, "Farang gin ......," whatever I ordered it is just rude. All nationalities have slang words for other nationalities (and the English are no exception) but if I was talking about a foreign person who was present at the time I wouldn't say 'the Yank' or 'the Kraut' or 'the Frog'. Whatever your take on the Thai usage of the word, get used to it because you will hear it often. I haven't heard "Hey you, farang," too often but it does happen. The Thais tend to use it more when talking about you rather than to you. One of the reasons I don't like farang is because there are more polite terms Thais can use if they want to, but apparently there aren't any less polite terms. If they want to be polite that can say, "kon dtaang chaht," or, "chao dtaang bpratet," which I hear only very occasionally. However, when a group of uneducated country boys hanging around on their motorbikes want to insult me in the street and use (presumably) the lowest form of language they can, I am still a farang. My reaction to the word depends entirely on the situation. In the space of a couple of days, two young Thai kids used it with me and my reaction was very different. One small girl was doing her utmost to be polite but didn't know how to address me. In the sweetest of voices she eventually decided on, "Farang, kaa." It was the cutest thing and had me and the other adult Thais around all laughing. The next incident didn't make me laugh. As I walked into a restaurant a fat kid who was eating dinner with his parents looked up at me dismissively with his little piggy eyes, announced, "Farang," to everyone, and then went back to stuffing his fat face. I felt like whacking the little bugger. He got an intense stare and a, "Mai mii maarayaat," (no manners). His mother repeated what I had said, gave an embarrassed laugh and then made sure her little angel was OK. Some children - especially male only children - are spoilt rotten in Thailand and can do no wrong. Just because you hear a Thai saying farang it doesn't necessarily mean he or she is talking about you. The Thai word for guava fruit is farang. Certain non-indigenous foodstuffs also have the word farang in their Thai names. Potatoes are called man farang in Thai, while asparagus is known as nor mai farang. What I've never been able to figure out is what Thais mean when they say they can't speak, "Phasaa Farang," (Faranganese?) - the universal language of farangs. Perhaps they are referring to Esperanto but I can't speak that either. One evening at a local restaurant they weren't very busy so I took the opportunity to sit down with the staff for a chat. One of the subjects we spoke about was the use of farang as they know I don't particularly like them referring to me as one. It was an interesting conversation. As far as they are concerned it definitely isn't derogatory. To them it's just what I am. In the restaurant there are no table numbers. When an order is ready the chef has to tell one of the wait staff which table to take it to. They do this by referring to a person on that table by their most obvious feature. When I eat there I am the 'farang table' but another order might be for the 'fat table' or the 'short table' or the 'ugly table'. Thais repeatedly tell me the term isn't derogatory but it depends on the context. Perhaps an analogy would be the best way to describe what I mean? The following is certainly not intended to cause offence. The word 'black' in the context of black people isn't, as far as I am aware, offensive. Just as I sometimes use farang to talk about myself or other people like me in Thailand, black people will use 'black' in a similar way to describe themselves or other black people. No problem. But what if black people continually heard white people referring to them as 'blacks'. What if they continually heard white people referring to them as 'blacks' whenever they walked down the street, or into a shop or restaurant? What if a waitress was told to serve food to the 'table of blacks'? My guess is that in many countries it would cause outrage - and rightly so. White people - even if they make up the majority in a particular country - just wouldn't do it. But this is exactly what Thais do all the time. I am writing this now shortly after getting back from a restaurant where it happened yet again. One waiter whispered in his friend's ear "farang" as soon as I walked in. It pissed me off to the extent that I almost walked straight out again. Why do they do it? I know. He knows. His friend knows. Everyone knows. So why bother to say anything? For maybe every time it sounds cute coming from a young child who doesn't know any better, there are 20 occasions when it simply sounds rude and offensive.
Due to the increasing size of this section, I have moved it to a separate page - Thailand Bibliography.
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