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Some personal thoughts, impressions and photos of Koh Lanta.

Thailand - Koh Lanta

Introduction

What is written below is not altogether complimentary and some people who have enjoyed vacations on Koh Lanta may be wondering why I am so negative. Basically it's because after living in Thailand for almost three years I see things differently to package tourists and backpackers.

I don't claim to be an expert (like 99% of farangs who live in, or have ever visited, Thailand) but I know certain things about Thailand now that I wasn't aware of when I visited as a tourist.

I know when Thais are being nice in a sincere way and when they are attempting to be nice just to get money. I have a very good understanding of how much things cost in Thailand (not least because I earn a local wage).

I know what is normal behaviour and I know when something isn't right. I understand certain cultural traits such as the concept of losing face and I know why Thais lie the way they do. I also realise that some Thais are greedy beyond belief and I have a basic grasp of the language. I can't converse the way the Thais do but my ears pick up phrases such as "rakhaa farang" quite well.

In short, I know when I am being taken advantage of and there is nothing I hate more. When this happens I have no qualms about just walking away from the situation. It has happened in Thailand both in the workplace and when renting rooms. In both situations I have walked away. Sometimes though I find myself in situations where I am being taken advantage of but I can't walk away. This makes me exceptionally angry and resentful.

Koh Lanta is not necessarily a bad place but as far as Thai islands go it isn't that great and when I visited I experienced some of the worst greed, lies and money-grubbing I have ever seen in Thailand. Meanwhile the myth of the laid-back, easy going, cheap and relaxed 'tropical paradise' is peddled perpetually by Thais who have no interest in anything apart from money.

Naive farangs who have read 'The Beach' and want to escape from their lives elsewhere lap it all up and hand over money like water thus making greedy people even greedier. It makes no difference to me until such time as I have to go to one of the places they go to and then I find that I too am treated just like another stupid farang fresh off the plane.

Cynical? Yes, I am, but I defy any thinking person to spend a couple of years in Thailand and not be cynical.

Koh Lanta

For very good reasons I stay away from the main tourist areas of Thailand, especially at peak times. Of course, this isn't always possible. When I want to travel to parts of Thailand popular with tourists I try to do it in the low season. However, there are times when I am committed to meeting friends or family in Thai tourists areas at peak times and it is completely unavoidable. It was on one such occasion that I found myself going to Ko Lanta for New Year.

Koh Lanta had interested me for some time so I wasn't too upset about making a visit. Thailand's tourism industry is a fantastic marketing machine. The Thais have long been aware that farangs will spend fortunes to be anywhere that has a bit of sand and a few palm trees. What was pretty much useless land is now a tourist goldmine and hardly a stretch of Thai coastline remains undeveloped. If Koh Lanta had been regarded as valuable land before the onset of mass tourism it would be dominated by Chinese, not Muslims.

If you analyse what goes on you will see that the whole thing is a big lie. The Thais have created this idyllic notion of what life should be like so that foreigners can escape the evil, materialistic Western world and spend their hard-earned money vacationing in Thailand.

Most Thais, however, are completely uninterested in their traditional way of life and just want the foreigners' money so they can then have the same materialistic lifestyles the foreigners are trying to escape. It's sad and ironic but I guess this is just human nature. Whatever people have they aren't content with and they want what someone else has.

As other resorts in Thailand (Phuket, Pattaya, Samui) have quickly become overdeveloped and ugly, the clever marketing people have turned their attention to the less developed islands and beaches. According to the blurb, the "magical island of Koh Lanta" is now Thailand's latest "tropical paradise." (Excuse me while I yawn.)

After reading all this crap I wanted to see it for myself. I wanted to know if Lanta was all it was cracked up to be. I had lots of questions but after my visit I have only one. "Is Koh Lanta the greediest place in Thailand?"

My journey started in Hat Yai where I boarded a minivan to Trang. That was fine, no problems, but I wasn't among tourists. The problems began at Trang where my path merged with the tourist trail. Opposite Trang railway station are a number of travel agents arranging travel to and accommodation on Lanta and the other islands in that area of the Andaman coast. The ponytail and bandana brigade were very evident, a few studying their Lonely Planet guides like born-again Christians studying their King James bibles. Sad but true.

After enquiring about a minivan to Lanta I was informed there was almost a two-hour wait. I asked if there were other agencies that arranged minivans to Lanta and was told no. That was lie number one and over the next 48 hours I was to hear several more.

The minivan journey was at the usual hair-raising speed with outrageous overtaking manoeuvres. Road travel in Thailand is not for the faint-hearted or those who value their lives. A large car ferry was boarded from the mainland to Lanta Noi and another, smaller car ferry from Lanta Noi to Lanta Yai.

At Lanta Yai we stopped at the Lanta office of the travel agency. Several Thais rushed over trying to entice tourists to stay at their bungalows, salivating at the prospect of some easy farang money. I also glimpsed some classic farang kee ngok types who obviously hadn't washed their hair for months as dreadlocks were forming.

My first impressions of the island weren't good. It wasn't particularly pretty - quite ugly actually - compared to other Thai islands and the sea wasn't a nice colour at all. The beaches are OK but not very white and there are lots of rocks which make swimming a problem.

The main road was paved but apparently it has only been paved for about a year and we had to go along a mud track to drop off one Thai passenger. The majority of the local population appear to be Muslim.

I knew where my friends were staying and previously I had telephoned the owner about booking a room but I didn't like the way he spoke to me and his insistence on sending money. His lust for money became apparent very early on in the conversation and I got some bad vibes. Instead, I had asked my friend to book a room.

At the bungalow (Lanta Pavilian Resort on Klong Khong beach) they first denied that a room had been reserved and said they were full. But then, suddenly, a room became available after I found and spoken to my friend.

The next issue was that I had specifically requested a room without A/C. It was very cool, I am fairly used to the Thai weather, and A/C was completely unnecessary. What's more, is that they charge a huge premium for rooms with A/C which is completely unjustified.

They told me that my friend had asked for a room with A/C which was another lie. By now, I was getting bored and annoyed at being treated like a stupid farang. My friend confirmed she didn't and I knew she didn't but the people at the bungalow wouldn't accept this because they were trying to get me into an expensive A/C room which I didn't want or need.

I asked them how much the room was. Bt1,900 they told me. I can't really express how I felt at this point. On the phone a few days previously the guy had told me Bt1,500 for A/C rooms but I didn't want an A/C room anyway. Now, all of a sudden, thinking they had a captive victim it had gone up to Bt1,900.

The bungalow was basic, at the most. I have stayed in better bungalows in Khaolak for Bt400 and really nice hotels for Bt1,000. Bt1,900 for this place was ridiculous, even at New Year. After travelling most of the day I didn't really want to start wandering around looking for other places but I would have done.

They said I could have the room for Bt1,200 but they took away the remote control for the A/C to make sure I couldn't use it. I was still paying over the odds as they advertise non A/C rooms for Bt800. I was angry but I was there to see my friends and didn't want to create a scene. I also had my girlfriend in tow and didn't want to subject her to all this unnecessary hassle.

When we entered the room there was an overwhelming smell of air-freshener spray. Once the smell of the spray had worn off it became apparent why they had sprayed it. The smell in the toilet was disgusting. There is no mains sewerage so septic tanks are used but it seems that this room had a problem and the sewage fumes were coming back into the bathroom. The smell cannot be described in words but anyone staying at the Pavilian would be well advised to avoid bungalow 3.

Again I was not happy but when I tried to speak to the staff they completely denied having a problem. Do what? They obviously knew there was a problem, unless no one working there had a sense of smell, but the solution was just to spray the room before guests arrived, hang an air freshener in the bathroom and deny the problem exists. This is so Thai. What a terrible loss of face it would be admitting having such a problem so just deny it exists and let the guests suffer.

That evening our little group went off to meet some other friends and more rip offs took place. There is no public transportation; I assume because the locals can now all afford to have Bt1.5 million pickup trucks as a result of ripping off so much money, but the distances between beaches are a little too far to walk.

So-called taxis are just motorbikes with covered sidecars attached and to take a few people five or ten minutes down the road they want at least Bt50 per person. Elsewhere in Thailand it would be Bt10 or Bt15. This little sideline is so lucrative that every local with a vehicle is a taxi. And what does it matter how many people? A taxi fare is a taxi fare regardless of how many people. It's just another way to extort more money.

Every local with a vehicle wants to be a taxi for the easy money. There are no authorities here regulating the cab trade. They just put a sign in the car or - as happened frequently - stop when they see tourists and ask if they want a taxi.

It's no wonder they are so keen to earn Bt200 in a few minutes when many Thai labourers toil all day in the heat of the sun to earn that amount. In Bangkok you can go enormous distances in a metered taxi for Bt100 and even on Lanta I saw a sign advertising all day tours for Bt200. So how can they justify Bt200 for a five minute ride? They can't but they all stick together and have the tourists by the proverbial short-and-curlies.

One guy I said, "No thanks," to had the nerve to shout out, "Kee niaow," after me. Yep, I might be stingy but I'm not stupid. Chock dii to you too my friend.

As is the case in many parts of Thailand though, to enforce these rip offs the locals operate a cartel system. Everyone quotes the same ridiculous price so that tourists have to cough up or get stranded.

The service in our bungalow resort was pretty dire and I didn't appreciate the beach-front disco every night until the small hours of the morning played at a ridiculous volume. There was a smarmy Thai guy who went around calling the guests by their first names. "Hello Anna, how are you, hello Leah." It was all so insincere when their only interest was money-grubbing.

My Thai girlfriend was even treated the same way and it made her annoyed also. She couldn't believe the Bt40 they charged her for a bottle of water and the way they spoke to her. When Thais get greedy it doesn't seem to matter who they are dealing with, they are only interested in money.

When I ordered a minivan at reception to get back to Trang I was quoted Bt300 when it only cost Bt200 to get there from Trang. Why was it 50% more expensive to get back? My protestations resulted in them lowering the price to Bt250 but it was still too expensive. One girl told me it is, "Nit noi." After all, that is how they think. Farangs universally have untold wealth so the Thais are perfectly justified to jack up prices as high as they like.

I also found myself getting angry with tourists because if they didn't just hand over the money the situation wouldn't exist but it's not really their fault. I have been to Thailand many times and have lived there for over two years. I can understand some of the language and I am fully familiar with how much things should be in Thailand. They aren't.

Good things about Lanta? The food was very good. I think I was a bit unlucky with the accommodation I stayed at because I saw some other places that looked a lot better and were cheaper. The Lanta Riviera, for example, had better rooms, a nice looking swimming pool, good food and lower prices. I also found some very rustic Bt400 bamboo thatch bungalows (Lanta Merry Hut) that would be OK for backpackers looking for a very quiet place.

As usual in Thailand, the local kids were great because they haven't yet become affected by greed. Money and the love of money has ruined this country. Another thing I noticed on Lanta was the lack of stray dogs that exist everywhere else in Thailand. Muslims cannot touch dogs and with the large Muslim population here I guess that is the reason. There were a few dogs but not many. I met a few fine cats though which is always an added bonus.

I can't see myself going back in a hurry. The whole scene just isn't me. Lazing around every day in a hammock and getting drunk every night while being blasted with loud music gets very boring. The latest hippy craze seems to be fire twirling on the beach. Trying to look like Tai-Chi masters, they twirl two pieces of rope around with lighted wicks at the end. Ah, very cool.

More than anything though, I don't like being treated like an ignorant idiot who is only good for handing over money. They only get away with it because tourists don't know any better and can't understand the language. When you do begin to understand, it gets quite infuriating.

Is Lanta a safe place? I didn't experience any problems myself but I saw a lot of young lads who looked very dodgy. Thai males with criminal tendencies have a certain look about them. My friends stayed late at the Opium bar on New Year's Eve and told me that around midnight it was overtaken by young Thai males who were looking for trouble. She said the atmosphere was very bad and the police turned up.

In Thailand there is always a slight sense of lawlessness but in remote places - such as islands - it does seem to be worse. I would advise single girls travelling to Lanta to be very careful, especially at night. There were loads of kids riding around on motorbikes. The boy in the photo was 13 but I saw lots of kids riding motorbikes who could only have been 9 or 10. There was hardly a crash helmet in sight and visiting farangs don't help to set an example by riding around far too fast with no crash helmets.

Development on Lanta looks set to take off. The Thais have it all ways. While places are being developed they can market them as unspoilt paradises and then, when they are developed, they can market them as the next Phuket or whatever.

There are some quite upmarket resorts and spas which look very nice but the prices are very upmarket too. The ferry pier is being upgraded to make it look nice and the cheap bungalows will no doubt be knocked down soon so that new ones can be built and higher prices can be charged.

In time Lanta will just go the same way as the other resort areas of Thailand. The Thais have completely sold out in their greed for money. There will come a time though when no unspoilt beaches or islands will exist in Thailand. If that's what they want, fine, but there will also come a time when they realise that money isn't the number one priority in life. The problem is though, it will be too late to do anything by then.

Accommodation

Here are a few accommodation options on Lanta but there are hundreds more. I went for New Year, probably the busiest time of year, and there were still plenty of rooms available. This isn't want you will hear from travel agencies, or bungalows if you call them directly. They will tell you everywhere is full to make you book with them. "Go hok, go hok, go hok, go hok, go hok." This should be Ko Lanta's motto. If you don't know what it means, ask a Thai. It's a handy phrase to know if you visit Lanta.

I noticed that some of the URLs didn't work but I have left them just in case it was a temporary problem.