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Photo: Tricks that you might only ever see performed by motorcycle display teams are everyday sights in Thailand What's On This Page?
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Thailand - Only in ThailandThe expression 'Only in Thailand' is sometimes used by foreigners when Thai logic (an oxymoron if ever there was one) gets the better of them. Here are a few examples. In a bid to bolster the mega-important tourist industry that brings so much money into the country, Thaksin allocated funds for a Singapore-style 'Night Safari' to be set up in his home town of Chiang Mai. The new zoo needed animals of course and Kenya stepped up to donate some African wildlife. The idea was to strengthen ties between the two countries and it was a nice gesture. Come the official opening, a special event was planned for VIP guests at Bt4,500 a head and on the menu was tiger, lion, elephant and giraffe, not to mention dog from Sakhon Nakhon province in Thailand. Not only did this raise a few eyebrows among wildlife conservationists but it rather upset the Kenyans as well. With regular busts at Chatuchak market for the sale of endangered species, Thailand's reputation for poor wildlife conservation was not enhanced.
Here's a little conundrum for you to think about. Imagine you come across some poor villagers from the poorest part of the country who, while toiling in the fields one day under a blazing Thai sun, discover some 100 million year-old dinosaur bones, eggs and fossilised dinosaur dung. To palaeontologists the find is priceless and could offer valuable clues to what life was like on earth millions of years ago or help us to understand what really killed off the dinosaurs. What do you do? Here are some possible suggestions:
Only in Thailand .....
An example is the university where I do some teaching. In the common areas where the students eat, relax, sleep and occasionally study it is not at all unusual to see a couple of stray dogs lying on the floor like well-loved pets. No one thinks it is at all strange or amusing - apart from me, of course. My students told me of a particularly large stray hound who turned up regularly at one stage to attend lectures in one of the lecture halls. As usual, no one did anything to prevent the thing entering and once Fido was inside no one did anything to eject him. It was rumoured that the dog was more intelligent than some students. Having met quite a few Thai undergraduates this wouldn't surprise me.
Only in Thailand can you walk around a traditional fresh market looking at all manner of deep-fried insects, and the most revolting pig offal you will ever see in your life, and cause disgust by suggesting that rabbits being sold as pets are actually quite tasty. My Mum used to serve up stewed rabbit when we were kids occasionally. The taste is a little gamey and there are a lot of small bones but it's good. Some folks from the north-east region are partial to dog meat and field mice but eating rabbit, apparently, is frowned on in Thailand. Use of the word, "Aroi" is not recommended in the vicinity of cute, fluffy bunnies.
No, this probably isn't what you think. This is the 'Only in Thailand' page remember, not the 'Hazards' page. This isn't about buying a copied Rolex, pair of Levis or fake gems. A Thai thief steals some gold jewellery and takes his spoils to sell at the local Chinese gold shop. Rather than the gold shop weighing the jewellery and giving him a nice wad of cash they tell him that actually the gold isn't real and is worthless. What would a regular thief's reaction be? Would he just utter something profane, the Thai equivalent of 'blast' and hope for better luck from his next victim? Of course not. This is Thailand. He returns to his victim, complains loudly to her about the counterfeit contraband she 'gave' him and knocks her around a bit for wasting his time. This isn't just a one-off silly season crazy story that you might read in the tabloids. I am reliably informed that such episodes are a fairly regular occurrence in Thailand. If you are robbed and the thief is about to take a piece of artificial jewellery explain the situation to him and give him the real stuff that is hidden under the floorboards otherwise he will be back next week in a foul mood.
Last updated: 11th November 2007
A Canadian guy I was chatting to who lives in Thailand was travelling on the train with his Thai wife and adopted Thai daughters and wanted to set a good example so he collected up all their rubbish and put it into a plastic bag. Unable to find anywhere to deposit the bag of rubbish - and being a responsible citizen - he found the train guard and gave the rubbish to him. Slightly bemused at the farangs 'strange' behaviour, the guard accepted the bag, took a quick look at what was inside, thanked him ... and then tossed it out of the train into the surrounding countryside. Of course, Thailand being Thailand, there is one rule for the Thais and another for foreigners. Tons of rubbish gets dumped in fields and streets every day of the year all over the country but if a foreign tourist accidentally drops a used bus ticket in one of Bangkok's 'Clean Zones', he will be hit with an instant Bt2,000 fine.
This is a classic 'Only in Thailand' story except that it happened outside of Thailand. Suseree Tavedikul, an ex-Thai ambassador to The Netherlands, decided to sell the Thai Embassy in a private sale. He agreed to sell the Embassy compound to a businessman called J Bakker. This sounds unbelievable but it is true. A lawsuit ensued which resulted in a huge legal bill which Khun Suseree was eventually presented with. So, why on earth did he think he had the right to sell the building in which he worked - and get away with it? The answer, I believe, lies in Thai culture. People in positions of power are expected to use that power to their own advantage. It's one of those laws of nature in Thailand. It is not only condoned, it is actually encouraged. This is the underlying reason why there is so much corruption in Thailand; why it shows no sign of going away and why politicians protest they have done nothing wrong when the evidence against them clearly shows they have. The problem when you have this kind of belief system is where do you draw the line? If politicians and other people in power are actually encouraged and expected to use that power to their own good, what are the limits? None of us are totally honest in life but because we understand what is right and wrong we don't generally overstep the mark. There probably aren't too many people who haven't taken a little stationery from the office stationery cupboard but that's where we stop. Unfortunately, the more power people have in an organisation - or a society - the more they think they are entitled to take. We saw it in the corporate world a few years ago with the likes of Enron and Worldcom. This kind of thing doesn't just happen in Thailand but because of certain aspects of Thai culture it happens a lot more than it might in other countries.
Many activities are unregulated in Thailand. Take the foot massage industry for instance - there are hundreds of massage shops in tourist areas. At most places new employees get no proper training, they just watch what other people do for a few days and then start copying their more experienced colleagues. To improve the situation, someone in government decided that all massage shops should be regulated and, to do this, employers needed to send all their employees on proper training courses. This all sounds perfectly reasonable so far. So what happened next? The boss of a shop I know (who had never touched a foot in her life) suddenly started doing foot massages and had a lot of questions for her staff. It turns out she was doing a proper course and by completing the course her shop would get a certificate to say it is an officially regulated establishment. Once she got the certificate she never touched another foot. The actual work continued to be carried out by unqualified people but everyone was happy because the shop had a nice certificate on the wall. Here's another one. A girl I know was looking quite stressed. Turns out she was about to go to Bangkok to sit an examination to test her knowledge of Thai herbs to get a license to sell them. Again, everything sounds perfectly reasonable so far. Some herbs are as strong as drugs and people should understand their effects on the body before selling them. So, was she planning to go into the Thai herb business, then? Er, not quite. There are many folks around apparently who sell Thai herbs but are not licensed to do so. If she gets a license she can affiliate herself to their businesses for an ongoing monthly fee - Bt5,000 I believe. While selling under her name (and displaying her certificate) they can then trade quite legitimately without fear of prosecution and she gets paid for doing nothing. Everyone's happy. This is very Thai. Depending on your point of view you can say the Thais are very pragmatic, they look at obstacles and take the most direct approach to overcome them, or you can say it is a complete farce. On the surface everything looks great - very important for saving face. The country can boast of having strict regulations about who can provide certain services or who can sell certain items, and establishments selling those items or offering those services have a nice certificate which is proof they have complied with the regulations. The reality is completely different though and no one I speak to in Thailand can see anything wrong with this approach, not even educated Thais. They honestly can't understand why I laugh.
Yesterday morning a girl who works for me came into my office holding a mobile phone and asked if I knew who it belonged to. I said I didn't and to leave it with me so I could try to find out. A little later she told me she had now remembered and it was in fact hers. She had bought a new one the day before and had forgotten what her old one looked like! (Submitted by Ian from Pattaya).
Sometimes I am so grateful for things that happen 'Only in Thailand'. It's a crazy country most of the time but on occasions I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. While visiting Ayuthaya, I had done a walking tour of the temples in the morning and found a great place to eat lunch. The food was good and I ate my lunch sitting on the floor resting on one of those triangular cushions that are popular in Thailand. At the end of the meal I reclined on the cushion with an aching back and shoulders from carrying a camera bag that was a little too heavy. At that moment a shoulder massage would have been perfect so, being a cheeky type at times, I called the waitress over and asked her to massage my shoulders. Can you imagine the response such a request would get in the West? I can and it would probably be a two-word answer. Not in Thailand though. The girl said she couldn't but it so happened, she told me, that another one of the waitresses was a masseuse. The first girl called the other girl over, we negotiated a quick deal and she got to work. I was so desperate for some massage therapy she could have asked for whatever she wanted but we agreed on Bt100. I lay back and for about 30 minutes she performed miracles with her hands. I left the restaurant with a satisfied stomach and a revigorated body ready to continue my temple sightseeing. What a country.
Before agreeing to take a hotel room in Kanchanaburi I wanted to take a look first. The room was OK but there were ashtrays and a faint smell of smoke. I asked the bellboy if there were non-smoking rooms. "Certainly," he replied. OK then, I'm happy. We stroll down to reception so I can check in and I tell the receptionist I want one of the non-smoking rooms. From the expression on her face I can tell that they don't have any non-smoking rooms. Because of 'face' in Thailand a Thai won't tell you they don't have something or don't know something. This looks bad (they think) so they always say yes. The receptionist and the bellboy babble away in Thai and continue to look confused. I interrupt, telling her that I don't smoke. A look of recognition suddenly appears on her face as if she has suddenly seen the light. I don't get the non-smoking room I was told about because there aren't any but the receptionist tells me it is OK for me not to smoke in the room. Gee, thanks.
I have a German friend who speaks fluent Thai and English and he was telling me that one day he was talking to a Thai man. The man asked how long do farangs go to school for and my friend told him 11 years. His reply came back, "Oh, farangs must be really stupid, Thais only have to go to school for two years." (Submitted by Ian from Pattaya).
I wanted to buy a bed. I saw one that I liked but it was 6 foot and I wanted a 5 foot one. I asked the seller, "Do you have a bed like that, but I want it in 5 foot?" He replied that this one is 5 foot. "No it isn't," I said. He continued to insist it was but I could see just by looking at it that it was 6 foot and told him to fetch a tape measure. This he did and laid it across the bed. It was indeed 6 foot. He scratched his head, thought a moment and tried again, it was still six foot. He turned away from the bed for a minute then turned back and tried it again, and yes it was still six foot but the story gets better. He walked off and got another tape measure to try again. Yet again it was still six foot and at that he finally had to admit defeat and sent someone off to his warehouse to look for a 5 foot version. Eventually all was resolved and I purchased my 5 foot bed but the entertainment came free. (Submitted by Ian from Pattaya).
I know an Englishman here who owns a hotel. He had a problem with a wobbling fan and asked his resident Thai 'engineer' to fix it. The 'engineer' looked at it and hadn't a clue what to do, so my friend suggested trying to balance it by glueing on Bt1 coins. He did just that, he glued a Bt1 coin to each blade! Being quite a large hotel there are always lamps blowing somewhere. The owner would tell the same 'engineer' that a light needs replacing in a certain room. The 'engineer' would go and remove a lamp from somewhere else and simply swap it. It took my friend a little while to work this one out as for a while it seemed there were always several lights out throughout the hotel. (Submitted by Ian from Pattaya).
In my previous building I built an office workshop area. I sent two of my Thai staff to paint the office floor. I told them to paint the floor and work towards the exit door. That is in any case common sense, it shouldn't be necessary to tell even a Thai that. One hour passed, then two hours, then three hours. I was thinking, "Where are they, they should be finished by now?" So I went to check. I opened the door and burst out laughing, they were at the other side of the floor waiting for the paint to dry! (Submitted by Ian from Pattaya).
It was one of those mornings where I got caught up in computer work and around midday my stomach reminded me I hadn't eaten anything since waking up. Being the first meal of the day I needed something bready and there was nothing in the flat. I decided on a quick trip to Auntie Anne's for pretzels. By the time I got there I was famished and suffering quite badly from being so hungry. I placed my order for pretzels only to be told there was a seven minute wait. In my condition it sounded like a lifetime. But then I noticed a couple of hotdog type pretzels in a heated glass container. One of those would be perfect while I waited for my pretzels to be baked. I placed my second order and handed over the money waiting for the girl to pluck out one of the hotdogs. Nothing. I looked at her and, very Thai-like, I was ordered to sit down. Thais love telling people to sit down. "Nang gawn, nang gawn," she said, so I duly obliged. I sat there still waiting for her to bring over one of the hotdogs but nothing. Time to interject. I asked for my hotdog. "Seven minutes," she told me. "No, I don't want to wait for a fresh one to be cooked, that's why I ordered something that had already been made so I can eat something right now, I want one of those two there." At this point another girl gets involved. My Thai isn't great but it's good enough to say I want to eat that now. I still don't manage to get what I want. By now I am getting quite irritated. Being tired or hungry generally makes people irritable. My Thai is also good enough to ask why I can't have what I want. "It's cold," she tells me. I very much doubt that as it's sitting in a hot compartment, the kind of thing British Rail keep sausage rolls and meat pies warm with. They won't budge and in the end I am forced to take my seat again and wait. The seven minutes turns into 15 minutes and my hunger pangs just get worse. I receive a nice smile when the food eventually arrives and everything has been cooked fresh, which is commendable, but in the circumstances it isn't what I wanted. I've had other problems in shops where I know they have what I want (sometimes I can actually see it) but they appear not to want to sell me the item. It's not always language problems either. It's just Thailand.
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