What's On This Page?

Thoughts and impressions about Patong and how it has changed since I first visited in 1992.

Thailand - Patong

My Relationship with Patong

As with the rest of this site, if you are bothered by a few strong opinions do not read any further, especially if you have some kind of emotional attachment to Patong.

I first visited Phuket in 1992 and loved it. What a wonderful place it was then - even Patong. Patong at that time looked nothing like it does today. All of the shops and accommodation were on the main beach road or along a few small sois that ran back away from the beach.

As a tourist resort it was still in its infancy. There were very few tourists and the tourists that were there were mainly independent travellers and backpackers. The raunchy nightlife was already in place and it was around this time that a lot of girls from Pattaya had started moving to Phuket.

Previously, in 1987, I had had a great time in Pattaya and went again briefly in 1992 to see how it had changed. It seemed like a totally different place compared to my first visit and all the fun had gone. I heard many times that everyone had moved to Phuket. Phuket had really started to establish itself and for the first time I started to hear it mentioned in the UK. People were mildly amused, thinking it was pronounced, "Fuckit." It's not and the standard transliteration isn't good either. It is pronounced, "Poo-get."

I went back again in 1996 and in the space of four years (coinciding with an economic boom time for Thailand) Phuket had gone crazy. Patong had already turned into the kind of place I wasn't interested in so I based myself at Kata which was a lot more to my liking. I had obtained my scuba diving certification by then so did a fair amount of diving.

My memory tells me I visited again soon after but actually it wasn't until the winter of 2001/2002. On that trip I had been to Singapore, had travelled around Australia a little and I travelled overland through Malaysia into Thailand.

Nothing about the trip up to that point was particularly remarkable but as soon as I got into Thailand I felt immediately at home. I stayed in Bangkok before going up to Chiang Mai and although I had a plane ticket to Phuket, my gut instinct was that I wouldn't enjoy it. I met a German couple in Chiang Mai who told me about Khaolak so as soon as I arrived at Phuket airport I travelled north to Khaolak instead of going to one of Phuket's beaches.

I liked the quietness and tranquility of Khaolak but fairly often I got bored and took the bus down to Phuket. One reason was to alleviate my boredom but I was also interested to see what had become of Phuket. Unfortunately what had happened wasn't pretty. As I wandered around the ugliness of Patong it was very sad.

I am of an age where I went to very pretty Greek islands in the 1970's and then went back later to see them ruined by the 'Ibiza' crowd. Greece got busier and went further downhill throughout the 80's (it doesn't take long for idyllic destinations to become completely ruined). In the 90's the package tourists started going to Florida where they were seduced by the 'American Dream' and Disneyworld. A little later the same fate befell Thailand and my worst nightmare was when Thailand started to appear on the package tourist map.

Thailand had always been (and is still) a special place for me. However, it was always inevitable that the crazy development we have seen take place would happen sooner or later. Many Thais have an unquenchable thirst for money and many foreigners with more money than taste have the means to visit exotic places for their vacations. In the mid-90's development took off and even today it is still accelerating.

It is still possible to visit beaches in Thailand that were like Patong when I first went there but Patong will never be the same again.

By the following winter (2002/2003) I had quit my job and I spent three months in Southeast Asia, spending most of that time in Khaolak. I made a number of daytrips to Phuket again during that time. At the end of 2003 I came to live in Thailand. Since that time I have never voluntarily gone to Phuket but I have been there quite a few times to meet friends and family. Whenever family or friends turn up in Thailand they normally head straight to Phuket so that is where I have to go to meet them.

On this page I will give some personal impressions from two trips. The first was in September 2005 and the second in March 2006.

I dislike Patong but I have a strange fascination with it. To live in a normal part of provincial Thailand and then to go to Patong is almost surreal. It wouldn't surprise me at all if some tourists think it is representative of Thailand and that the Thais there are representative of all Thais. That's a frightening thought.

The tourists that go there are also mildly fascinating. It's as if for some of them there is no finer place on earth, yet it is just a Thai beach resort. The only difference is that it is incredibly seedy in parts, there is a huge population of prostitutes, it is populated by some of the greediest Thais I have ever encountered and everything costs stupid prices. What does that say about people who love Patong? And some even choose to live there.

My fascination normally only lasts for about 24 hours though. Typically, when I first arrive I wander around hardly believing what I am seeing but by day two I am ready to go back to the real world.

Patong Beach

Yes, there is a beach - that's how it all got started - and it is actually a lot better than I had given it credit for previously. One of the problems with Patong is that there are so many sunbeds and people on the beach that it is difficult to see. However, a few early morning walks made me realise how good it actually is.

It is huge, the sand is quite a nice colour and there aren't rocks everywhere. As far as beaches are concerned it is quite ideal and its sheer size makes it an ideal location for a major resort; which Patong is.

The Thais are fully aware what a major asset this is so a small army of cleaners are employed to clean it every morning. They are all women and arrive every day to take away the debris from the previous day to leave the beach looking spotlessly clean again.

This was in stark contrast to the beach at Khanom in Nakhon Si Thammarat province which I had been to a couple of weeks before visiting Patong in March 2006. The beach at Khanom gets hardly any tourists so the Thais aren't fussed about keeping it clean, apart from directly in front of each hotel. It's a bit of a mess but I know where I would rather spend time ... and it isn't Patong.

On my March 2006 visit the sea at Patong looked pretty good as well. In the past there have been pollution problems. In typical Thai fashion the development steamed ahead with any forward thinking about improving the infrastructure.

Patong started to suffer from environmental problems such as pollution and water shortages. However, it looks as if the local authorities have started to get to grips with these problems, and not before time.

The sea on the Andaman coast is generally very nice. It tends to be blue and transparent and not grey and murky like the Gulf of Thailand. The sea around Phuket isn't anywhere near as nice as that around Phi Phi and the Similan Islands but it's not bad.

If you want peace and quiet I wouldn't suggest Patong. Every morning you see a procession of jet skis being taken down to the beach on trailers to be rented out. These things should be banned because they are so noisy and dangerous.

On my most recent trip a big race had been organised and on the beach was a huge stand for spectators and commentators whose commentary was blasted out over a powerful PA system. It was reminiscent of the Radio 1 roadshow from Blackpool, not a beach holiday in exotic Thailand, but this is unfortunately what Patong has turned into.

Money Grubbing

This starts immediately on arrival in Phuket. One of my failings (apart from being incredibly careful with my money) is knowing how much things should cost in Thailand. Most tourists don't and the Thais exploit this ignorance to the full.

I normally arrive at the bus station where a pack of tuk-tuk drivers wait for the buses to pull into the bus station. They run alongside the bus and wait as the passengers get off trying to get fares.

What they are after are Bt300 (or more) fares to the beaches. Local buses go to the beaches for Bt20. If you ask at the bus station they tell you there are no buses to the beach. There aren't from the bus station but there are plenty that go from the side of the market opposite the Thai Airways office.

It is about a 15 minute walk to the local buses and I walk sometimes but at other times I get a motorbike taxi. The motorbike taxi fare is Bt20 but they try to get more out of foreigners. I just keep asking until one gives me the local price and I speak in Thai which helps. It is better to walk out to the road rather than to talk to the guys at the bus station.

In Hat Yai the tuk-tuks are Bt20 a ride but not very long ago they were Bt10. The increase was due to high oil prices and the drivers have done pretty well. Tuk-tuk LPG fuel went up by about 20% but they increased fares by 100%.

In Phuket the minimum tuk-tuk fare appears to be Bt100 and to go any distance it is Bt300. It's no wonder that Thais from elsewhere in the country flock to Phuket for in Phuket the streets really are paved with gold.

Phuket's tuk-tuks are run by the local mob and a cartel system is in place. If tourists don't like the price they are given they can't go elsewhere because the prices are the same. This system is strongly enforced. It's a monopoly and it is totally wrong but what do you do?

I have tried arguing but they know that with so many idiots around there will always be tourists who are prepared to pay the high prices so they aren't bothered by a few stroppy individuals like me. I find myself doing quite a lot of walking in Phuket to get to the main roads in order to use local transport. The motorbike taxis are OK as well. They try it on but stop being silly if you speak to them in Thai.

I happened to meet my parents on one trip and we wandered around Thanon Bangla one evening. A couple of ladyboys homed in on my parents - who are both around 70 - suggesting they take photos. Had it been me I would have shoo'ed them away but my parents don't know Thailand and are a bit gullible. My folks took two photos and the ladyboys then started aggressively demanding money.

I went to give one of them Bt20 but he wouldn't take it, insisting that he and his friend wanted Bt100 each. Now, to put this into perspective, if you go to the provinces you will find that many people earn Bt6,000 a month or less. That is Bt200 a day. They work long hours every day of the week.

There are thousands of labourers in Thailand doing honest work, toiling in the midday sun for Bt150 to Bt250 a day. If they come from neighbouring countries, which many labourers in Thailand do, they will be earning even less.

These ladyboys wanted the average daily wage for the majority of honest Thais for allowing someone to take a photo of them and they spend all evening and night doing this. Tourists like my parents, who are old and naive, just hand the money over and because of this the cycle of greed is allowed to continue.

An honest waitress who has been serving a table of people all night will be happy with the Bt20 tip that most Thais normally leave - if they leave a tip at all - but these ladyboys considered the Bt20 I offered them an insult.

There are 'normal' Thai prices in Phuket but because of the huge amount of tourists there is always a big idiot tax. All tourists ever do is compare prices with what they are used to back home but Thailand isn't 'back home'. You hear them keep saying, "This is cheap," whereas actually what they are buying isn't cheap at all.

This is one of my major gripes with Phuket. I know I am getting ripped off but in certain situations I am powerless to do anything about it. You can't really blame the Thais. It is the fault of the naive tourists and it is their total ignorance of Thailand that annoys me.

Farang Types

What an assortment of humanity. The Germans still seem to dominate and there are lots of old Germans these days who are probably living off their generous state pensions. Germans love Thailand but it doesn't show on their faces. Most of them look stern the whole time and rarely smile.

Close proximity to a beach is of the utmost importance to them and they lie on their sunbeds all day going different shades of pink and red. The all-over tan effect is helped by how little clothing they wear on the beach. The men are still passionate about Speedo swimwear and many old German women expose far more flesh than is decent.

Scandinavians also love Thailand. With long, hard winters to endure and high salaries they can afford exotic winter breaks and they like the sun. Many come in families with lots of little blonde Svens and Helgas running around.

I have been exercising a degree of self-restraint so far by not mentioning the thriving prostitution scene in Patong but it continues unabated and many men are attracted to Patong because of the prostitutes. They vary quite a bit though.

There are the old gentlemen who presumably still have a sex drive but no one to unleash it on. They dress smartly with the waists of their trousers just below their chests and speak very politely. It looks kind of weird seeing them in a bar which is pumping out house music but that's where the girls are.

I've noticed that the girls home in on them very quickly and this is no big surprise. These guys are going to treat them well, not give them any trouble, and will probably be generous with their money while being very undemanding in the bedroom.

There are 'heaps' of Australians in Patong these days. They have all abandoned Bali and started travelling to Thailand because Thailand hasn't executed any Australian drug-smugglers yet. The Aussies are a mixed bunch. There are some really intelligent, cultured ones but lots of white trash as well.

One particular Aussie stereotype I see a lot of in Thailand is the macho, hard-drinking young male body builder type who insists on looking 'hard' the whole time and who dresses in tight T-shirts to accentuate the body building regime.

There are a number of 'Aussie bars' in Patong, presumably owned by expat Australians, which attract fellow countrymen by offering Tooheys and VB beer at the bar and Australian sport on the satellite TV. After all, it's no fun going abroad if you have to meet foreigners, is it?

The Brits are no better - in fact, they're a lot worse. If a Brit opens a bar in Thailand it has to be mock-Tudor or mock-Victorian and there has to be British food and beer offered. Outside, there is normally a list of forthcoming Premiership games so Brits can watch their favourite football teams while eating British food and drinking British beer. The prostitutes will be Thai, of course, so they can claim to have sampled some Thai culture.

Patong is a popular place for all-male groups who, at a guess, play cricket or rugby together. Drinking, whoring and acting like 18 year-olds is the name of the game yet some of them are three times that age and more. I grew out of my adolescence but some men never do.

There are lots of young lads who are still genuinely going through a late adolescence and their lives are all about alcohol. Ever since I started travelling to foreign countries I have met a lot of Swedes and young Swedish lads seem to be the worst. I can only think it is because alcohol is so expensive where they come from but perhaps the sudden exposure to daylight which they don't see for six months of the year also does something to their brains?

Many of them travel with attractive Swedish girls and because of their good looks could have the pick of local girls or other tourists but they just pour alcohol down their necks until they are unconscious. Strange.

Some young males drink all night and try to keep drinking as far into the next day as they can but at some stage their bodies can't take any more and they just collapse. This guy had collapsed on the beach and was totally out of it.

In the picture he is not sunbathing, he is unconscious and lying there with an already dehydrated body in the heat of the Thai midday sun will only make his condition a lot worse. People just walked around him staring unbelievingly. For all I know he could have been swept away by the tide later. I'm sure his Mum would be proud.

You may have noticed the stars-and-stripes bandana next to him which has come off his head. This brings me on to the next category of farang that I see in Thailand a lot, especially in places like Patong. The pirates. If Disney ever do another remake of Pirates of the Caribbean they needn't go further than Patong to do their casting.

First, there are the bandana wearers. Next up are the ones who shave their heads and this is quite popular with the balding guys. Maybe they believe that by shaving their heads other people think they aren't bald but this was a conscious decision? Wrong. Hasn't it occurred to them that parts of their head looked shave but most of their head is very shiny?

Ponytails are also popular with middle-aged men but because of the amount of time it takes to grow one they tend to be worn by expats rather than by once a year tourists. Throw in plenty of tattoos (and I have seen some guys in Patong with completely tattooed heads), some body piercings, and all that is missing are a few eye patches and parrots to complete the pirate look.

There are some desperately sad looking creatures in Patong; some of the ugliest men I have ever seen. When they appear in twos or small groups I can't help but imagine how their trip was planned. What flashes through my mind is them sitting in a pub where they live, drinking copious amounts of beer before eating Chinese takeaways on the way back to their drab, lonely, female-free homes.

They have not had any sexual contact for years and dream about the day they will. One of them has been to, or knows about, Patong and tells the others what can be had for the amount of money they have spent in the pub that night.

Eventually they realise their dream and land in Patong where some unfortunate Thai girl has the task of making that dream come true but for her it must be a nightmare.

The next type are mainly British. Throughout the 90's when I spent a lot of time watching football at Upton Park (and travelling to around half-a-dozen away games each year) there was an unwritten law on the terraces. While in a football environment it was obligatory to use at least one expletive in every sentence.

People on the terraces who shouted something without using an expletive attracted strange stares because, well, they just sounded out of place. "Referee, I don't think he was offside," doesn't quite have the same ring as, "You f*ck*ng blind c*nt," at a football match.

Once the game had ended and we were travelling back home in the car it was OK to revert to normal speech.

Sometimes, while in Patong in the evenings, my mind starts to wander and I suddenly wake up with a start, thinking I am back in the Chicken Run. It's because the language of the terraces is back and it is no surprise that the favoured article of clothing with many English tourists to Patong is the replica football jersey. Training shoes and England shirts are the order of the day with this crowd.

To my ears it sounds really horrible. Because of how I live my life in Thailand I don't get to hear English much these days but when I get the chance it is often nice to be able to express myself in my native language. When I hear these foul-mouthed morons though I wish that I were Thai.

And their analyses of the Thai bar girls are something that Desmond Morris or any other leading anthropologist would be proud of. "Ah ain't f*ck*ng naive buht these f*ck*ng girls are f*ck*ng great at getting yer' money. We'd only been back in the room five minutes when she was washing me f*ck*ng nob. Whaddya f*ck*ng do?"

What can I say? Sometimes I just feel so proud of my fellow countrymen. It is no surprise then that I have absolutely no desire to return to the UK.

As I said above, it seems that some single, male foreigners think Patong is the greatest place on earth and their ultimate goal is to live there. Yes, it's true. Rather than being ashamed or embarrassed, they are actually proud of the fact and want all tourists to realise they live their permanently. Very sad.

They employ various methods to advertise the fact but a popular one seems to be dog ownership. They stroll around with their dogs on leads to tell the world they aren't tourists because they own a dog. I find it all quite pathetic.

And what's with the farang tourist police volunteers that have appeared in Thanon Bangla in the evenings? They stand there looking very officious in their uniforms but with very little to do. What's the point? Does this make them feel better about the sordid lifestyles they came to lead in Patong or do they think it gives them some legitimacy after choosing to live in a place where a big factor in their decision was the ease at which they could get easy sex?

I felt the same way after the tsunami when the sex tourists started trying to act like international aid workers and heroes. They don't fool anyone.

Farangs living in Thailand tend to be quite arrogant about their knowledge of the country and there is a lot of oneupmanship. Dog ownership is one thing; car ownership is another. Farangs driving cars always make a point of staring at me, waiting for me to spot them so I am aware they have a car. Tossers.

Big deal. Am I supposed to be impressed or something? I guess I am guilty of some of the same things but I try to rise above other foreigners by learning about the culture and language of Thailand, not by buying a dog or a car.

On all of my trips to Phuket I have never heard any foreigners speaking Thai although I realise that they exist somewhere. Speaking Thai to Thais still comes as something as a shock despite the millions of farangs they see each year. It's the weirdest thing.

If a foreigner went to England, stayed there for many years and claimed to be an expert on England and English culture yet couldn't speak, read or write English, what would you think?

Days and Nights in Patong (as different as, mmm, night and day)

Dressed in the same clothes she wore at the bar last night, a Thai prostitute returns to her room to sleep, having spent the night in a tourist's hotel room. This is a fairly common sight in Patong in the mornings.

Mornings in Patong aren't too unpleasant. It is strangely surreal though if you are used to living in Thailand. Mornings in Thailand are busy affairs; in fact, they are quite frenetic. Life is centred around the markets and these open early - very early.

In Patong there is hardly anything happening in the morning. The beach is quite busy as it is cleaned and a million sunbeds are set up but around the shops and restaurants there is very little activity. The bar areas are cleaned up and they really need it. In the light of day it is plain to see how filthy they are and the stench of beer and cigarettes from the night before is disgusting.

While the bars are being swept up a some are open for business and even at 08:30am there are farangs sitting on bar stools drinking again. I also spotted a number who had been up drinking all night apparently. A couple came into Subway while I was eating my breakfast, speaking Swedish to each other and very slurred English to the staff. One was a bandana wearer. It wasn't a pleasant sight and I was pleased that a local cop was also there.

I spoke to the staff after they had gone. They had been talking among themselves about the sight they had just seen. From what they told me - and their reaction to what had gone on - it seems to be something they are now quite familiar with but which they definitely don't like or approve of. In other parts of this site I have tried to emphasise how conservative 'normal' Thais are but because of what goes on in Patong at night I don't think that many people realise, or believe, this.

Night time in Patong is completely different and it is a zoo. The centre of the action is around Thanon Bangla which gets closed off to traffic at night. On the street are ladyboys all dressed up trying to extort money out of tourists for taking their photos.

On one side of the street are small individual bars and on the other are large bar areas containing lots of bars. They look OK at night but some good lighting would reveal they are actually filthy. One bar was actually having some construction work done but was still open.

As the builders mixed up cement on one side, about five or six bar girls sat on their stools on the other side waiting for business. What a weird sight. In between the bars are shops, many selling fake goods. Thailand is trying to sign Free Trade Agreements with the whole world and no doubt these agreements state that the country will clamp down on piracy but what is written down in Thai law and what actually goes on are completely different.

The bars have bar girls who aren't paid a salary. The girls need to find punters in order to make money. The punters buy beer and the bar makes a little money. The punter buys the girl a 'lady drink' and she and the bar make a little money.

If the man wants the girl to go with him he pays the bar to release her 'a bar fine' so the bar makes a bit more and then she makes her bread and butter by selling her body to the man. The girls need to attract men and they use different methods.

Some are quiet and tend to attract quiet men. Some are outrageous and will flash their tits and grab men as they walk past. My private parts were grabbed as I walked to the toilet. Some girls get up on the bar and dance.

Just 48 hours before writing this I was sitting just underneath a girl dancing on a bar. It wasn't really dancing; she just gyrated around at a gentle pace. She was wearing a tiny white skirt with nothing underneath and as I looked up there was very little left to the imagination.

Another girl had a little bag of props with which to do magic tricks and she was good. I and another couple of guys were watching her and she did amazing tricks right in front of our eyes with playing cards and handkerchiefs. These weren't the tricks performed in Patpong using ping-pong balls and Coke bottles.

Most of the girls are from Isaan. On the first trip I am describing on this page every girl I asked was from Isaan. I am very interested these days where Thais originate from so that is one of the first questions I ask them. You can't stereotype all people from the same region but there are some significant trends.

Southern Thailand has big centres of prostitution but there are very few southern Thai girls. I did meet one however on my March 2006 trip from Hat Yai. She was a quiet girl and actually quite pleasant. She didn't speak much English but we spoke Thai and talked about Hat Yai.

Her father had died and her mother was raising her seven year-old daughter. She was working there to support them and sent money home but she missed her mother and daughter. It's an oft-repeated story and quite sad.

I had no intention of renting her for the night and after talking for a while I told her this. She said it wasn't a problem but I didn't want to prevent her from working and it should be remembered that all of these girls are working. I bought her a drink and left.

Purely for research purposes (yes, really) I asked her about her rates. I just think that while living in Thailand I should know about these things. Where she worked the bar fine was Bt300 and she wanted Bt2,000 per assignation.

The Go-Go scene is something I haven't witnessed for many years but on my March 2006 trip we went along. It still seems to be thriving. We stayed for a while but the music was so loud it was vibrating my internal organs.

The Go-Go girls have some of the most amazing bodies I have ever seen but what is perhaps strange is that in the environment in which they work it does nothing for me. They have to have great bodies because everything is so visible and they wear so little. Many of the bar girls have far from perfect bodies but cover up their fat bellies with clothes.

The only thing that vaguely excited me was a routine that involved about five girls with traditional Thai headwear, barefoot, kind of doing traditional Thai dancing to a pop song about Thailand. They cocked their wrists back and extended their fingers and thumbs in the traditional Thai style and it looked good. I thought it was far more sexier than seeing them in bikinis rubbing around their poles.

I didn't stay long but left my brother and his girlfriend out while I went home. On the way back there were lots of street hookers (and a few ladyboys) trying to find a punter to spend the night with. Even if I had been interested - which I definitely wasn't - I was sharing an apartment with my parents and doubt they would have been very impressed finding a hooker the next morning.

Thais in Patong

Again, there are all sorts. Many of the locals (and many of these are Thai Muslims) still carry on life as they have always done using the sea as a source of income. You can see them fishing and then selling their freshly caught fish on the roadside.

What I have started to realise since I have become more familiar with the Thai language is that many Thais working in Patong are quite high-class. On my September 2005 trip staying at the Salathai Resort I spent a lot of time chatting and joking with the staff who were all southern Thais from places like Trang, Krabi and Nakhon Si Thammarat.

Because of the silly amounts of money that tourists throw around, salaries are high in Phuket and it is also a good place for educated Thais to get lots of practical experience with English. Some very well-bred Thais I have met have spent time in Patong for this very reason.

They have incredible tolerance. These are thoroughly decent, well brought-up girls who speak very well. At the Salathai I think that the group I was staying with were the only ones who didn't have prostitutes with us. It seemed that every guest was a foreign male with a prostitute companion and the hotel staff have to treat these girls as they would any guest.

Opposite the hotel were a few bars with bar girls and in the evening they would call across to and wave at us single males staying there. The hotel staff will not say a word or doing anything untoward. They treat all guests with respect but if you can speak enough Thai to gain their confidence and elicit a few opinions you will find there is a lot of hidden disapproval. Don't be fooled by outward appearances.

As I said, most (but not all) of the prostitutes working in Phuket are from Isaan but I was also surprised at how many Isaan males there were. Many motorcycle taxi drivers were from Isaan. They are a hard working bunch of people, the north-easterners, and they just get on with work.

Many southern Thais think they are above certain occupations but the north-easterners are happy to get stuck in and do whatever is necessary. Their morality may be questionable at times but their work ethic certainly isn't and Thailand wouldn't be the same place without them.

Annoyances

My brother spotted a great T-shirt among the thousands for sale in the shops of Patong. It said, "No, I don't want a f*ck*ng tuk-tuk, suit or massage." Indians working in tailor shops are worse than wasps at a September picnic in England.

I am normally OK at first but after the tenth time a smarmy Indian steps in front of me with his hand outstretched to shake hands and a false smile on his face, I start to lose it. "Oh, good evening Sir, where are you from Sir?"

Getting suits made by Indians in Thailand is something that the Germans and Scandinavians thrive on but the Brits seem to have more taste sartorially. None of the clothes I have seen look particularly good and I don't believe the quality of the workmanship or materials is very good.

The big selling point is that the clothes are bespoke and people convince themselves this is a good thing but I prefer good off-the-shelf clothes so I can see the finished article straight away. As far as I am concerned, this whole industry is a huge con.

I don't care who it is they claim to have made clothes for - no matter how well-known that person is - or the fact they will collect me from my hotel room to take me to their shop. The chances of me buying a suit from an Indian tailor are about the same as me falling for a Patong bar girl.

Patong and its upmarket aspirations

I have heard a lot in recent years about Patong trying to lose its sleazy image and go more upmarket. I don't think this is purely about morality and image. The driving force in Thailand is money and upmarket establishments catering to rich foreigners can demand upmarket prices.

It is definitely happening and is most noticeable at either end of Patong beach. In March 2006 I stayed at the Kalim Bay Residence in Kalim Bay (at the northern end of Patong) and there are some very fancy places in that area. The southern end of the beach also has apartments and hotels built to European quality with European prices.

The central section is still a mess but I guess that eventually it will change. I have mixed feelings about the sex scene in Patong. Some aspects are really sad and sordid and it attracts some of the lowest forms of male life on the planet. There is no doubt though that it creates a bit of a carnival atmosphere.

Every night there are ladyboys dressed up like showgirls strutting their stuff and lots of activity on the street. Cleaning it up too much runs the risk of creating a very sterile atmosphere which in turn wouldn't be much fun.

Ongoing development

Development just never stops in Phuket and it is hardly surprising. Thailand is a country where 80% of the population earn less than Bt10,000 a month and a significant proportion of that 80% earn significantly less than Bt10,000 a month.

The majority of Thais don't get the opportunities in life to make money that foreigners get. If they decide to open a business serving Thais, their customers won't have a lot of money to spend and Thais have very firm ideas about what things should cost in Thailand.

A tuk-tuk driver in Thailand trying to charge passengers Bt300 per trip wouldn't be in business very long and neither would a small restaurant owner who tried to sell fried rice for Bt100. Thais in Thailand would think it lunacy to try to charge such high prices because there wouldn't be any customers.

But in Phuket it is different. Millions of farangs arrive each year who don't have a clue and hand over whatever they are asked for. They pay three or four times what something should cost, do a quick calculation in their heads to see what the cost is in their own currency, and then say it is cheap!

The situation has got so stupid in Phuket that there is no need any longer to charge appropriate prices because the idiots already give away so much money. It doesn't matter if you are a farang in the know or even a Thai, you have to pay the stupid price or go without.

To rural Thais, Phuket is just like Dick Whittington's London where the streets are paved with gold. The flock their in their droves for a slice of the pie and developers continue to build as if it was going out of fashion.

With the emphasis on attracting rich foreigners, everything is built to cater for them but what is happening is that the 'Thainess' of Phuket is disappearing. Some of the hotels and apartment buildings are very nice, and I was extremely impressed with the new Central Festival department store (pictured above) from an architectural standpoint, but these buildings could be anywhere in the world.

In March 2006 a proper pavement was being constructed along the beach and I expect it will be very nice when it is finished but during my visit it was still a mess. Walking back to my room one night after some heavy rain was a disaster as everything was just mud.

Thais aren't big on walking so don't bother much with pedestrian facilities. Farangs do like to walk though so I'm not sure why it has taken so long to do this?

Good things about Patong

I can alter my mindset and way of thinking in Thailand but I can't alter my stomach. I love Thai food but I can't live on it all the time. I need ahaan farang and where there are lots of farangs there is good foreign food. Patong is no exception.

Pizza restaurants know how to make pizza, and breakfast places know what bread, sausages and bacon should taste like. Patong has Subway franchises and I wish more provincial Thai towns had them. I love their sandwiches and don't mind that a six-inch sandwich costs the same as 10 plates of khao muuk gai (chicken on yellow rice) which I often eat for lunch where I work.

There are other benefits where lots of farangs congregate and one of them is good bookshops. In the Thai provinces there isn't much of an English language book selection but this isn't so in Bangkok and Phuket. The bookshop I like in Patong is actually in Thanon Bangla - home of a thousand bar girls every evening. It is located at the beach end of the road and has some excellent titles but first you have to get past all the boring, cliched rubbish about sexpat encounters with Isaan prostitutes.

The other thing I like about Patong, and places like it, is that these places do a good job of containing farangs. They get sent to a limited number of destinations by their travel agencies or they just head to well-known spots blindly because they know nothing about Thailand.

To avoid them I just avoid going to Phuket, Samui, Pattaya, etc. The spots that are currently farang-free will get developed eventually but I predict that for the next 30 years there will always be places to go in Thailand that remain relatively unspoilt.