Thailand

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Random Thoughts
Rambutan, one of the tropical fruits found abundantly in Thailand
Photo: Rambutan, one of the tropical fruits found abundantly in Thailand

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Thailand - Random Thoughts Page 3

Fake Goods and Piracy

Copying and producing counterfeit goods is still a huge business in Thailand. I am reminded of that every time I walk around the local markets. This business exists everywhere but what seems to be different in Thailand is how openly it is treated. It's not like Oxford Street in London where one guy sells fake goods from a suitcase while his mate keeps an eye out for the police. In Thailand the stalls where fake goods are sold are in permanent locations.

The authorities know it is illegal, everyone knows exactly where the business is being carried out, but no one does anything. Like many activities in Thailand that are unlawful, for example prostitution and teaching English without a work permit, a blind eye is turned. Thaksin was trying to push through a controversial Free Trade Agreement (FTA) with the USA (which will completely stuff Thailand but that's another story) and no doubt the Americans will be looking to Thailand to curb the piracy trade as part of that agreement.

On their way to becoming developed countries, Singapore had to close down the piracy trade and Malaysia is having to do the same thing although of course it still exists to some extent as it does in every country on the planet.

Mr Bean won't be earning any royalties for DVDs sold here - Click for larger image At my local market there are several stalls selling copied CDs, VCDs, DVDs and computer software. Another favourite is hundreds of songs ripped to MP3 format and then burned to CD. And then there are the fake clothes, watches, luggage and handbags, etc., which can be found everywhere in Thailand.

I'd be lying if I said I had never bought any fake goods. Genuine CDs are cheap in Thailand and I buy them when I can but the choice is very limited. The guys selling the copies often have a much better choice.

Fake software is becoming more difficult for the pirates because of manufacturers' activation codes although the pirates sometimes provides hacks with their copied software to bypass the activation process.

No one tries to pretend that fake clothes, watches and luggage are the real thing. If the items have any writing on there are normally spelling mistakes everywhere and the quality is obviously below par. However, if you are the kind of person who believes people think better of you for wearing a Rolex watch or carrying a Louis Vuitton handbag but can't afford the real thing, then Thailand could be the place for you.

There is a more sinister side to the counterfeiting business in Thailand. Bangkok is the international passport forgery capital of the world and there are regular busts. With global terrorism these days, forged passports getting into the hands of dangerous people is not something to take lightly.

All manner of counterfeit degrees and diplomas are available in Bangkok, so I hear, but use them at your own peril. Depending on what you attempt to use a fake qualification for, it may actually be considered a crime and you could find yourself being prosecuted.

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Fear of Ghosts

I've mentioned this elsewhere in passing but it deserves special mention. The Thais have a terrible, and very real, fear of ghosts. It's most amusing!

I bumped into one of the secretaries at work at the cafeteria where I normally eat lunch. We ate together and she was keen to join me after lunch. My usual routine is to grab some fresh fruit after I've eaten and find a quiet table in the university campus with some trees for shade. It's a nice campus to sit with a snack and getting big smiles from some of the female students isn't unpleasant either.

There seemed to be a slight problem though and the conversation went something like this:

Saay: "So, what are you going to do now?"
Me: "I'm going to buy some fruit."
Saay: "And take it back to the faculty building?"
Me: "No, eat it outside."
Saay: "Where?"
Me: "Over there."
Saay: "What, over there by that building?"
Me: "Yes."
Saay: "OK, I need to see a friend. I'll meet you here in 15 minutes after you've finished your fruit."

We did just that. I ate my fruit while she disappeared and then we met up again later. It was all very strange and I was intrigued so later I questioned her. It turns out that she used to attend the university as a student and the building I was sitting outside used to be a hospital.

To a Thai, this means that people must have died there and this, in turn, means there must now be lots of ghosts around. This is what she was afraid of and the reason why she wouldn't sit with me. She is not a rural, rice-farmer's daughter either; she's a clever girl.

Probably the first time I picked up on this fear was during my early days with Iss. One time we were walking back from a restaurant in the dark and I decided to take a diversion. We walked behind a temple where there was just a large Buddha image and trees.

The wind was rustling the leaves and I began to feel Iss clinging very tightly to my arm. I then noticed a terrified look on her face. This again was about ghosts.

Probably the most visible example came after the December 2004 tsunami when the world was focused on the Andaman coastline and other tsunami-affected areas. There was a big problem with the Thais after the event; not so much dealing with all the death and destruction but going back to their homes where there were now thousands of ghosts.

I have visited some excellent museums in Thailand on weekends and I have been the only visitor. I thought this a little strange until someone told me the reason (again) was ghosts. Museums contain lots of old artefacts which once belonged to people who are now dead but obviously the ghosts of the deceased stay where their belongings are housed. Obviously.

Next time you are with a Thai girl at night in a remote place with no other people around, sing peeeee very softly under your breath and wait for the reaction. So funny.

Festivals

Thai shop assistant wearing a Santa hat - Click for larger image The Thais love any excuse for a party and they don't really care what's being celebrated. Christmas is weird. Do the majority of Thais know what is actually being celebrated at Christmas, or 'Merry Christmas', as they call it? Probably not but it doesn't matter. It's an opportunity to put up fancy decorations and flashing lights and they can download 'Jingle Bells' ring tones to their mobile phones (which can be still be heard months later). Seeing Buddhist shop assistants who have been made to wear Santa hats is almost surreal but they seem to enjoy it.

At the start of the year four 'New Year' festivals are celebrated. Things kick off with the Christian New Year followed by the Chinese and Muslim New Year celebrations and the party finally ends in April with Songkran, the Thai New Year.

The biggest and most publicly celebrated Thai holidays are Songkran and Loi Krathong.

The Thai New Year festival; better known as Songkran - Click for larger image Songkran: Held in April, this used to be a very gentle affair. Thais bathed Buddha images and gently sprinkled water on to the hands of their elders as a sign of respect. At some stage (and some blame American servicemen when thousands were in Thailand during the Vietnam war) all hell broke loose. It can now be described as 'Aquatic Anarchy'.

Groups of Thais set themselves up at the roadside with all manner of water armaments. The high-powered water pistols which started to appear some years ago are popular but old-fashioned buckets and jugs still have a place.

Others pile on to the back of pickup trucks which have huge containers of water (often packed with ice) and cruise the streets. The objective is to soak as many people as possible, whether they want to get wet or not. Farangs stand out as obvious targets. In addition to soaking strangers it is customary to smear white paste over them.

To their credit, the behaviour of most Thais is not as violent as it could be. In general the Thais are a gentle race. Such an event in other countries would lead to riots in the street). I have even seen tourists carrying unprotected cameras around during Songkran but that's a risk I wouldn't take with a digital SLR. When I take photos during Songkran I use the same equipment I take when I go scuba diving.

Before my first Songkran I was genuinely worried and didn't leave my room until well after noon. I had heard stories of people adding acid and other nasty substances to the water. I was also told that men used the free-for-all atmosphere of Songkran as an excuse to grope girls.

It wasn't actually that bad. Some people refrained from throwing water at me when they saw me carrying a camera even though it was in an underwater housing. Others didn't, mind you. It turned out to be quite good fun but you have to get involved. I climbed aboard a pickup truck, was given my own water weapon and joined in with the mayhem.

If you just want to spectate, do it from your room because spectating on the streets isn't an option. If you go out you WILL get wet. Make sure you have nothing on you that will be damaged by water. Buy a cheap Songkran shirt from a street vendor to save any good clothing getting damaged. These are the outrageous flowery-designed shirts that Thais wear only for Songkran but Germans wear all year round.

In most places the festival lasts one day but the exception is Chiang Mai, home to Thailand's biggest Songkran festival, where it runs for several days. Unfortunately, the already unacceptable road death rate in Thailand goes even higher at Songkran due to lots of drunk drivers, slippery roads and motorcyclists being drenched at every opportunity.

Loi Krathong is a very peaceful festival compared to Songkran (thankfully) - Click for larger image Loi Krathong: Held in November on a day determined by the phase of the full moon, this is a pleasant Thai festival that shouldn't worry anyone. Small vessels made from banana leaves, known as krathongs, are floated in expanses of water. They can be bought easily from vendors present at every place celebrating the festival.

Before floating your krathong you should cut small pieces of your fingernail and hair and put them inside along with a coin, normally Bt1. On the krathong are candles and incense sticks which are lit before it sets sail. Offer a prayer to the krathong as it floats away and hopefully it will take all your bad luck with it.

A devotee demonstrating his devotion to the faith at the annual Chinese vegetarian festival - Click for larger image Chinese Vegetarian Festival: Vegetarian festivals occur where there are large Chinese populations in Thailand and that includes just about everywhere. The biggest and most well-known is in Phuket but the one in Hat Yai (where this photo was taken) is also pretty big.

Calendar dates vary from year to year as it falls on a lunar calendar date but roughly around late September early or October. The festival lasts for nine or ten days. It's about eating veggie food but what people really want to see is the self-mutilation of devotees. In this respect it is very similar to the Hindu Thaipusam festival which I have witnessed a couple of times in Singapore.

For more photos of the 2005 Vegetarian Festival in Hat Yai see my Hat Yai Activities page.

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Thailand Thailand

Football

Thai football fans support either Liverpool or Manchester United but try getting them to show you where those places are on a map - Click for larger image The Thais are pretty good footballers, probably the best in Asia, but beware of getting involved in conversations about English football unless you are having difficulty getting to sleep. There is only one other place I know of where the locals are even more boring when they talk football and that is Singapore.

When I first came to Thailand in 1987, Liverpool FC were the dominant force in English football and every Thai was a Liverpool fan. They then moved their support over to Manchester United, then Arsenal and, no doubt, next year they will all be Chelsea fans. However, a few still cling on to the belief they are fans of the Red Devils.

Whenever I get asked which team I support by a Thai my answer always results in a blank stare. West who? No, West Ham. Who are they then?

It is common knowledge that most Manchester United 'fans' don't know where Manchester is on a map of England. Some don't even know which 'State' it is in. If you're not sure what I mean, click on the thumbnail image.

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Gambling

At an apartment building I stayed at there was a Thai resident with an obvious penchant for fast motorbikes. His bikes changed every week but they were always the top road bikes from the big Japanese manufacturers - and always brand new. I'm not a huge bike fan but from an engineering perspective they were works of art.

I assumed he worked for a motorbike dealership somewhere. One of my neighbours in England worked for the local BMW dealership and drove different BMW cars all the time so I suspected something similar. Not for the first time in my life, I was wrong.

I got chatting to another Thai guy one day who is a local businessman and knows this guy well. He didn't work for a motorbike dealership at all; he ran a gambling operation. I also learnt that a new BMW car parked in the car park belonged to him and the reason for these purchases was that he couldn't keep too much money in the bank.

Gambling in Thailand is like prostitution. Both are illegal under Thai law but both are massive industries. Many tea shops (raan naam chaa) have gambling operations. European football is a big favourite and quite often as you are walking around you will see the results chalked up outside small cafes.

The guy who told me about all this also pointed out a house where poker games are held every night. He said there is a security guard that stands outside and the location moves every month. His friend with the fast motorbikes operates his business through a web site and mobile phone but he changes his number every month.

He went on to say that five years ago no one worried about the police. The cops received bribes and turned a blind eye. However, it is different these days and the police do attempt to catch them. The gambling operations keep moving around making it difficult for the police to trace them.

Being 'unusually rich' is a sure sign of some kind of illegal activity (as Thai Rak Thai politicians will tell you) and bank accounts can be investigated so they avoid having lots of money in the bank.

With football matches, it is either a case of predicting results and scores or there is another game where you can choose three or four teams and if all the teams you choose win then you get a payout. The Thais - like most Asians - will bet on anything though.

Cockfighting is still popular, bullfighting is popular in the south and Thai boxing is big all over Thailand. For most Thais, the attraction of these activities and most other sports is not the activity itself but the gambling aspect.

I was also told about another guy who ran a gambling syndicate for three years. In that time he made Bt10 million with which he bought three houses and a lot of land. It seems he had the sense to get out and is probably set up for life now with the money he made in that time. Who says crime doesn't pay?

In Thailand I see a lot of people who don't exactly look like respectable businessmen but who obviously have plenty of cash. I used to think they were involved with politics - and perhaps some are - but now I am beginning to understand more about how big money can be made in Thailand.

As far as I am aware, the only legal gambling operation is the national lottery but that has been subject to corruption and some of the people I've been told about involved in the corruption are not those you would expect to be involved.

It's another one of those things about Thailand I don't like and it's something that isn't obviously apparent when visiting as a tourist but the longer you stay here the more you hear about unsavoury aspects of the country.

I don't believe it is right for governments to encourage gambling and disagree with countries opening huge casinos but people will always gamble anyway so governments may as well legalise it so it can be controlled and they can get some revenue in the form of tax.

The problem for Thailand is that there is a big conflict with gambling and Buddhism which makes gambling a difficult thing to legalise so it is set to continue in its current, underground state.

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Groundhog Day

A reference to the 1993 film where the character played by Bill Murray is woken by his alarm clock radio at the same time each morning to the same tune playing on the radio ("I got you babe," by Sonny and Cher) and discovers that today is exactly the same as yesterday.

At the local Tesco Lotus there is a small stall selling educational material for young Thai kids to help them read and write Thai. Part of this material is a Sesame Street style video with cartoon characters and a catchy tune to help kids remember Thai consonants. When I first saw it I even considered buying it for myself to help with my Thai studies. I'm glad I didn't.

Every time I go to Tesco Lotus, no matter what day of the week or what hour of the day, the video is playing. I have heard that stupid tune so many times I can't get it out of my head now. You would think that the people working there would be going nuts and that one day - driven to distraction - the lady selling kanom kai would come in with a handgun and unload it into the TV. But no.

The Thais seem to have a remarkable ability to cope with boredom and repetition. On my walk to work, or whenever I go anywhere, I always see exactly the same people in exactly the same places doing exactly the same mundane things. Yet, they seem perfectly content.

This isn't a bad thing. I get bored very quickly with activities, work and even people. It doesn't matter how interesting something (or somebody) seems at first, I find that I need something (or somebody) new after a while.

For this reason, Thai girlfriends can be very easy to keep happy. On dates you aren't expected to keep them entertained constantly because they don't get bored (unlike their farang counterparts). Being content with the life you have is a good way to find happiness and constantly looking for new experiences can lead to unhappiness.

So, it's a good thing and we can learn from the Thais to try to be more content with what we have but .... there is a tendency for life in the provinces to get a wee bit tedious after a while. I specifically mentioned the provinces because I can't ever imagine finding life in Bangkok tedious. Crazy and frenetic maybe, but never tedious.

You could say that it's the same everywhere and, to an extent, I agree. In all countries there are people that do mundane tasks day in and day out. Because of higher salaries though, people from other countries can at least afford to have a complete break from the boredom. In Thailand, many lower paid people can't.

The people I see working in the local restaurants near me, for example, such as the girl who serves noodle soup all day, are there every single day of the year and never seem to get a break.

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Haircuts

Let's start with the good stuff. In the UK having my hair washed before getting it cut was downright painful at times. Sitting in a normal chair I'd have to lean back over a sink which hurt my neck as some young, spotty school girl with a Saturday job asked me if the water was OK. My normal reply was yes but it's a bit wet and they could never work that one out.

Contrast this with Thailand. The hair washing part is the best bit. No more uncomfortable chairs and sinks. They have beds, not chairs and get you to lie back as some young Thai lovely gives you a complete 20 minute head massage. She shampoos and rinses three or four times giving the scalp a reinvigorating rub. It's bliss and usually sends me to sleep.

Now the not so good stuff - the actual hair cut. First (for most foreigners) there is the communication problem. I can speak a little Thai but still have problems getting my hair cut. Next is the issue of competence. Some are better than others and some just seem outright scared.

The girl in England who cuts my hair is great. She dives in and attacks my hair with great skill and I am always pleased with the results. Some hair dressers in Thailand who have been scared just keep pulling up clumps of hair in a random fashion and cutting a millimetre at a time. It gets frustrating and tedious in the end. It is probably how I would attempt doing a hair cut if I had to do one without ever having to cut hair again.

After the cut there is more good news as they send you back to get your hair washed again. This time though it's normally only one shampoo and rinse. In some places the hair cutter will blow dry hair but in other places this task is left to a junior. The hair cutters just cut and lesser employees do the washing and blow drying.

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Homosexuality

Last updated: 21st December 2006

Bar boy working at a gay bar in Bangkok's Patpong area - Click for larger image When I started teaching in Thailand it became apparent straight away that there were far more female students. With all the students I have taught, the ratio of female to male has been about 8 to 2, or even higher. The one exception was the all-boys school I taught at for a month but that experience was such a nightmare I am trying to erase it complete from my memory.

Some of the girls I have taught have been real stunners and some of the flirting in class has been outrageous. I wasn't sure at first if this would lead to something but it never did. What I didn't realise early on was that flirting in Thailand is normal but because of the extreme conservative attitudes, nothing ever happens.

The first person to actually 'hit' on me wasn't one of my female students at the university but a male lecturer. Our meetings were always by chance, apparently, but actually I think he had been following me.

The thing is, he is actually a very nice guy and one of the most intelligent Thais I have ever met. He studied in Europe for a long time and speaks several languages. He was never taught English formally but is one of the few Thais I have been able to have a proper conversation in English with.

A friendship developed and although I had my suspicions about him it took him a while to admit his sexuality. It was a sad story. Something else I didn't realise was just how much stigma is attached to homosexuality in Thailand.

I didn't realise because a) The Thais seem to be incredibly tolerant about absolutely everything and b) You see ladyboys prancing around everywhere you go. With all this going on quite openly, how could homosexuality be stigmatised?

What seems to be the case is that if a boy wants to be a girl, that isn't no problem. It's still not the best day of a Thai father's life when his son appears in a dress and high heels but there is a lot of acceptance in Thai society. It's actually more than acceptance. No Thai TV soap opera would be complete without an OTT gatoey in the cast.

Seems like a nice boy - Click for larger image The problem in Thailand is for men who wish to remain as men but who are attracted to other men. From what I have read, the average figure across countries for gay men seems to be about 3% so in Thailand that would mean getting close to two million men.

This guy opened up to me on one occasion and told me how he has to keep his feelings very secret. He cannot tell anyone and has to live a lie. What is a bit strange is how no one seems to have guessed. He's in his 40's and not short of money. Thai men are normally married by then, especially if they have money.

His personality is what can only be described as 'gay' and he definitely comes across as being a bit different from other Thai men but nonetheless, other Thais still don't suspect. He told me that he gets regular marriage offers from single women but has to lie to them by telling them he doesn't want to get married yet.

He told me there are 'thousands' of gay men in Thailand who are married with families. If men have respectable jobs, Thai society demands they are married to respectable women. Thailand is such a conservative country that respectability counts for a lot.

The gay married men put on a respectable front to the rest of the world with their wives and families but make secret liaisons with other gay men to fulfil their sexual and emotional needs. It's a hidden world.

It's sad because this is how people are born and it's not a 'lifestyle' choice we can make. I can't suddenly decide to stop being attracted to girls and start to fancy big, hairy blokes. I feel genuinely sorry for this man and I still regard him as a friend.

The situation he is in obviously makes him very unhappy. He told me he has a plan to start a business in Pattaya. As far as I am concerned, Pattaya is at the very bottom of the list of places in which I would choose to live in Thailand, but for him it's a place that gives him a better chance of finding happiness by meeting a gay farang.

Whenever I am in one of the tourist ghettos in Thailand I see farang men with young Thai rent boys but I have never seen two openly gay Thai men together.

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How to create a panic at a Thai restaurant

The background to this story starts with the fact that I have a roving eye for pretty, young Thai girls. I don't hide the fact, even from my girlfriend. The Thais love looking at beautiful things and especially beautiful girls, and so do I. When I stop looking will be the time to start worrying.

Most of the girls that I find attractive are probably about half my age and the Thai have a name for lecherous old buggers like me. The term is 'snake head' or hua ngu in Thai. The whole thing has become a bit of a joke between me, my girlfriend and some other female friends. If they catch me looking at a girl, it's not me who is looking, it's the snake on my head.

While out shopping one day I saw some toy snakes at an OTOP stall. They weren't rubber but were made of material and filled with the same kind of beans you find in beanbags. I bought one as a joke and took it out to a restaurant one evening where I was dining with two female friends.

The plan, just for a cheap laugh, was to put the snake on my head when they weren't looking and then to see what their reaction was. I took it from my pocket and put it on the chair next to me.

As I was waiting I felt a stinging sensation on my back. We were eating outside and the tree above us was dropping big seeds - roughly acorn sized pods - from about 30 feet. My immediate reaction was to look up to see where it had come from and then to look down to see what had hit me.

My sudden jerky movement attracted the attention of everyone around me, including two waitresses serving at the next table. Their gaze followed mine and as I looked down so did they. I had temporarily forgotten about the toy snake but when they saw it they must have thought this was what dropped on me.

They then started screaming, "Snake," and ran to the other side of the restaurant looking quite terrified. I tried but I couldn't conceal my amusement for very long. I picked up the snake - which looked quite real in the low light - and started stroking it.

I could have acted the whole thing out for the same reaction but the acorn thing dropping on my back was completely spontaneous and it worked far better than what I had planned.

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Karaoke

Karaoke is a big favourite with the Thais - Click for larger image One purpose of Karaoke in Thailand is just as a euphemism for prostitution. Many small brothels are euphemistically labelled as Karaoke bars. However, genuine Karaoke is hugely popular. A group of friends belting their hearts out together to the latest Thai pop tunes is very much a sanuk activity and anything sanuk can only be a good thing in Thailand.

Most home music systems have inputs for microphones to enable Karaoke and most music is sold on the VCD format with videos and Karaoke lyrics. Sometimes the lyrics are just in Thai but often they are also transliterated into English.

Outside of the home, a lot of Karaoke places exist. They consist of sound-insulated cubicles with coin operated Karaoke machines and are popular with teenage kids. When they are singing, the kids enter a different world completely and forget about all their cares (and homework) temporarily. It's quite a sight to see.

The two girls here were in a group of about six and when I peered through the window they were keen to invite me in and hand over the microphone. On the TV screen can be seen heart-throb and pop-goddess, Lanna Cummins.

They asked me to choose some songs and I only know a few Thai artists, Lanna being one of them. I apologise for my rendition of, "Wai jai da gaa," which I absolutely murdered. Nothing beats listening to (and looking at) Lanna.

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Land Measurement

Thailand has its own units for land measurement.

  • 1 Wah = 4 square meters
  • 1 Ngan = 100 Wah or 400 square meters
  • 4 Ngan = 1 Rai or 1600 square meters

In comparison to Western Standards:

  • 2.50 Rai = 1 Acre
  • 6.25 Rai = 1 Hectare

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Laundry

You have several options to get laundry done in Thailand. First, you can buy a washing machine and do everything yourself. You could even hand wash everything yourself. A dryer isn't really necessary because the year-round hot weather gets clothes dry very quickly.

Alternatively, coin operated washing machines can be found in most places and some apartment buildings have them. The going rate seems to be Bt20 per wash.

If you don't want to do laundry there are small laundry shops everywhere in Thailand which are normally one-woman operations. You can pay for each item individually or pay a monthly charge which is normally around Bt500. For this amount there may be a limit on how many items they will do.

The first place I used was unlimited. The second place had a maximum of 80 items per month and anything over that was charged for separately. My current laundry charges Bt500 for every 60 items and as soon as 60 items have been done they come banging on the door for another Bt500. The service varies quite a lot. Clothes can come back smelling good and well ironed or smelling quite bad and badly ironed.

Other annoyances include things just going missing and the way they mark your clothes. Some places will tie small pieces of coloured wool to the label while others will just mark clothes with a black marker pen. If you are lucky they will write on the label but if not they will write directly on the fabric and sometimes in quite conspicuous places.

If you have your own washing facilities but don't want to launder you can always hire a maid. There are plenty of girls in Thailand willing to do this kind of work for a few thousand Baht each month. I've had offers but personally I don't think I can justify employing a maid and I also think the girlfriend might get a little upset.

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Lost and Stolen UK Passports

Sorry, but being a Brit I can only talk about UK passports.

It surprises me at times how casually some people treat their passports. Your passport is a vitally important document which gives you certain rights as a UK citizen, in addition to allowing you to travel freely across international borders. Without it you don't really exist and life can be very difficult.

Millions of people in the world would love to have a UK passport. If you have one, look after it. Another very good reason for looking after your passport is that if it is lost or stolen, getting a replacement is not straightforward.

In the event you and your passport become separated you won't be going very far until you have made a visit to the British Embassy in Bangkok. The web site has good information and you can download the appropriate passport application forms.

You will need to provide personal information about you and your parents (places and dates of birth, passport details, marriage details, etc.) and details about how your passport was lost if it is unavailable. Any loss or theft should be reported immediately to the local police or Tourist Police so that you can get a police report.

My current passport is almost full so I will need to get it replaced fairly soon. The required information I have mentioned so far has been quite easy to get - it is either in my head or I just needed to send a few quick e-mails.

One thing that hasn't been easy is getting an acceptable copy of my birth certificate. The original is in the UK but I'm not even sure where it is and I do not want it being sent in the post to Thailand. Thankfully now, we have that wonderful invention, the Internet.

The UK Government General Register Office has a web site and it is possible to order certificates on-line.

To summarise, look after your passport very carefully to avoid a lot of undue hassle and expense. If you are planning a scheduled replacement (your passport is almost full or about to expire), don't leave it till the last moment. There is a lot of administration and bureaucracy involved and nothing gets done quickly.

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Mobile Phones

One of the most influential inventions of the 20th century. There haven't been too many inventions that have changed people's behaviour like the mobile phone has and most people in Thailand seem to have them.

I resisted for a long time when mobiles arrived in the UK but eventually succumbed. I have one in Thailand and it has proven to be very useful. In fact, like most people, I'd be lost without the thing now and I expect everyone to have one.

In image and status obsessed Asia they are a big thing because having a fancy mobile apparently puts out a message that you are a successful and clever person. A young Isaan lad who works in the girlfriend's salon does foot massage for a living.

One day I found him salivating over an advertising brochure for the latest Nokia phone. When I asked how much it was he told me over Bt20,000. He earns probably between Bt6,000 and Bt8,000 a month. He had that look on his face that told me one way or the other he was going to have that phone.

The way Thais do this is to buy what they want on credit and then sell the item when they can't afford to pay the instalments, normally after one or two months. My monthly income is more than ten times his but when I bought a second-hand phone I set myself a budget of Bt4,000. My way of thinking though is different to most Thais and I don't give a toss about image.

So, what do Thais do with these hi-tech handsets? Not a lot. Phones with cameras can be useful. The first pictures to appear from breaking news normally come from mobile phones, such as with the 7th July 2005 terrorist attacks in London.

The Thais aren't really into photo-journalism though. They take a picture of their grinning friends, pass the phone around while everyone smiles at the photo and then take another photo of another grinning friend.

Buying mobile phones in Thailand is easy. There are mobile phone shops absolutely everywhere. You can buy the latest models or buy second-hand. Thais trade in their phones regularly so the second-hand market is very active. As I mentioned above, there are also a lot of almost new phones for sale that have been sold because the owners couldn't keep up with the credit repayments.

Pay-as-you-go SIM cards are easy to buy as well. I'm no expert on the subject but I have found out a couple of things. It appears that not all operators provide the same things. The girlfriend moved to Orange as they had cheap call rates but it normally takes me multiple attempts to reach her because the network is always busy.

My brother was in Thailand for a short time and wanted a SIM card specifically to send and receive SMS messages abroad. He bought an Orange SIM card but Orange don't support international SMS messages.

I have an AIS One-2-Call number and it works well even if it isn't the cheapest deal around. I can send international SMS messages, the coverage seems pretty good and very rarely do I encounter 'Network Busy' problems.

At one time it was possible to just buy a pay-as-you-go SIM card anonymously. However, Muslim insurgents were using mobile phones to detonate explosive devices. To counter this the Thai government decided that all pay-as-you-go SIM cards now have to be registered.

This legislation came into effect at the beginning of July 2005. People who have a SIM card but don't register will find that at a certain point in time their phone will stop working. Of course, if terrorists are determined enough to explode devices they will always find a way to do so.

I honestly can't see how this measure will help but it will give the phone companies a nice database of user information for future promotions. Very handy if your family happen to own a mobile phone company.

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Money

The relatively new Bt2 coin - Click for larger image Notes (bills) come in denominations of Bt20 (green), Bt50 (blue and some are made from polymer), Bt100 (red), Bt500 (purple) and Bt1,000 (brown). Coins are valued at Bt10, Bt5, Bt1, 50 Satang and 25 Satang. A new Bt2 coin was introduced which I saw for the first time in October 2005. It is the same colour and slightly larger than the Bt1 coin. There are very few in circulation and I wonder if it is because people (like me) are collecting them?! They just seem too shiny and new to spend so they sit in piles on one of my shelves.

Although Bt1 is divided into 100 Satang, only 25 and 50 Satang coins are available these days. They're a bit of a nuisance actually because no one wants them and I only get them occasionally because some goods are priced to the nearest half Baht. Thailand should do what the UK did with halfpennies long ago and get rid of them. (I have read that 1, 5 and 10 Satang coins are in circulation but I have never seen these coins. The same applies with the Bt10 note which apparently is still around but I've never seen one. I may have seen one in 1987 when I first came to Thailand but I can't remember.)

Bt20 notes are very useful. If you have some left over from a trip to Thailand and are planning a repeat visit make sure you keep them. They're great for tuk-tuk fares and tips. Bt1,000 notes result in mixed reactions. If your new girlfriend asks for some money or someone wants a tip and sees Bt1,000 notes being flashed around they will be very happy.

However, if you want to buy anything for less than Bt100 and try to use a Bt1,000 note it doesn't always go down very well because Thais rarely have enough change. Sometimes they will just refuse to make the sale if you want to pay with Bt1,000. At other times they will give you what you want and tell you to come back later with the right money. Yes, there is still a lot of trust in Thailand. If this happens make sure you go back.

Until the 1940's the unit of Thai currency was the Tical which is why you may see 'Tcs' in old books and other written material. Baht, originally a unit of weight, was then adopted. Up until fairly recently (relatively) there were still paper notes for Bt1 and Bt5 denominations.

The 10 Baht coin is remarkably similar to the 2 Euro coin. A German friend of mine used to stock up with 10 Baht coins while he was in Thailand and use these in parking meters in Germany. Unless the German authorities have adapted their parking meters to prevent this I assume that a lot of Thai money is finding its way to Europe for this purpose.

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