Living In Thailand Blog
Thursday 22nd March 2007
I would imagine that she had the hopes and dreams of any mother whose 19 year-old daughter was just about to take entrance exams at one of the country's top universities but now Pisamai Thaophrom's daughter, Pilawan, is dead and her life has been shattered. Her nine year-old nephew also died at the same time as her daughter. Many other Thai families are now sensing the same grief over the loss of loved ones.
I have made the point many times that probably the biggest danger to life in Thailand is on the country's roads but will anything ever change?
What is particularly sad is that so many deaths could be prevented but even though some lip service is paid to the problem, nothing ever changes. Every day I see just as many people jumping red lights, driving at dangerous speeds and riding motorbikes without crash helmets (while jumping red lights and driving at dangerous speeds - and often with three, sometimes four, adults on one bike).
Although they may exist somewhere in Thailand, I have never personally seen a red light or speeding camera. Traffic cops are also rare. Every so often the cops organise road blocks and pull mainly motorbikes over but there are no effective deterrents to stop the lunatics from continuing to endanger other road users and pedestrians.
Even some drivers of public vehicles drive like idiots without seeming to have a care in the world that they are responsible for the safety of their passengers. I have been on a few terrifying bus and minivan journeys as a result of crazy drivers.
Another problem is the condition of some vehicles. Some of the minivans in particular are almost falling apart. I saw one a while back listing heavily at the side of the road and when I took a closer look I saw that the front suspension had just collapsed mid-journey.
Fares are low and consequently profit margins are small. To make a profit it is necessary to load up the vans with as many people as possible, to make journeys as fast as possible, and to spend the minimum amount on servicing.
I have to admit that most of the time nothing bad happens. Of the hundreds of journeys I've taken in Thailand, I've never been involved in an accident ... yet (touch wood). However, this doesn't mean that there isn't a problem.
A couple of days ago there was a terrible accident in Saraburi province when a 36 year-old bus caught fire. The fire was started by a faulty braking system which the driver was aware of but chose to ignore. The resulting inferno killed 29 passengers, whose bodies were so charred apparently that they could not be identified.
The report of the accident in The Nation is clear that the accident could have been prevented. So, what will happen now? Will the ancient vans on the routes I take regularly be replaced with newer models? Will more stringent servicing and vehicle checks start to take place? Will operators stop overloading vans and introduce a 'one seat, one person' rule? Will bus and van drivers start to drive more responsibly? Will there be a crackdown on speeding, jumping red lights and other road traffic offences? Will all motorbike passengers be required to wear crash helmets at all times?
If you know Thailand - the Land of the Free - you will already know the answers to these questions.
Tuesday 20th March 2007
There is a very strange atmosphere in southern Thailand at the moment. At work yesterday, the university campus was almost deserted because of the summer holidays and the people who are around don't seem very enthused about anything - apart from Songkran next month. People don't generally seem very happy.
The heat is one reason but, of course, the southern Thais have other much more serious issues to be concerned about right now. After last week's massacre of innocent minivan passengers, murdered in cold blood for the crime of being Buddhist, three Muslim children were killed in an attack against their school on Sunday and another three women have just been killed. The women were going to one of the Queen's projects that she set up to help widows in the region.
With murders taking place almost every day, it is understandable that people are afraid and angry. However, I am beginning to sense some other emotions. I arrived in the area a couple of months before this current wave of insurgency started in January 2004. The actual problem is not new, on the contrary, it goes back a long way but over many years the violence has tended to be sporadic.
Since January 2004 it has been constant, resulting in over 2,100 people being killed, and this current period is particularly bad. On top of the fear and anger, I am sensing despair and hopelessness as a result of no one seeming to know what to do to bring the troubles to an end.
Human beings can deal with most things in life if they believe there will be a satisfactory conclusion eventually but there is nothing more damaging to the soul when there seems to be no end in sight to a serious problem.
Being a foreigner in Thailand right now isn't much fun, either. I am not overly concerned about personal danger but I will think twice about any minivan journeys I decide to take. The normally fun-loving Thais aren't exactly full of the joys of spring at the moment and the atmosphere is rather depressing.
In these situations, with a general lack of confidence in the air and a sense of pessimism, people concentrate on what they need to do and forget about other unnecessary things, for example, learning English.
It seems almost certain that my contract won't be renewed this year and, because of the tougher stance that was taken by immigration last year, not having work will make it difficult for me to stay in the country.
Yesterday I called one of the university professors I know to see if he had any leads and he had already heard from another foreigner who was in exactly the same boat. He told me that a number of foreigners he knows aren't having their contracts renewed this year.
Up until last year this wouldn't have been a huge problem. In the old days, many people stayed in the country perfectly legally by making border runs every 30 days and worked illegally knowing there was almost no risk of being caught but that is no longer the case. After three 30 day border runs, visitors will be refused entry for another three months.
I did manage to get a lead for a job and had an informal interview yesterday but don't know the outcome yet. The job doesn't seem a patch on my current job but if I am offered it I will at least be able to get the paperwork I need to stay in Thailand.
I am not prepared to do a five day a week, 8am - 4pm, drudge job 'entertaining' Thai kids who don't want to learn so if a suitable position doesn't turn up I may have to reconsider my future in the country - at least until I'm old enough to qualify for a retirement visa.
Since Thaksin's departure a lot of attitudes have changed. The rampant capitalism and materialism under Thaksin was just increasing the already huge wealth gap that existed in Thai society and I believe that some of the Sufficiency Economy measures will be good for Thailand's poor.
But there is no doubt that the country has become a lot more inward looking and some of the old suspicions regarding foreigners have resurfaced. For many of the country's problems, it is easy just to point a finger at other countries as being the source of those problems.
Ten years ago, a severe financial crisis almost bankrupted the country. It came on the back of several years of fantastic growth which nurtured a culture of greed and corruption. However, there are still Thais who won't acknowledge that greed and corruption played a part and instead blame Western currency speculators such as George Soros as being solely responsible.
Singapore was blamed for colluding with Thaksin and Malaysia has been blamed for harbouring and training insurgents. It's not to say there isn't some basis for these accusations but increased xenophobia isn't the answer to Thailand's problems.
As far as Westerners in Thailand are concerned, our cause isn't helped very much by men who continue to visit Thailand in order to prey sexually on children. Four more men have just been arrested in Pattaya and charged with sexually abusing under-aged girls.
To add to Thailand's woes, even the bird flu problem won't go away with another outbreak reported in Mukdahan, and the air pollution problems in the north just continue to worsen.
I feel genuine pity for the Thai people at the moment who just don't deserve what is being thrown at them. Unfortunately, no one seems to know what the answer is and there lies the biggest problem of all. It was decided that the last elected government wasn't the answer so a forced change was made.
Nothing has improved very much since then apart from maybe a decrease in corruption. There are still internal battles being fought regarding the drafting of the new Constitution and an election has been promised for later this year.
The question in my mind though is how the problems from previous elections will be prevented from reoccurring in the next one? For as long as the majority of the electorate remain poor and uneducated, rich politicians will always be able to manipulate the voting system with money and other free handouts.
I am not expecting to be blogging much in the near future. The easy and very enjoyable life I've had for the last few years looks as if it may be drawing to an end. I need to make some decisions about what I will do and where I will go. Whatever my final decision, it is going to require quite a bit of effort and that means less time to spend here.
Thursday 15th March 2007
No other country I have ever visited has had such a profound effect on me as Thailand, which is why I choose to live here. The country has a dark side which is invisible to tourists but the positives still far outweigh the negatives.
The only other place I have been to that even came close to Thailand was Bali but I was only there for a few days staying in one of the main tourist areas. I did my best to see some of the 'real' Bali but it was impossible in such a short space of time. It takes several years of continuous living, study and careful observation to really get to know somewhere.
In many ways, the Balinese people and the Hindu culture seemed quite similar to the Thai people and Thai culture. Interested to find out more, I have just been carrying out a little on-line research but what I have found has quite shocked me.
Indonesia is known to be a corrupt country but somehow Hindu Bali gives the impression of not being a part of Muslim Indonesia. Up until now it has been a place I thought I would like to spend a lot more time in.
However, that is no longer the case after looking at web sites such as Nasty Bali, Fugli Bali and Bali BS. Thailand, all of a sudden, looks very rosy despite whatever problems may exist at this time.
It also comes as no surprise that there are so many Australians visiting Thailand these days, having deserted in droves the Bali they used to be so fond of.
Wednesday 14th March 2007
I took this photo on 13th August 2005 when smoke from forest fires that had been started deliberately in Indonesia reached as far as southern Thailand. The tall structure than can be barely made out is a condo building that can normally be seen very clearly.
It is not unknown for Singapore and Malaysia (notably Kuala Lumpur) to be affected by Indonesian forest fires but unusual for the smoke to reach as far as Thailand.
Northern Thailand has the same problem at the moment but it is the Thais themselves who are to blame, having set light to rice straw after the harvest. It's the normal practice, apparently, but this year has been very dry which has exacerbated the situation.
It also doesn't help that Chiang Mai is located in a valley, thus trapping the smog. When southern Thailand was affected a couple of years ago, I had a cold at the time. I woke up that morning and could smell smoke in the air. When I went outside it was intolerable so I had to spend the day inside but fortunately the air had cleared by the next day.
I really feel for the people up north at the moment. If there is one thing guaranteed to reduce the quality of life it is breathing in foul, polluted air every day. I have plans to return to Chiang Rai sometime this year. I am fortunate I didn't decide to go now.
The Nation published another article about Jatukham Rammathep talismans. These are the famous amulets (created by a legendary policeman in Nakorn Sri Thammarat who was believed to have supernatural powers) that are currently selling for huge amounts of money.
The amulets, which are, "believed to have magical power to protect their holders from violence," are going to be issued to Buddhists in the troubled southern provinces to keep them out of harm's way.
A Jatukham Rammathep craze appears to be sweeping across the nation at the moment. The quantity of originals is limited so originals are fetching huge prices while at the same time counterfeit copies are being produced to satisfy demand. Naturally though, the copies don't have the same magical powers as the original versions.
It's a little after 7pm in Thailand and I've just seen some shocking news on-line. This morning, a minivan travelling from Yala's Betong district to Hat Yai was ambushed when its path was blocked by a tree in the road.
Ten Muslim militants came out of the jungle and ordered the passengers and driver out of the van. The driver started to pray to Allah and, seeing he was Muslim, his life was spared. The other passengers - all Buddhists, including a soldier, student and teacher - were shot execution-style. Eight died at the scene and a ninth died on the way to hospital.
I cannot even begin to describe my emotions at the moment. I live in Hat Yai, I use minivans and sometimes I travel to areas near the Malaysian border. I have many Buddhist and Muslim friends here. Some of my current students are Muslim and I have taught a number of Muslim students in the past. They are kind, generous and peaceful people.
Because of the nature of this heinous crime with Muslims killing Buddhists it will only fuel the hatred against all Muslims that already exists and lead to a more divided society, which is exactly what the separatists want.
Yesterday was one of the days I was warned about recently, being the anniversary of the founding of the Barisan Revolusi Nasional (BRN) separatist organisation. Nothing happened and I hoped nothing would but hope wasn't enough.
Please, no hate mail. There is already enough hate in the world as it is. Religious beliefs and skin colour mean nothing to me. Like the Thais, I judge people by their character (ni-sai in Thai), not their religion.
The world is basically made up of two kinds of people - good and bad. The people responsible for the sickening crime committed this morning are worse than bad. They are evil and deserve to rot in hell following slow and painful deaths. However, the evil act they carried out and the fact they are Muslim does not automatically make all other Muslim people bad.
This evening my thoughts and prayers go out to the families and friends of the victims, whose grief and suffering now must be almost at the limit of emotional pain that a human being can endure. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that I may know some of them.
Here are links to reports from the BBC and The Nation.
Tuesday 13th March 2007
He was drunk, allegedly, but what on earth was going through Oliver Jufer's mind last December? Many foreigners - especially men of a certain age - choose to live in Thailand for the great lifestyle it gives them, and the Thai people make them feel very welcome.
Oliver Jufer had been living in Thailand for some time - accepting the country's hospitality, presumably - and he knew the score. What he did last year on the 5th December, a very special day in a very special year for the Thai people, was about the worst possible insult he could deliver to his hosts. It was despicable and inexcusable.
I'm not talking about freedom of speech, country-specific laws, or the right to criticise. I'm talking purely about common courtesy and respect. Different countries are sensitive about different issues and it doesn't take long to figure out the sensitive issues in Thailand. That sensitivity has been heightened in recent years due to the ongoing political instability.
What you don't do when living in a foreign country is carry out spiteful acts which are guaranteed to insult and cause distress to the very people who have made you welcome in their country.
Some of my students got me horribly confused yesterday trying to explain a big, current news story. It all started when I asked one of them about a seminar she went to in Nakhon Sri Thammarat last week. I went to the same seminar last year and on the way back we stopped at Wat Phra Mahathat, the most important Buddhist temple in southern Thailand.
I asked if the group she travelled with also stopped off at the temple on the way back. They did, and this is when the confusion began. I include the story here as it is a follow up to a recent blog I wrote on 9th February about spiritualism and animism in Thailand.
Much of the belief system in Thailand has little to do with pure Buddhism but more to do with black magic and the occult. Certain objects are believed to have magical powers which can protect the owners and bring good luck. Amulets, in particular, are regarded to have special powers and some are highly prized.
My students started telling me about a famous policeman in Nakhon Sri Thammarat who did lots of good things in his lifetime and lived to a great age (108, I think). His funeral was a big affair attended by many people. One photo of his coffin is alleged to show the image of his soul outside the coffin and one of the students has promised to show me the photo next week.
I got so confused in the end that we just gave up on the story but thanks to a couple of articles in The Nation I think I now understand. Talisman fad reflects insecurity and Authorities to get tough with producers of imitation amulets.
Basically, with lots of insecurity and instability, Thais are turning more and more to these ancient belief systems to protect them and, as a result, prices of amulets reputed to have very special magic powers have rocketed.
Inevitably, crafty people have tried to cash in by producing fake copies (this is Thailand, remember, where counterfeit copies are available of anything that has any value). Genuine amulets have to go through a special blessing process which the fake ones don't and therefore they don't have the same magical powers.
The Nation laments about the state of confusion regarding Buddhism in Thailand saying that many Thais now do not practice Buddhism in accordance with the Bhudda's teachings, and they, "cannot get over their attachment to animistic practices, including amulet worshipping and black magic."
The photos were taken close to where I live. This man sells all sorts of weird and wonderful objects that supposedly have magical powers. There are various animal parts (dried penises, tiger teeth, etc.), plant roots, wooden phalluses, etc., and of, course, amulets.
Prices aren't cheap. In the past I have asked him how much individual items cost and although I can't remember the details, I remember being surprised at how expensive ordinary looking objects were. It just proves that you can't put a price on magical powers.
Monday 12th March 2007
Thought I'd start the week with a Monday morning maths test. How many cups of tea can be bought with Bt100,000?
No doubt, the lucky pupils chosen to attend the highly-rated schools in this article won't have any problems working out this simple piece of arithmetic. Nor will the staff working at these schools be going thirsty with so much tea to drink. No further comment.
Something I really enjoy doing here is feeding the local monkeys. When I get visitors I normally take them along and they enjoy it too. Because of their almost human-like expressions and behaviour, they are fascinating creatures to observe (the monkeys; not my visitors).
This particular troop of monkeys is very well fed and quite well behaved. A few of the alpha males get aggressive occasionally and bare their teeth which can be quite frightening. Females nursing babies can also demonstrate aggressive behaviour if they perceive a threat to their young.
Generally though, there aren't any problems. They approach slowly and take the food gently. They don't go as far as wai'ing when they take food but they are far better behaved than the teenage Thai boys I attempted (unsuccessfully) to teach English to a few years ago.
I was bitten by a macaque in Langkawi almost four years ago as I was travelling through Malaysia from Singapore into Thailand. The thing just jumped out of a tree. I had no idea there were any monkeys nearby at the time.
It snatched the bag of crisps I had my hand in and managed to bite into my finger drawing blood. Some locals applied a thick, gooey, tar-like substance to the wound. I didn't go to hospital but suffered no ill effects apart from a craving for peanuts and bananas and an increase in body hair.
Monkey bites are generally not a good thing and best avoided. Like all wild creatures, their mouths are full of nasty bacteria which can cause infection. In addition, I found the following on Wikipedia recently which will make me even more cautious on future monkey-feeding visits:
In the late 1990s it was discovered that nearly all (circa 90%) pet or captive macaques are carriers of the herpes-B virus. This virus is harmless to macaques, but infections of humans, while rare, are potentially fatal.
On my last visit I saw a guy making threatening gestures towards a small group of monkeys that included a couple of babies. He was doing it to get a reaction from them and thought it was amusing. One of the adult females took exception, running at him and biting his leg. Some people are just so incredibly dumb.
And while on the subject of dumb people. There are some things that you just don't do in Thailand, or even think about doing. Ever. This guy was lucky and got arrested by the Thai police. Had he not been so lucky he might have been beaten and strung up from the nearest lamppost by an angry mob. I'm not joking.
Saturday 10th March 2007
Mae Fah Luang, the Royal Princess Mother, lived in Switzerland for part of her life and after she returned to live in Thailand, she continued to make frequent visits to Europe.
One of the things she introduced into Thailand was the French game of Pétanque and subsequently it has become a very popular pastime. The game is known as betong here.
The university where I work organises a big competition once a year with proceeds going to one of the charities that Mae Fah Luang set up. Last year the competition started at 10am and finished at 3am the following morning. This year, however, it is expected to finish around midnight.
I've mentioned my stupid sun hat a few times recently and commented how it gives the locals a good laugh.
I really don't care that they laugh because looking like a dork is better than having a Chernobyl suntan and it does a great job of protecting my face and neck from the intense sun.
What I find slightly odd though is that when exactly the same hat is worn by a Thai - as was the case today with this woman playing betong - it ceases to be amusing. Why is this?
Perhaps it is me they are laughing at and not my hat? That's fair enough. To Thai eyes, farangs are odd-looking creatures indeed with their strange coloured hair and eyes and big noses (especially this farang).
There were rumours of a silly hat competition running in parallel with the betong competition and I thought I might be in with a chance. That was until this guy turned up, at which point I decided it was time to go home. I know when I'm beaten.
The searing heat of recent weeks continues. You know it's hot when the Thais start to complain and everyone was complaining today while huddled in front of one of those large outdoor fans that sprays a fine mist of water.
What is unusual is that there has been quite a strong wind blowing. It makes little difference during the day time but once the sun goes down the cool breeze feels good. The weather this evening was very pleasant.
Friday 9th March 2007
Tax is deducted from my monthly salary automatically and I thought that was the end of the story regarding my tax affairs in Thailand. However, last week I was given an end of year statement of my wages and tax and told to take it to the local revenue collection office.
I went along yesterday, not knowing exactly what to expect, but thought I'd better take my passport. I was told they needed to see my work permit as well so go back tomorrow. I went back today with my passport and work permit only to be told they needed my tax number and ID card. Unfortunately, I don't have either.
I have never managed to do anything on the first visit to a government office. They always turn me away asking for something that I don't have. When I return with whatever they were asking for, they ask me for something else that wasn't mentioned on the first visit.
I called the secretary at work who spoke to the official and it was agreed that I would be issued with a new tax number (which I now have on a laminated card). I am now very much in the system in Thailand and there are links between immigration, the department of labour and the tax office.
I'm not really a pessimist but whenever I deal with Thai government departments I always expect the worst. On this occasion I was expecting to be presented with a hefty bill for unpaid tax but it didn't happen. The official receipt I was given shows a tax balance of 0.00.
The amount of tax I paid last year was very small, especially compared to rip-off Britain, and I have no complaints whatsoever. I even get some medical cover at the local public hospital because I'm a tax payer so it's actually a very good deal.
It was the quietest, least busy Thai government department I have ever been to. Every day, thousands of Thais queue up patiently for passports and driving licenses but they don't seem as eager to get in line when it comes to paying tax. In the art of tax evasion, the country has had some very prominent role models.
I now have even more reason to get pissed off regarding dual pricing. One of the old chestnuts that gets trotted out when people are looking for excuses to justify this daylight robbery is that farangs in Thailand don't pay tax. This farang probably pays more tax than the average Thai and I'm not the only one.
For one foolish moment I thought about taking along the card with my tax number next time I visit a national park or another attraction with a dual pricing policy but I know I will only be wasting my time. I know exactly what will happen if I demand to pay the Thai price. I will get the famous Thai shoulder shrug, avoidance of any eye contact and a deathly silence until I walk away or cough up the farang price.
Scouting is big in Thailand and it's common for school kids to turn up for school once a week in scout uniform. The National Scout Organization of Thailand was founded in 1911 by King Rama VI. There's a detailed write-up on Wikipedia if you are interested.
Scouting fits perfectly with Thai society and ethos for a number of reasons. Doing good deeds every day - as scouts are supposed to do - is basically what Thais do anyway to make merit. The Thais have an inherent sense of goodness and doing good things for other people which is in the same spirit as the scout movement is based upon. There is also a strong sense of belonging to organisations, especially the military, and, not least, a love of uniforms!
I met this group yesterday. As they marched along I said hello and asked where they were going. They ignored me completely, not even looking up as I spoke. This is most unusual behaviour for Thai kids and I thought at first they might be on a special exercise where they weren't allowed to talk.
The truth was revealed a couple of minutes later when I spoke to their scout leader. They were all deaf and mute so when I spoke they just didn't hear me. I asked the scout leader if I could take their photo and he organised them using sign language that even I understood as he mimed using a camera.
As soon as I had overcome the initial sound barrier there were big smiles all round, just as there are with all Thai kids.
In the past I have mentioned a Thai girl who has been pursuing me rather persistently for quite a long time. I used the word 'stalker' previously but it wasn't very kind because that word has sinister connotations and there is nothing sinister about her.
She's a very pleasant, well mannered, well brought up girl who has a good education behind her and a fairly decent job. What she doesn't have though is a boyfriend. She doesn't like Thai (or other Asian) men but instead prefers ugly old farang farts like me. It's a mystery to me because she's not bad looking and she's just a little over half my age.
I'm not interested on a number of counts. I'm not sure at the moment whether I'm still in a relationship or not but even if I'm not, the last thing I need right now is to get involved straight away with another Thai girl.
In addition to that, she's not really my type and her obsessiveness is a big turn off. I'm quite happy to be a casual friend but that's it. She calls often, sends frequent SMS messages and sends several e-mails every day like this one:
i'll always keep track on you
and care for you like today
i'll always love as long as we've each other
you'll always be in my heart
and be there foe you on your lonely day
i'd share all your sorrow
and be the hope dream together
because i'm always your friend
...Forever...
As I say, she's a pleasant girl and I don't want to hurt her but I just don't know how to respond to stuff like this. I have been deliberately avoiding walking past where she works for several weeks in an effort to try to cool things off but it's not working.
I had a similar situation before with a young girl I met in Bangkok. We spent a few innocent hours together but then she wouldn't stop calling me. The calls went on and on and on. As I was trying to return home from Khaolak last year it was a stinking hot day and there were no seats left on the buses.
The prospect of an eight hour bus journey standing up wasn't good and neither was my mood. I then dropped my camera bag and wasn't sure if I had damaged anything. I wasn't happy. It was at that point she started calling me and it was the last thing I needed.
I didn't answer but sent her a pretty angry SMS in the heat of the moment telling her to leave me alone. She replied with an innocent apology and it made me feel really bad. I imagined that I had probably made her cry and I felt awful at what I had done.
She was another lonely girl trying to make ends meet in Bangkok, she had few friends and she was from a poor background. She was not an unattractive girl either.
On these occasions, I also think back to how some Western girls have treated me in the past - like a piece of crap, basically - and it is wicked and unnecessary. In Thailand I have had to face problems that I've never faced in my life before.
A few years ago I never imagined I would have problems with unwanted attention from attractive girls half my age (or younger, as was the case with the girl in Bangkok) but weird things happen in Thailand.
The weather is so hot at the moment, it isn't even funny. If I go out (which I avoid doing as much as possible) I have to smother my face with factor 50 sunblock and wear my stupid Japanese army hat to keep the sun off my face and neck.
Without such precautions it only takes about 10 minutes to get fried and to end up with a bright red face that lasts for several days.
Thursday 8th March 2007
Humour doesn't always travel very well across borders, especially when there are language differences. The Thais are always laughing and love something to laugh about but when I used to have a TV in my room I found Thai TV comedy shows to be very juvenile.
On Thai evening TV there is apparently nothing funnier than a highly effeminate man, a dwarf and a very fat person dressed up in flying goggles and scuba fins. Thai TV humour reminds me of Crackerjack or The Krankies (UK kids' shows from the 70's) except that it is aimed at adults.
The Thais - I believe - are familiar with Mr Bean but are hardly likely to know about The Office. I am sure that a Thai language version of The Office would leave them completely baffled.
Everything has to be sanuk in Thailand and it's something I am constantly aware of when I am teaching. A sanukless environment will very quickly result in a studentless environment thus probably resulting in a jobless environment for the teacher. It doesn't matter if the students aren't learning anything as long as they are having fun.
This week I showed my students some well-known Gary Larson cartoons. I had anticipated a few vocabulary problems so translated the words I thought they might not know beforehand. This exercise quite surprised me.
The first cartoon was the one of the two polar bears tucking into an igloo where one bear says to the other he loves these things; they are crunchy on the outside and chewy in the centre. Try as I might, I couldn't get my students to understand what might be chewy in the centre.
The next cartoon was the one of the Viking long boat where the two Vikings at the front have a strange feeling they have been going round in circles. The rowers on one side of the boat are all big and muscular whereas on the other side they are all little wimps. That one wasn't understood either.
The third cartoon used a half-empty (or half-full) glass of water to explain the four basic personality types and the last one was of hopeful parents looking at their son sitting in front of the TV wearing a reversed baseball cap playing computer games all day and dreaming of the day when high-paying jobs will be available for Nintendo experts.
I thought these cartoons would be universally understood but I was wrong. Each one took me an age to explain and even after I had explained, the students didn't seem to appreciate the humour.
Similarly, and this may be purely because of my Thai language deficiencies, I have never heard any Thai jokes like the ones that I used to hear in England. No one in Thailand has ever come up to me and said, "Did you hear about the Burmese, Laotian and Cambodian travelling together on a train?"
In addition to international borders, age also plays a big part in humour. Most of the top UK comedy shows now began after I left the country, such as Little Britain and the Catherine Tate show. The only reason I even know about them is that I get to watch DVDs on my trips down to Singapore two or three times a year when I mix with the expat community down there.
Even though I can appreciate what is supposed to be funny - and sometimes I do find the sketches genuinely funny - I find it a little tedious when everything about the humour revolves around different characters spewing out their oft-repeated catchphrases.
Again, it seems juvenile to me now but perhaps I am just getting too old and grumpy? From a personal perspective, humour reached a plateau in 1979 and I doubt very much that I will ever see anything funnier than Life of Brian in my lifetime.
There was another example today of how my reading ability has surpassed my vocabulary by a very long way. On my evening walkabout I went into a Soi I thought was called 'Soi Dtun' because that's what the sign said. I realised shortly afterwards it was a dead-end so walked back.
On the way back I got chatting to a woman and a group of girls sitting in a small cafe. As is usually the case, they wanted to know where I was going; it's a standard question in Thailand. I told them I was just walking around but didn't realise the Soi was a dead-end.
The woman gestured towards the sign and started leading off about how farangs can't read Thai. I told her I could and - just to prove it - wrote what I had read on a piece of paper ซอยตัน
This level of written Thai is really easy but it never fails to impress the locals and I always get complimented on my handwriting. I'm not sure if these compliments are earnest or whether it is the same as when they always compliment foreigners who manage to speak more than two words of Thai.
But I digress. Being able to read something is of little use if you don't understand what it means and dtun should have told me that I was walking into a dead-end. According to my dictionary it means: solid, blind, clogged, blocked or stuck.
Vocabulary is something I am currently trying to work on. I don't know how many words are in my current vocabulary but my plan is to try to add around 500 words per year. For everyday conversation in Thailand it is probably only necessary to know a couple of thousand words.
Written Thai (which is almost like a completely different language) and rhetorical Thai (used in public speaking) are different matters but my first priority is just to improve my everyday conversational speaking ability.
Tuesday 6th March 2007
I've had a busy week showing my parents around and now I have to work for a couple of days. They have returned to Singapore to stay with my brother. The big family news is that my brother's Isaan girlfriend is pregnant. This news came as a big surprise to him because he hadn't planned to enter into fatherhood.
About three years ago I received the same news from Iss and I was equally surprised as I hadn't planned to enter into fatherhood either. However, a slippery bathroom floor at her grandmother's house caused her to fall on her backside in the early hours one morning and she miscarried.
I felt terribly sorry for her but I cannot deny that I breathed a huge sigh of relief at the same time. Many of the girls here live drudge lives from which there are few opportunities to escape. Finding decent foreign men who treat them well and who are financially sound is one way out and it seems that some will do whatever they can to hang on to what they have.
Obviously, I don't know the background regarding my brother's situation but with Iss she was determined for us to marry and she probably thought that having my baby would be the best way to force the issue. It's something to be a little wary of if you get involved with a Thai girl and leave the issue of contraception to her.
It doesn't necessarily mean they are bad people. It's natural for all of us to try to get the best out of life we can even if sometimes we are selfish and think of ourselves before others.
Anyway, from what I can gather my brother is now over the initial shock and is very excited about the baby so I am pleased for him. He still has lots of hurdles to overcome to allow his Thai girlfriend and yet-to-be-born child to live with him in Singapore but these problems are part and parcel of living in a foreign land and getting involved with foreign partners.
I am looking forward to being an uncle and having fun days out with my niece or nephew. Kids are great fun but the best thing about other people's kids is being able to give them back at the end of the day when they start to get tired and irritable.
On another matter, I can confirm that the airport departure tax has indeed been increased. It went up from Bt500 to Bt700 as of the 1st February. Someone needs to pay for all the money that was stolen during the building of Suvarnabhumi and it looks as if the bill is being presented to air passengers leaving Thailand.