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  • Living in Thailand Blog September 2008
 

 

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Living In Thailand Blog

 

Saturday 6th September 2008

Whilst discussing visa issues with a farang in Thailand who is here with his farang wife he made the obvious comment, "Why don't you just get married, there are so many lovely girls here."

This is a classic example of how things are never what they seem in Thailand. For those men who are not in the market, Thailand must look like the ultimate bachelors' paradise. Everywhere you go there are beautiful girls smiling invitingly - and some of them really are beautiful.

With respect to their wives, I would imagine that many foreign married men in Thailand wished they were single again.

It may be reassuring to them that the reality is not quite what they imagine. After five years I am effectively as single as I was when I arrived. I'm not George Clooney but I don't believe I am hideous as far as Thai girls are concerned, so what's the problem?

For starters, they aren't all beautiful. I have tried before having a relationship with an honest girl who I wasn't physically attracted to and it just doesn't work. I want a beautiful Thai girl, therefore, but so does everyone else!

In a land where image and presentation is everything, physical beauty is much admired and prized. Beautiful Thai girls understand this very well and, especially for those girls from poor backgrounds, it is their passport to a better life.

They also know their looks will fade quite quickly so they don't waste their time. Their beauty is a commodity (the only one they have) and will be sold to the highest bidder. Regardless of whether the money comes from one man or many, they are available, but available for a price.

This is not the case with girls who aren't from poor families. These ones tend to spend a long time in tertiary education and keep themselves very pure. As a result, it is these girls that are highly desired by Thai men and farang men don't get a sniff.

Exchanging smiles and flirting with beautiful Thai girls is easy; having brief sexual encounters with beautiful prostitutes in Thailand is easy; finding a beautiful poor girl who will enter into a relationship on the basis of a financial transaction is easy; but anything else can be rather difficult, unless you are incredibly handsome or lucky.

It so happens that most foreign men looking for a wife in Thailand are of a certain age and haven't had the best of luck with women, so they don't really fall into either of those two categories.

I am located in a conservative and relatively wealthy part of Thailand where it is not a girl's primary aim in life to find a foreign husband for financial support. This evening, I went to a large night market where only locals go. I was the only farang, and there weren't even any Malaysians or Singaporeans (yes, I can tell the difference).

There were hundreds of girls there and do you know how many showed any interest in me? Not one. I got a few sweet smiles but that means absolutely nothing in Thailand.

If I go to the part of town where the tourists are - indeed any tourist area in Thailand - I will get attention from the hookers who originate from other parts of the country. They are here to find foreigners like me and for them it is business.

What you will find though is that as soon as you remove money from the equation, there is very little interest. With a few exceptions, the girls would much rather be with their own kind and they only feign an interest in foreigners for the financial benefits.

I learnt two things very quickly shortly after I arrived in Thailand. The first was that staff working in apartment buildings don't miss anything. The second was that if you get involved with a Thai girl she will ask the staff where you stay questions in order to find out about your character.

When I moved into my current place I had a strict policy of not taking girls back to my room. When I needed to do what a single man needs to do I did so elsewhere. The staff have never seen any strange girls going to my room because there haven't been any.

I did this to keep my reputation intact, just in case a nice girl happened to come along who wanted to get to know me better. Well, what a waste of time that was. I have developed fantastic techniques to identify and to get to know the loveliest of Thai girls but they are never interested.

Sure, I get to have coffee and go out to dinner with them but they aren't interested in anything else. What they are all looking for is a good Thai man.

As a parting gesture I think I will rent the sluttiest looking hooker I can find, take her back to my place and introduce her to all the apartment staff as my new 'friend', telling them I am giving her private English lessons in my room.

I am not so naïve as to think that at almost 50, past my best and not massively wealthy, a beautiful young Thai girl will fall in love with me for what I am. I guess that eventually I will go down the path of supporting a poor girl and her family financially so that I can have a young, attractive wife. I'm just not ready to go down that path yet.

The reality of the situation is that for ageing foreign men, we should be grateful there are still places left in this world where such arrangements are possible.

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Friday 5th September 2008

Samak has suggested a national referendum. This is a classic Thaksin tactic. If the educated middle-classes don't like something, the politicians tell them, "Don't you decide, don't let me decide, let's ask the country."

They do this knowing perfectly well they will then get the full backing of the rural poor who benefited under Thaksin's unsustainable populist policies. Thais have sussed this out now and refuse to get involved, which is why the Democrat party refused to stand in the last election.

The last thing these politicians want is a style of Western government but they are happy to use certain aspects of Western 'democracy' when it suits them.

Thais are fed up with what is happening to their beloved country and there is no end in sight to the problems with arrogant, stubborn Samak refusing to step down. According to an opinion poll, "About 57 per cent (of Thais) say politicians appear to be obsessed with enriching themselves and are preoccupied with their power and individual interests."

The only thing that surprises me about this statement is why do only 57% of Thais think this?

I was speaking to a couple of my students about the problems last week. When I say students, they aren't kids. Most of my students are adults and these two are senior medical professionals.

They wanted to know what I thought. I am always honest with my opinions (even if my thoughts are critical of Thailand and likely to upset Thais) and expounded my views on the problems created by having such huge wealth and knowledge gaps in society.

I know that all men are not born equal but people should at least have the opportunity to get a better life for themselves. In Thailand, people's entire lives are set out at the moment they are born, and for many people they will never have the opportunity of a better life. This is why so many poor girls look for foreign husbands because it is the only possible way out of the poverty trap.

I mentioned real education and real job opportunities for the poor but just received blank, confused looks. What I have found is that middle class Thais have sympathy for the poor but that's about it. The sympathy doesn't extend to actually doing anything constructive about helping them. The next comment was another one that floored me.

"The poor aren't educated because it makes them easy to control," I was told. I was shocked; not because I didn't already know this to be the truth, but for such a direct statement to come straight from the mouth of a Thai.

The minimum period of schooling in Thailand is six years and according to Niels Mulder's book 'Inside Thai Society' (page 131), "Fifty to seventy-five per cent of primary school time goes to the teaching of how to be a good and tractable subject." Most poor children only do their minimum schooling because it is all their families can afford.

You need only to take a look inside a Thai school, or to watch Thai TV for a while, to see that a certain amount of dumbing down goes on but this makes for good, tractable subjects that are easy to control.

This is the Thais trying to have their cake and eat it again; the same old problem. The elite classes want to protect their comfortable lifestyles but they also want the country to be seen as democratic, open and fair. OK, what do you want, because you can't have both?

Put the rural poor on an equal footing, give them a decent education, give them real opportunities in life and they will vote for politicians who are best for the country, not ones who buy their votes with cash and/or populist policies.

The other problem in Thailand is short-termism. To do anything like this will take at least two generations but Thais aren't renowned for their ability to think very far ahead. This is another major difference between Thailand and Singapore, where Lee Kuan Yew's vision for Singapore involved a long-term plan that took many years to realise.

Thais will not like me for saying any of this but, at the same time, they want answers to their problems. Unfortunately for them, before they can get answers they will first need to face up to a few unpleasant truths about the society they live in.


When I got my first job offer here some years ago, the first thing I did was to apply for the relevant visa and a work permit. From the reaction I got, it was obvious that foreigners those Thais had previously employed hadn't bothered so they were a little confused about what I was doing.

A senior university head of department told me the laws were only for Burmese, Filipinos, and Indians, etc., and not for farangs like me. Yes, in Thailand laws are discriminatory - they apply to some people but not others.

Nonetheless, I insisted it was what I wanted to do even though I knew the chances of getting caught if found working illegally were almost non-existent because no one ever checks. Why?

Even five years ago in Thailand, the writing was on the wall that the immigration laws would be changed. I knew it wouldn't be long before people staying in the country permanently on tourist visas and 30 days stamps would have a problem. That was one reason for wanting to get a non-immigrant visa.

Secondly, the way I was brought up in England has programmed me to respect laws. I didn't like paying for a TV licence in the UK but I always did so because it was the law. My cars were always taxed and insured, and as a driver I stopped at red lights and didn't drive the wrong down one-way streets. I think this is referred to as having a conscience.

Despite a lot of resistance from Thais who couldn't be bothered helping me with the necessary paperwork, I got a proper visa and a work permit. This took a lot of time and effort on my part, requiring trips to consulates and embassies in neighbouring countries; and it was also expensive.

I paid for everything myself; my employer at no time offering to assist with the expense, presumably believing that what I was doing was unnecessary.

I have always worked perfectly legally doing my main job, which was part-time. Occasionally, other places would offer me part-time work. What I would do then was get them to fill out the paperwork to add the new place of work to my work permit. Again, this took time and effort, and I paid for all the fees myself.

A few months ago, I got another offer of work and - as usual - gave them the work permit paperwork to complete. It's no big deal for them. However, there was one further problem. Because Thailand is a country where status is very important, the forms needed to be filled in by a company director.

On one occasion my paperwork was refused initially because the person signing it (the guy who employed me) wasn't deemed to have sufficient status.

Therefore, I told the people at the last place it must be signed by a director. They told me the directors were based in Bangkok so I would have to wait. I waited for a month only to be told they weren't going to sign it because it isn't necessary for part-time work. This is complete rubbish.

I told them it is necessary and they made me wait again. After another month I was told they wouldn't sign it; and no reason was given.

I was flabbergasted. What do they mean they won't sign it? They have no choice; this isn't optional for them. They enrol students and then they need a teacher to teach those students. If they employ a foreign teacher it is their legal obligation to make sure the teacher is working legally. Period.

They can't refuse; but in Thailand they do. I have tried to be a good citizen but, at times, it really does seem like the proverb, "A good man in an evil society seems the greatest villain of all."

This situation presented me with a dilemma. I had already completed nine weeks of a 10 week course when I received this news. What was I supposed to do? In Thailand you never get paid until you have completed the work. I could have walked out after completing 90% of the course and not received any salary but that didn't seem like a good idea.

It makes me angry because you try to help people and they then put you into difficult situations where, technically, the implications can be quite serious.

Sometimes it makes me angry but it also saddens and disappoints me. There have been lots of problems with bad foreigners teaching in Thailand in the past. The government introduces legislation to improve the situation but it is Thais themselves that flout the regulations and bypass the system. Their own children could be at risk if other Thais are doing the same thing elsewhere.

The same logic applies with traffic laws. None of us like traffic laws but Westerners generally accept they exist for good reasons, that is, to improve safety on the roads and it thus makes sense to obey them. Thais don't like laws either but that is where the similarity ends.


Many rented rooms in Thailand come with a fridge and TV but mine didn't when I moved in three years ago. There is nothing on Thai TV worth watching so I didn't bother with a TV but I needed a fridge. I could have bought one but it seemed easier at the time to rent one from the apartment for Bt400 a month.

I have never been very sure how long I would stay in the country so I have chosen to rent things rather than buy. However, this was a big mistake. The fridge is worth about Bt5,000 and with the amount I have paid to rent it I could have bought three.

I have just told the apartment people they can have it back but now there is another problem. Thailand is constantly hot and very humid, and as a result a fine layer of rust has developed on the fridge door. I told them about this.

Shortly after it was returned, the receptionist called me and told me the maid couldn't clean the door. Yes, I know, it's rust, you can't remove rust with a damp cloth. There was then lots of worried faces and comments that I couldn't have my deposit back.

In the end, I got so annoyed with the stupid conversation that I just walked away.

Firstly, how is it supposed to be my fault that the fridge door went rusty? Were they expecting me to keep my A/C running 24 hours a day to keep the humidity down in my room?

Secondly, by renting out the fridge over three years they have made an almost 200% return on their investment. When I look at the shattered remains of my stock market portfolio, I certainly wouldn't mind a few similar investments.

Even if they throw out the fridge now, or get the door repainted, it's been a good earner for them and they should be grateful. Instead, it's now a major problem.

I am refusing to speak to the receptionist any more. The owners of the building are actually very nice, and very reasonable people. I have learnt from experience that I am wasting my time trying to talk to the people involved with the day-to-day running of the place. Whenever I actually want to get an issue resolved it is necessary to talk directly with the owners.


I've been seeing one of my regular massage girls for over three years now and I saw her today. She's a sweet young thing from Sukothai.

When I first met her she had an old phone but desperately wanted a new one. On quiet days she sits in the shop all day with nothing to do and she wanted to be able to play games and listen to music on a more modern phone.

We devised a plan where I would give her some extra tips over a period of time so she could buy a new phone. She wasn't greedy, but waited patiently until she had enough money and then went to buy her new toy. She was really happy and it made me feel good to see that she was pleased.

Shortly after, she went back home to visit her family and some little toerag pickpocketed her new phone. She reverted to an ancient model that only had a few basic games and no music, photos or movies. She wasn't at all bitter though.

Today she had a fancy Nokia N-Series phone with lots of features which she told me she is borrowing from a friend. I started to look through some of the photos she had taken but she then tried to grab the phone from me - obviously a little embarrassed.

I couldn't quite believe what I saw. There was a young cat suckling on a pair of human breasts. The breasts didn't look like hers so I asked whose they were and she told me they belonged to her aunt. She told me the cat enjoys it. I asked if her aunt was lactating and she said yes.

After that I was a bit lost for words so the conversation ended. I've heard about orphaned animals being fed by an animal of a different species but I have never heard of a human suckling a cat. Weird.

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Blog entries 1st to 4th September 2008

Blog entries 7th to 9th September 2008