Thailand - Random Page 5
Tailors
Ask a tourist visiting Thailand what they plan to do and one thing that invariably comes up is the subject of getting bespoke clothes made. I was the same when I first visited the country many years ago.
The problem is that it is simply a cliche. It's no different to backpackers wanting to buy baggy fisherman pants and ethnic hilltribe shoulder bags. It's just a tourist cliche.
Indian tailor shop in Chiang Mai
All of the tailor shops that target tourists in Thailand are run by Indians, not Thais. It begins even before tourists set foot in Thailand. These guys take out big advertisements in the airline in-flight magazines. The shops always have 'Armani' somewhere in the name. The proprietor is a fat, bearded Sikh with a big grin and in the photo has his arm around a minor Hollywood celebrity who he claims he makes all his suits for.
A number of packages will be offered, priced in US dollars. They go along the lines of one mohair suit with spare trousers, two shirts, three ties, a belt, a pair of comfy slacks and a safari suit (for that essential Rolf Harris or Rod Hull look).
They claim that they can turn clothes around in a matter of hours and will stop at nothing to get business. Every shop has a tout outside who tries to shake the hands of passing tourists with a "Good afternoon sir, where are you from?"
They will willingly collect people from their hotels to take them to their tailor shops and they bribe Bangkok tuk-tuk drivers with fuel coupons just to get tourists through the door. Of all the things that annoy me in Thailand, these guys are probably the biggest annoyance of all.
Their shops are just places to ensnare people and are located in heavily touristed areas. The clothes are normally made in the same sweatshop factories in poor parts of town using slave labour.
I honestly wouldn't bother and the clothes I have seen made in these tailor shops aren't at all impressive.
One tip I read somewhere - if you really insist on using the services of an Indian tailor - is to lie about your departure date. If they know when you are leaving they will deliver your clothes just as you are about to leave but there won't be any time to make alterations when you find you can't button up your trousers. However, if you have more time in the country they can then make the necessary alterations.
A proper tailor shop in Thailand
Personally I would never use one of the tourist resort Indian tailors but, of course, it's entirely up to you. On the other hand, there are tailor shops in Thailand that don't just try to sell safari suits to tourists and these are generally a lot better.
Tap Water
As a tourist I was paranoid about the tap water in Thailand and remember dipping my toothbrush into a bottle of drinking water to brush my teeth. It's not actually a problem and I believe that tap water in many parts of Thailand can be drunk fairly safely, although it's not something I would recommend.
These reverse-osmosis water purifying machines are cheap and the water tastes good
Tap water is fine for bathing and brushing teeth. In my old apartment building there was a reverse osmosis machine that dispensed filtered water for Bt1 per litre. If you buy large bottles in packs of six from a supermarket the price is quite low.
You can also buy large containers of no-brand filtered drinking water very cheaply. This is the type of water used by restaurants in Thailand.
At home I have a small carbon/resin/ceramic water filter and I have never had a problem drinking water from it. I change the filter materials once a year, or so. These filters can be bought at many places in Thailand for about Bt5,000.
Tattoos
I have never seen the point of tattoos. Generally I think they look ugly and (just the same as men with earrings) they always make me a little suspicious of the wearer.
Quite a few Westerners that end up in Thailand are rebellious types who seem to want to express their non-conformity and 'uniqueness' through their personal appearance. The paradox is that by wearing the same rubber flip-flops, baggy fisherman pants and tattoos, they end up all looking the same.
Tattooed monk
Tattoos look OK on young females but in Thailand I have seen a lot of old Western women with tattoos who were once part of the hippy set and now they look hideous. Tattoos, unlike youthful looks, last forever.
After I got to know the Thai girl who is now my wife a little better, I discovered she had a small tattoo just above her left breast. She had it done during one of those foolish teenage moments.
She felt so ashamed that she always kept it well covered. None of her family know about it. Obviously, she couldn't keep it hidden from me but it made her feel very uncomfortable.
While she was trying to decide on a wedding dress, this ugly thing kept appearing when she tried on the more revealing dresses. It was driving her mad so she went and got it removed. The tattoo has gone, but she now has an ugly scar that hopefully will fade in time.
The original tattoo cost Bt1,000 and its removal was Bt5,000. She always kept it covered and it was always a great source of shame. She regarded it as one of the biggest mistakes of her life.
There are tattoo shops everywhere in Thailand and for many Lonely Planet readers in Thailand, getting a tattoo done is as natural as buying a pair of baggy fisherman pants and wearing a bandana. The difference is that the silly fisherman pants can be discarded, whereas the tattoo can't.
Think very carefully before getting a tattoo done on the spur of the moment.
As I have mentioned elsewhere, Thailand is supposedly a Buddhist country but the major belief system is still animism. A lot of the spiritual rites and rituals you see being practiced by 'Buddhist' Thais have nothing to do with Buddhism.
Unfortunately, this also applies to a high percentage of Buddhist monks. There are many Thai men ordained in the Sangha who are great believers in amulets and other trinkets with supposedly magic powers. These beliefs also extend to 'magical' tattoos.
If you read anything about the real message of Buddhism, by authors such as Buddhadasa Bhikkhu, you will not find anything about wearing 'magical' amulets or covering your skin with tattoos.
Thai Bureaucracy And Dealing With It
The Thais have their own way of dealing with things and it works for them. It would be easy for me to criticise the system and write about how much time I have spent (wasted) dealing with bureaucracy but it is their country.
Two things you will need an abundance of if dealing with Thai bureaucracy are time and patience (two things the locals seem to have a great deal of). Don't expect anything to get done quickly. Allow at least three visits to any government department.
The first visit is to find out what you need. On the second visit you will be told about more things you need that you weren't told about on the first visit. You may get what you want on the third visit or you may be told about some more requirements.
At times it seems that officials are doing all they can to make things difficult for you but apparently that's not how the Thais view the situation. The Thai view is that government officials are public servants whose wages are paid from taxes so therefore they do all they can for the people who pay their wages.
Thai bureaucracy involves a huge amount of paperwork. Everything needs to be photocopied and signed and/or stamped. My passport has been photocopied so many times the ink has started to fade. I consider the only relevant pages in my passport to be the details page and the page that has my current visa but at times every single page has been copied and I have been required to sign each copy. On some contracts I have been asked to sign up to seven times on each page.
The single best piece of advice I can give anyone is to involve a Thai to help you. There are several reasons for this. Thais like dealing with Thais. Even in totally informal situations they won't deal with me if I am with a Thai. For example, if I ask a Thai waitress a question (in Thai) she will respond to my Thai companion. Sometimes when I pay the bill my change is given to my Thai companion. I feel at times as if I have suddenly turned invisible.
Thais understand the system. When dealing with Thai officialdom never show any sign of annoyance. When they tell you on the third or fourth visit they need something else a foreigner might be inclined to raise his eyes to the ceiling and ask, "Why didn't you tell me that before?" The Thai will just smile and say, "I'm sorry, how silly of me to forget something as obvious as that."
Let a Thai friend deal with the official and just sit in the background as quietly as possible. If spoken to, smile a lot, be subservient and speak very politely. When Thais deal with officials they use a very high level of politeness in their speech. Even when the official is being completely unreasonable no one gets flustered.
Getting angry constitutes a loss of face and it destroys the atmosphere of cooperation and harmony that is so important to Thais. It is the worse thing to do but I know, from experience, that at times it is difficult.
Another obvious reason to let a Thai deal with the situation is language. Immigration officers might speak English as they deal with foreigners but in some other government departments you will not see a single sign in English or hear a word of English spoken.
At times I have thought I have been up against a brick wall but I have always managed to get what I wanted - eventually. Sometimes it has been necessary to jump through hoops but this is all part of the game. Unfortunately there is no way to beat the system. Be polite, be patient, jump through the hoops by complying to new requests and eventually you will get what you want.
Thai Ingenuity
The Austin Allegro. British Leyland produced some dogs in its time but new depths were plumbed when Austin announced the Allegro (or El Aggro, as it was more commonly known). It was a hideous looking car for a start but also a mechanical nightmare. As I seem to remember, it had a cable operated gearbox, and as anyone knows who has worked on even such humble machines as bicycles, cables stretch.
They survived for a while but I haven't seen one on British roads for many, many years. I was therefore quite amazed to see an Allegro being driven around Thailand. It is testament to Thai mechanics that they have the ability to keep such a pile of crap on the road. The Allegro is the automotive version of the Dodo. It became extinct years ago. Seeing a working Allegro in 2005 is akin to something like a Tasmanian Tiger turning up in Hobart on a Saturday afternoon.
It says a lot for Thai mechanics if they can keep Austin Allegros on the road
Give a Thai mechanic any vehicle and see what he can do with it. There are plenty of 50 year-old Mercedes running around that have had Nissan engines transplanted into them once the original engines became unserviceable.
Even Maserati sports cars imported into Thailand are subject to Thai improvisation. The highly temperamental and vastly expensive high-revving Italian engines get replaced with big Lexus V8s which are cheap to run and almost indestructible.
In some ways it reminds me of Cuba where big old 'Yank tanks' are kept going because of poverty and US embargoes preventing new cars from coming into the country. I think it's great though.
Thai Toilets And Bathrooms
If you stay in a tourist class hotel in a town or resort your bathroom is likely to look quite familiar with what you are used to at home. However, if you get into rural Thailand or stay at a Thai person's house you may notice a few differences. I'll start with showers. Thais normally wash in cold water - it's not really cold because of the hot climate and the fact that most water tanks are located on the roof where they are exposed to the sun but if it has been cool overnight the water can be quite cold first thing in the morning. At first I thought this was because many Thais couldn't afford shower heaters but now I think it is a personal preference. I find that Thai guests using my shower turn the water temperature down very low or turn it off completely.
Rural Thai bathroom in Isaan
The method Thais use to bathe is different too. Many bathrooms do not have a shower head arrangement with running water as is common in the West. In the bathroom will be a large water container. This is sometimes a concrete affair built into the bathroom or maybe just a large plastic standalone barrel. There will be a tap but this is just used to fill the container. In the bathroom, normally floating on top of the water, will be a small plastic bowl which is used to scoop and sloosh water over your body. It takes a bit of getting used to but I find that as long as the water isn't too cold it is OK.
Squat toilet in Thailand
Toilets in non-tourist areas are almost always of the Asian squat variety. They are basically a hole in the ground but are sometimes raised a little way from the floor. If you are a man and need to pee it is obviously not a problem but I've never really got the hang of anything else. To be honest, I dread these things. Whenever I get invited to a Thai person's house to stay the first thought that goes through my mind is that I'll have to use a squat toilet.
Squat toilet sign
Toilet paper can be quite a rarity and in many public toilets you won't find any. If girls use a toilet in a restaurant it's not uncommon for them to grab a handful of paper tissues from the table before they go. Some public toilets charge a small entrance fee and there is a person in attendance collecting the money. Small packs of toilet paper can sometimes be bought from this person. Thais tend to use toilet paper differently, using it to dry themselves after first cleaning with water, rather than to clean. Rural toilets normally have septic tank systems which won't deal with toilet paper so used toilet paper is put into a waste bin in the bathroom. Out of habit, Thais will still do this with sewage systems that can accept toilet paper. On a few occasions after entertaining Thai guests I have found presents of used toilet paper left in my bin in the bathroom.
Do not squat
To clean up after using the toilet it's a case of using that plastic scoop again and this is also what is used for flushing. Some toilets come with a small hose pipe arrangement which Thais use to clean their bums with instead of scooping the water. The squat toilets normally have no flushing mechanism and in some places where a sit down toilet is installed the cistern won't be plumbed in. Just get a few scoops of water and throw it into the toilet.
Hand washing after using the toilet doesn't seem to be a big thing in Thailand. Perhaps the lack of close contact between hand and bottom by using water to clean instead of toilet paper lessens the requirement? In public toilets there are normally sinks with running water but soap is fairly unusual and towels or hot air drying machines are quite rare. Hot air drying machines that actually work are even rarer. Everything written here applies to non-tourist areas. In heavily tourist areas none of these things are normally a problem.
Thai TV
The general standard of Thai TV is so bad that I am struggling to find suitable words to describe it.
There are six terrestrial channels: Channel 3; Channel 5; Channel 7; Channel 9; Channel 11; iTV. Five of the six channels are operated by the government or military.
The iTV channel ('i' standing for independent) was bought by Thaksin Shinawatra and used as a propaganda instrument for his political aspirations. This left no independent TV stations in Thailand.
Cable and satellite operators offer plenty more channels but these are just the same rubbish.
Soap Operas: Where I come from there are two genres of soap opera. There is the gritty reality of working class life in a large city, for example Coronation Street and EastEnders. Then there were the 80's shows about fabulously rich and wealthy families like Dallas or Dynasty.
Thai soap operas are a different genre altogether. They are cast with beautiful people, most of whom are 'look kreung', the Thai word for someone of mixed race. The girls are white-skinned and beautiful, the men equally pretty in their own way.
They all live in beautiful homes, wear beautiful clothes, drive around in expensive German cars, and have an endless supply of money. No-one appears to work and I have never seen any indication of how their money was made. Thailand is presented as a place so spotlessly clean it makes Singapore look Third World.
The plot lines range from romantic trash to farce, and of course there are always lots of comical ladyboys and effeminate men. These are a staple of Thai entertainment.
The women in Thai soap operas are always scheming, and their delight at deceiving someone is shown by crafty smiles towards the camera. It's really horrible. These shows contain all the worst aspects of Thai society and condense them into an hour's worth of TV.
Thai soap opera actors do not know how to act without the prefix 'over'. All relationships are intense and within the space of 10 minutes you will witness every single human emotion. To accompany the awful acting, the range of background music is just as wide.
For the 'comical' moments there is lighthearted comedy music and lots of Looney Tunes cartoon sound effects.
Thais love this trash.
Comedy: I can best describe Thai comedy in terms that will only mean anything to Brits of a certain age. It is a combination of Crackerjack, the Krankies and the Benny Hill show. Sophisticated it is not. I doubt that 'The Office', or any other kind of subtle humour, would be very successful in Thailand. Slapstick and infantile humour are the words that best describe Thai comedy shows.
These comedy shows look as if they are made for five year-olds but actually they are intended for the general population.
Thais would be great fans of 19th Century freak shows. In their 'comedy' shows there are always dwarves, obese people, men that look like women, women that look like men, and other strange-looking people. And also, of course, there are the very beautiful people.
Sound effects are important, and these come directly from the Looney tunes factory. You will also find that during every 'comedy' routine a drummer will hit his snare drum when something 'funny' is said. I think this is a cue for the audience to laugh.
Game Shows: Game shows are just one long commercial. The little podiums the contestants stand on have adverts on them. Props also feature adverts. In other countries the props might be huge playing cards or something but in Thailand these are adverts. Long lists of advertisers are shown at the end of each show.
News: Thai news is quite graphic. Serious road accidents in Thailand are a daily occurrence and when they occur the TV cameras aren't far behind. The cameras get in close on the victims and show lots of blood. Some Thai news programmes resemble war zones. Perpetrators of crimes are also closely followed by the camera and made to look very remorseful. Everything involved in the crime is shown on TV - hand phones, drugs, contraband and the money that was made from the crime.
Commercials: Thai TV shows are peppered with commercials and sponsors, as well as there being commercials in regular breaks during shows. What I find interesting is observing which products are advertised on Thai TV, and when.
During the evening soap operas with lots of hi-so beautiful people the ads are mostly for shampoos and skin-whitening products. Very Thai. Very Asian.
If you watch Thai boxing at the weekend, the advertisers know that it is a very different audience tuning in and therefore the product placement is different. Thai boxing appeals mainly to the rural poor farming community.
In commercial breaks during Thai boxing matches you see ads for fertiliser products, tractors, the equivalent of combine harvesters for rice farmers, pickup trucks, cheap Thai whiskey, and the energy drinks that come in small, brown bottles and are popular with lo-so Thai men.
Foreign soap operas: In the past, Thais have been obsessed with China and Japan. The current obsession is with Korea. Pretty Korean boy bands are popular with Thai teenagers, and Korean soaps are popular with adults.
They are usually period dramas, with the actors in period dress and the men sporting long hair and fighting with swords. If you remember 'Monkey', these shows are similar but not as good. Monkey was the only decent TV show ever to have come out of Asia.
What Thai TV needs: The Thai film industry is capable of making wonderful movies, such as the magnificent Naresuan. (Even now, I still fantasise about wrestling with Lurkin in a Thai river somewhere.) Some Thai movies have won international awards, and deservedly so.
Thailand should start using some of this talent to make TV shows.
Thais are also obsessed with their self-image. They want the world to believe that Thailand is just like Thai soap operas. However, it isn't ... at all.
Get real. I have always thought that a Thai version of the Beverley Hillbillies would work well as a TV comedy show. We could have Somchai, his wife and eight kids from Isaan, who struck gold on their rice farm and now live in a penthouse condo in Bangkok.
They go to the most exclusive restaurants in Bangkok, but instead of choosing from the menu, Somchai's wife prefers to make her own som tum bplaa-raa with a mortar and pestle in the corner.
They have maids but Somchai's wife still likes to go down to the Chao Phraya to do her laundry in the river; and instead of his limousine and chauffeur, he still prefers to drive around the streets of Bangkok in his rot ee-dtairn.
This might be a bad idea, but it would be far superior to any of the current garbage that is dished up on Thai TV.
Use Of English
In this age of globalisation with English recognised as the de facto international language many Thais pay lip service to learning and using it. I have found that Thais only bother to learn English for two reasons. The first is status. Being able to speak English is a big status symbol to educated and/or higher class Thais. The number of English language daily newspapers in a town is not necessarily an indicator of how many farangs live in the vicinity. Educated Thais will often buy an English language newspaper to sharpen their reading skills.
The other reason for Thais learning English is because they need to. They may deal with tourists and it is in their interest to be able to communicate well for business reasons. Some may need to speak English at work and some may need it for their studies. My experience with Thais who fall into neither of these categories is that even though they may be studying English they have no real motivation to learn.
In Bangkok, Phuket and other tourist areas you will have no language problems. My limited ability to speak Thai serves me well in the provinces but has not been necessary in tourist areas where the Thais speak better English than I do Thai.
Thai TV is mainly in Thai with the occasional programme in English, such as 'Newsline'. Apparently an English soundtrack is broadcast on FM radio for some foreign programmes on some TV channels but I have never managed to figure out when this happens.
Radio in the provinces also has a very Thai flavour but it is different in Bangkok where English language stations exist. They normally employ announcers who speak with a sickening sweet and annoying American accent.
As I have mentioned elsewhere there are English language daily newspapers available including The Nation which is an excellent read. Thai magazines are weird in respect of language. Quite often the magazine title and all the article headings will be in English but the actual articles are in Thai. It can be a little deceiving. I have picked up magazines that are all in English on the front cover but have been unable to read anything inside.
Working In Thailand
Thailand has what might be called a protectionist policy in place regarding employment. Just as there are laws in place to stop foreigners buying up large tracts of land in Thailand, there are laws in place to protect Thais from losing their jobs to foreigners. It's not a bad thing, actually.
There is a long list of professions that foreigners cannot do in Thailand and accordingly, work permits will not be issued. If you are a photographer and have spotted an opportunity to set up a small studio to take photos of vain Thais who love their photo being taken, you can't. Photography is on the list of jobs that are banned for foreigners.
The best way to work in Thailand is if you work for an international company and can get a transfer. With an expat salary and all the relocation perks you will enjoy a very good standard of living and your company will take care of all the bureaucracy and administration. A few people manage to set up successful businesses and do well but I don't hear about that too often. A big problem is the language. It's not like being in Singapore or even Kuala Lumpur where you can survive just by speaking English. In many areas of Thai business it is essential to speak Thai.
I think it is probably accurate to say that most foreigners tend to work in one of two professions, certainly the ones I have met anyway.
Thailand is a popular country for scuba divers to work, both instructors and divemasters. There are plenty of diving locations and not many Thais dive for some reason. Because of the way diving has grown in popularity in the last 15 years or so, many people come to dive in Thailand and there is generally plenty of work.
By far the biggest profession for foreigners in Thailand is teaching English. It is something that foreigners naturally do better than Thais and there is a growing demand. It is one of the few jobs foreigners can do without speaking Thai (many do it without being able to speak English) but speaking a little Thai does help. The pay isn't great compared to many other countries but relative to what many Thais earn it is OK. People teaching English in Thailand normally do so because they want to live in Thailand and that is the only way they can survive. There aren't too many doing it to further their careers or save for their retirements.
Workmanship
It was 1987 and I was sitting in a small restaurant on Koh Samui with my travel companion from the UK. Samui then was almost deserted and nothing like it is today. As the sun was setting a Thai guy working in the restaurant turned on some coloured lights, the kind the Thais like so much. To do this though, he didn't flick a switch.
He took hold of two pieces of wire, both of which had safety pins through them. He fastened the two safety pins together in order to make the electrical connection and the lights flickered on. My friend and I, both computer hardware engineers at the time and used to more orthodox electrical standards, looked at each other and laughed simultaneously. It was another one of those 'Only in Thailand' moments.
Well, it works, doesn't it?
Fast forward to 2005 and I decide I'd like a ceiling fan fitted in my room. After several weeks of waiting, a contractor comes to give me a quote. The first surprise is his labour charge which I will detail in terms of UK pounds. The fan itself was about £20 and if I was installing one in the UK I would do it myself. The main reason for that is because getting someone to do it would be very expensive.
In the UK, the actual fan would be the cheap part. Getting it fitted would probably be around £100 or more. So, how much in Thailand? The quote was Bt300, or just over £4. At one stage three men were involved plus the teenage son of one of them who was employed to search around for cables in small holes as he had small hands.
They seemed to be doing a pretty good job until right at the end. Instead of the power cable coming down from the ceiling and being concealed within the fan housing it came down outside of the housing where it was coiled up, bound with insulating tape and left on display. At first I thought this was just temporary while they tested everything but no, this is how they intended to leave it. It looked awful.
I protested gently. At first they didn't seem interested in tidying things up. After all, the fan worked didn't it? They told me the cable couldn't be concealed, which was absolute rubbish, and then they said they hadn't had much experience installing this type of fan.
I was then told that when I move on to somewhere else the fan will go with me anyway so what does it matter? In fact, the agreement with my landlord was that it stays here so he won't be left with an ugly hole in the ceiling.
Eventually they completed the job how I expected them to do it in the first place. The final result wasn't the best but it was satisfactory. It seems that Thais have a different set of standards to doing jobs compared to many Western foreigners. As long as something works, that seems to be all that matters.
The photo above is of an electric meter in the street near to where I currently live. It's a typical piece of Thai bodging. It works fine - the dial goes round as it should to measure how much electricity is consumed - but it just hangs in mid-air and looks awful.
The moral of the story here is that if you contract Thai workers to do anything, you need to make very sure they are aware what standards of workmanship you expect, or you need to watch over them constantly. Don't be nasty though when they are working for such small rewards. I tried to give my workers a Bt200 tip because Bt300 to do the job was so little but they refused and would only take Bt100.
The other very important point is they don't perform shoddy work because they aren't able to do good work. Thai artwork and handicrafts are beautifully produced and I have seen many examples of fabulously constructed houses and landscaping.
It just seems to be a cultural thing of not expending any more effort than is absolutely necessary in order to achieve something or to get something working.
Alien registration, banking, children's day ...
Construction work to electricity and wiring ...
Fake goods and piracy to money ...
Movie posters, pickup trucks, stray dogs ...