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Pretty Thai university girl taking part in the Loy Gratong festival

Pretty Thai university girl taking part in the Loy Gratong festival


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When asked if she would have married Donald Trump had he not been rich, Melania's response was to ask would he have married her had she not been beautiful.

Despite what some people may say, this is how life works, and it is particularly the case when Western men go looking for wives in Thailand. In Thailand you don't need to be as wealthy as Donald Trump's wealth to find a girl who is just as beautiful as Melania. In fact, you need relatively very little.

There are many reasons (I have listed some below) why Western men are losing interest in Western females and looking towards Asia. At the same time, many young attractive, but financially disadvantaged, Asian girls are looking for Western husbands.

It would appear to be a match made in heaven, but for Western men it can be a minefield and there are some huge potential dangers. One Western man told me that mixed Thai/Western marriages never last more than four years and some Western men have been financially ruined by getting involved with Thai girls.

In Thailand the odds are stacked against you and Thai law has been constructed so that foreigners never play on a level playing field in Thailand, however don't despair. It can work. As I write, I have been married - fairly happily - for eight years and I know other Western men who have had successful marriages.

Over the years, men have written to me and I have read about lots of failed relationships and there are normally some common causes.

Many Western men are arrogant. After barely being in Thailand five minutes they believe they know everything. Thailand is a very deceptive country. In the last 40 years Thailand has become very rich (even though the wealth has not been shared equitably) and on the surface Thailand looks very familiar to Westerners.

It's not. At all. Once you start delving into the Thai value and belief systems you will realise that nothing is comparable to Western countries and to understand Thailand and the Thais takes a very long time. I have lived in Thailand since 2003 and I learn new stuff all the time.

Most tourists visiting Thailand will go to one of the major tourist resorts. That's fine because without any language skills or knowledge of Thailand foreigners will find life easier in these places.

But where will those Thais go whose only interest is getting money from foreigners? They will go to exactly the same places. The easiest places for men to get involved intimately with Thai females are massage parlours and beer bars, but girls from these places are the most likely to cause problems.

You will actually be better off getting involved with one of the women who clean your hotel room. I knew a Canadian man who did this and he found a great wife.

By far the biggest mistake is to believe that the girl you have found is different from all the rest. I have hear this so many times. Yes, you know about all the potential problems but they only apply to other girls because your one is different. No, she isn't.

What can you do to lessen the risk? Nothing beats knowledge. Read, read, read and read things about Thai culture because it is essential to know how Thai girls think.

Never rush into anything and, as the old adage goes, never invest any more in Thailand than you can afford to lose. If your only asset is a house and you sell it and transfer the money to Thailand you risk losing everything.

If you feel brave enough to venture outside the tourist resorts, do it. The experience is very different, but you won't be so vulnerable. Try to meet Thai girls with normal jobs. I had quite a lot of success with teachers and nurses and my wife is a teacher.

Try to learn the language. At first it seems like an insurmountable hurdle, but actually it's not that bad and even reading some basic Thai is quite easy.

As I said above, Thai law is designed to always give Thais an advantage over foreigners in Thailand. Language is also used for the same purpose. Thais have a big advantage over foreignes in Thailand when everything is in Thai. You can't change laws, but by learning some Thai you can even up the playing field a little that way.

Learning the language and getting to understand how Thais think and behave will also make you more desirable to Thai females.

It is said that being happily married is better than being single, but being single is better than being in a bad marriage. That applies in the West, but if you get involved in the wrong relationship in Thailand it can be a lot worse.

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Why Are Western Men Attracted To Asian Girls?

There is no doubt that Western women were treated very unfairly until quite recently in history. Many Western countries only gave women the vote in the 20th century. A few examples are: United States 1920, Sweden 1921, Britain 1928, France 1944, Switzerland 1971, South Africa 1994.

There was also widespread discrimination against racial and minority groups. I'm not that old, but even in my lifetime there was segregation in the United States that didn't end until 1964, and the system of apartheid in South Africa didn't end until 30 years after it ended in the USA. Homosexuality was a crime in the UK until 1967 and, depending on the individual state, it was a crime until much later. In many countries it is still a crime.


Lovely, smiling Thai girls in a Loy Gratong parade

Lovely, smiling Thai girls in a Loy Gratong parade


None of these things affect me personally as a white, heterosexual male, but some things were just wrong. There probably aren't too many right-thinking people around now who believe that any of these things should be reintroduced.

However, after years of sustained political correctness which has been inflicted on the Western world by an extremely liberal left-wing media, it seems that the only people who are marginalised these days are white, heterosexual males. The pendulum has swung too far and the backlash began in 2016 with Brexit and then the election of Donald Trump. Had the media's politically correct campaign not been so fervent and sustained, I don't think either of the events would have happened.

Next Doctor Who should be black or female. Even fictional characters who have always been white and male since 1963 can no longer escape the insanity of political correctness, and white men have now been identified as an endangered species.

I am not racist, homophobic, misogynistic or any other names that you may want to call me. I believe absolutely in fairness and I understand that some people are different. I am married to a person of the opposite sex who is racially different to me and I have a gay brother.

I am a very accepting, very tolerant person. However, when I read the news I don't particular wish to read stories about gay men who fell in love during the conflict of Syria, written with a journalistic slant inferring that you aren't normal these days unless you are homosexual.

Neither do I wish to see gangs of young British women drink binging until the early hours of the morning and then vomiting on the pavement, just to show that they now have equal status with males. I would like my female partner in life to be, well, feminine.

As a result of the feminist movement, many Western females have become highly undesirable for many Western men. Men aren't interested in women who want to be men, and women who try to defy nature will only end up being disappointed in life.

Further, so-called 'lifestyle' publications aimed at women push the lie that women these days can have everything. I have received many pieces of advice during my lifetime, but probably the best piece of advice I ever received was: 'You can have anything, but you can't have everything."

This has absolutely nothing to do with money; it is simply common sense. Some things in life are completely incompatible, therefore you have to choose. Many young Western women now want high flying careers, great sex lives, exciting lives full of trouble, perfect relationships, and families. They aren't prepared to compromise, but they can't have all these things because some are mutually incompatible.

It is my belief that a lot of Western females who think they can have everything in life will end up like this T-shirt.


Waiting for the perfect man

Waiting for the perfect man


As for Western men, what can they do?

For those who resist change and won't look beyond their own borders, there isn't much they can do. During my last few years in the UK I had a torrid time doing Internet dating. Having turned 40 and not being the richest or most attractive man on the planet, I simply could not find a relationship in which there was equal interest.

Attractiveness and age are the only criteria that count and people choose or reject potential partners by swiping right or left on a mobile phone app. It's sad, but true.


Em - one of the first girls I met after I moved to Thailand

Em - one of the first girls I met after I moved to Thailand


On the other hand, large parts of the rest of the world are very different. Females still have traditional values and beliefs and for many Western men - myself included - they are infinitely more desirable than their Western counterparts.

During my working life in the UK I was able to travel a fair amount and this opened my eyes to what else was available in the world. By the time I was 40 I had had enough and knew it was time to change. I quit my job in 2002 and moved to Thailand in 2003.

This kind of radical life change isn't easy. Even though I was single without any commitments or dependents it was very difficult saying goodbye to the life that I had built up until that point and starting all over again. But it was worth it.


Even ugly, old, undesirable men like me can marry attractive young girls in Thailand

Even ugly, old, undesirable men like me can marry attractive young girls in Thailand


I now have a wife who is over 20 years younger, two young children, a larger house, and a much more relaxed, enjoyable lifestyle. I would have had none of these things had I remained in the UK.

Thailand and other developing countries are far from perfect and there are many social problems, but in many respects - as a result of those countries not being slaves to political correctness - life is actually a lot better, especially if you are a white, middle-aged male.

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Thai Girls

There are many developing countries in which local females are keen to meet men from Western developed countries so that they can enjoy a better quality of life. I can't tell you about them all because I have no experience, but I have lots of experience with Thailand and Thai females.

Firstly, many of the girls are very attractive. I think this has to do with mixing up gene pools. Many Thai actors and superstars are Eurasian. Some wonderful things start to happen when you mix up the genes. This hasn't happened everywhere and I find many girls from other Asian countries to be quite uniform in appearance and certainly less attractive than Thai girls.

The girls are generally small-framed and very shapely. Obese Thai girls do exist, but they are relatively rare compared to Western countries, especially places such as the UK and USA. Thai girls tend to have high cheek bones and very delicate bone structures. Even the most ordinary Thai girls have bodies that most Western girls can only dream of.

It amazes me sometimes to walk into a shop or branch of 7-Eleven and to be served by a young girl who could be a model in the West. And unlike Michelle Pfeiffer, who used to be a checkout girl at Vons, pretty Thai girls won't have the same opportunities to become famous actresses when they finish being shop girls.


A common sight in the West, but very rare in Thailand

A common sight in the West, but very rare in Thailand


Thailand, being located right in the middle of some ancient and important trade routes has always attracted people from many different countries. Lots of Thais have very east Asian Chinese features, whereas in some regions the people look quite south Asian. In addition, there are many Eurasians these days, or look kreung, as the Thais refer to them.

Thailand is still very much a man's world and there is no concept of political correctness at all. This doesn't seem to bother the women and many have good jobs. Dentists in Thailand are fantastic and every dentist I have visited has been female.


Traditional Thai Girl

Traditional Thai Girl


In addition, there is a big culture of taking care (doo lair) in Thailand and there has been no rabid feminist movement. Most Thai girls really take good care of their husbands. It needs to be reciprocal, but not in the same way. The girls look for men who will take care of them financially. Wages are very low in Thailand and most girls don't earn enough to be independent. They don't earn enough money to live, let alone go out on binge drinking sessions with their girlfriends.

Many are obsessed with their own attractiveness, but they don't worry about looks in a partner. They look for other, more important, characteristics and qualities. Some girls do worry about age differences and some girls even prefer younger men, but many don't and a big age gap isn't necessarily a problem.

Foreign men seeking Thai women are also assisted by the irresponsible and immature nature of many Thai men. The men are blessed with an abundance of fabulous women, but they probably take it for granted and abuse the situation. Most are more interested in drinking sessions with their buddies and putting fake exhaust pipes on the back of their pickup trucks than with their wives or girlfriends.

To summarise the good points, there are many young, attractive girls in Thailand who are very keen to meet foreign men. Looks and age aren't that important as long as you are honest, faithful and take care of them, and the girls will take great care of their husbands.

It sounds almost too good to be true. On my first visit to Thailand in 1987 I couldn't believe how desirable I had suddenly become compared to how undesirable I had been in the UK.

This happens to a lot of men. On a visit to Phuket I was walking past a beer bar and saw a quite repulsive farang sitting there with a cold beer in his hand and looking as if he ruled the world. He was the type of man who would have been completely ignored by females in his own country. In Thailand, while he sat with his beer a young Thai girl stood behind him massaging his shoulders.

The problem, when things appear almost too good to be true, is that they normally aren't true. I still believe that Thai girls are amazing and if I ever separated from my wife I would look for another Thai girl. You should never forget that nothing in Thailand is ever quite as it seems at first.

The girls aren't that clever academically, but they are extremely perceptive and they just know people. Poor Thai girls from rural villages with very little formal education have the power to wrap intelligent, educated, wealthy foreign men around their little fingers very easily.

They tap into some very primordial parts of the brain and no matter how intelligent, educated or wealthy you may be they can exert a very powerful force over you. Since I started running this site, several intelligent Western men have sent me e-mails, including one doctor. The girls know what they want and they are very good at getting it.

So, what do they want?

Basically, they want better lives. Thailand is a very unjust and inequitable country and only certain people higher up the social hierarchy get opportunities for a better life. My wife comes from a poor background, as do many of the girls.

She is the youngest of eight and the only child in her family who went to university. She got a degree and then did a teaching degree. The jobs available to her pay Bt15,000 per month, at most. That's about 430 USD, which doesn't go very far - even in Thailand.

One of the problems is that being poor and wanting more money becomes part of their personality. Once you give them more they never seem satisfied and only want more and more. I have found this very frustrating in my marriage. My wife now has a far superior lifestyle compared to that she had before, but it never seems to be enough. There is always something else. Money really is an obsession in Thailand.

I can understand this to an extent. We all choose to marry to obtain something that will make our lives better. Most men desire young, attractive wives and good sex, while most women are driven by material reasons. I just find it frustrating that whatever you give them ever seems to be enough.

As I mentioned above, the girls are very perceptive and know exactly what men want. When they want to draw a man in they use all their powers, but once they have their man things change. I still receive occasional massages, but not the daily massages I got when we first met. I have also heard this from other Western men married to Thai girls.

Thais have a very value system to Westerners and even if your wife is totally dependent on you financially, her loyalty will always be to her original family. Her parents and siblings are always more important than her foreign husband.

In all marriages a tremendous amount of compromise is required to make the marriage work. With mixed race marriages there is probably more. One Western man sent me an e-mail telling me that Thai/farang marriages never last any more than four years.

As I write, I am approaching my 7th anniversary and I know Western men who have been married to Thai females for a lot longer. The relationships can work very well, but you have to be very tolerant and there is an enormous amount of compromise and acceptance of your wife's beliefs and values, which are very different to yours.

If you accept this, learn about Thailand and the Thais, and make a good choice you can have a very rewarding relationship. Conversely, entering into a relationship with a Thai female can go very wrong. Just how wrong?

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When Things Go Wrong

For Western men there are many advantages having a Thai wife or partner but, unfortunately, relationships go wrong quite often. They go wrong in different ways and for different reasons. It is possible that things can end very badly, but just how bad?

There are a lot of Thais who make a living by scamming other people, especially foreigners. Other Thais can normally work out what is going on and thus they are difficult to scam. On the other hand, foreigners are easy to deceive and also they have a lot of money. Foreigners in Thailand are prime targets for scammers.

The scams are different and I have highlighted some examples elsewhere - Scams In Thailand.

Unfortunately, some of the Thai girls who foreign men get mixed up with are also scammers. They have completely no interest in the men, apart from their money. As part of the scam they will even go as far as getting married in order to get access to the man's money.

In some cases Thai women have arranged for their foreign husbands to be murdered. They then get all the man's money and go off to live with their Thai boyfriends. In one case a Thai woman married to a foreign oil worker made him a nice dinner and washed it down with alcohol.

After he was nice and relaxed she left the back door open so that her Thai boyfriend could enter the house and murder her husband. She then claimed through his life insurance policy.

Another time, a Thai woman murdered her Japanese husband and her Thai boyfriend, who had butchery skills, cut up the body into small pieces. They put the body parts into bags and disposed of them in a canal.

In other cases, rather than murdering their foreign husbands, the women convince the foreign men to sell everything back home and then start a new life in Thailand. Thai law prevents foreigners from owning land and therefore houses are bought in the woman's name. If the Thai woman then decides to kick out her foreign husband he has no legal redress and can't do anything. Effectively, she can steal everything he owns leaving him with nothing.


A Thai girl in Dannok on the Malaysian border

A Thai girl in Dannok on the Malaysian border


What is worse? Being murdered or being left in life with no money and no possessions? Being murdered isn't a good thing, but some people might actually say it is preferential to being left alive with no money or possessions.

Leaving aside murder or theft, the relationship may just not work out and it is a case of the 'irreconcilable differences' that are cited in many divorce proceedings.

With heterosexual marriage, of course, there is always the gender difference and this applies regardless of your wife's race. Men and women simply do not think in the same way.

If you marry a Thai girl there is also a HUGE culture gap, which should never be underestimated, and many foreign men marry Thai girls who are a often much younger, therefore there is also an age gap.

In the following pages I will talk a little about Thai society and the do's and don'ts when looking for Thai girls.

Before that, here is the text of an e-mail I received from the mother of a young man whose relationship with a Thai girl went very wrong. She wanted me to share the story in the hope that it would help other men avoid similar problems.

"My son, unfortunately, has been 'conned' by a very nice (so we thought), ordinary girl from Phayou. He has had a relationship with her since last year and this year they got 'married' in a Buddhist ceremony in front of her whole village and grandparents who brought her up.

My husband and I travelled over to Thailand for the wedding, as did three other couples (his close friends) and their children. We all paid our own airfares and accommodation. At the wedding ceremony, my husband and I became a part of the whole thing but we felt that the grandparents were very cool and distant towards us.

My son paid for the gold for his bride, gave a lot of money to the grandparents, bought his fiance a car, paid for 300 guests at the reception and was looking at building a new home for the grandparents. His 'bride' chose not to have the relationship formalised in Thailand but proposed that they have a wedding over here when she came.

She arrived on Saturday, 21 May and left on Sunday, 29 May after telling my son that she wanted to go home and didn't like it here. He phoned her this evening to find out if she intended to return and when she said no, he said that he wanted his gold and money back - she refused (of course) and said she has already spent it.

My son has spent over $35,000 on his 'bride' which works out to over a million baht. She is sitting pretty and probably has a boyfriend in the background who will now have a nice life. My son feels an absolute fool, even though he is really quite intelligent and astute and as he said to me tonight, "I've said for years that I wouldn't get caught like this."

One of the problems was that he met this girl who is a friend of the de facto of his close Aussie friend who lives in Thailand - his de facto has been with him for over 10 years - and he thought she was genuine.

Please warn others about getting involved too soon - my son genuinely loved her."

The advice this lady gives at the end about getting involved too soon is good. A Western man who is ignored and treated like a social leper by women from his own country can be made to feel incredibly happy by a Thai girl. The feelings can be quite intoxicating. Thai society has a strong culture of taking care of others and in Thailand women still take care of men. There has never been a feminist movement whereby women declare that they are now equal and will no longer look after men.

She mentions that her son is intelligent and astute, but this makes absolutely no difference. I have received e-mails from doctors and other very intelligent Western men who have had problems with Thai girls. The part of the brain that the girls tap into is immune to astuteness and intelligence.

Your job title, IQ score, bank balance or academic qualifications make no difference. In fact, a highly intelligent man who is socially awkward and therefore more likely to be lonely in life would be far more vulnerable to the charms of a Thai girl than a not very intelligent man who has a better understanding of people.

Just don't return from a two week vacation in Phuket, having spent most of your time with a bar girl, and decide that this is the girl you are going to marry. Wait at least until your next trip. If you broach the subject of marriage after your first trip, it is on the second trip that you will be told what the girl's family expects.

This happened to a correspondent who wrote to me some years ago. He met a bar girl a lot younger than himself and, of course, she declared her undying love for him and told him that she hated her job. She was 'different to all the rest', he told me, but this is what every single Western man who meets a Thai bar girl says. The girls always convince the men that they are different, but they never are.

He wasn't that wealthy and when he returned to Thailand he visited the girl's parents in rural Isaan to discuss the wedding arrangements. They gave him their shopping list and he almost choked because what they wanted was far more than he could afford. After that, they basically threw him out of the house. So much for undying love.

Ideally, you want to spend six months or a year in Thailand with the girl. It just isn't possible to get an accurate assessment if you only spend vacations in Thailand.

I too would strongly advise not to rush into things with Thai females. You may think that you have the girls all sussed out after a couple of vacations but, believe me, there is so much about Thailand and the Thais that you will never know as a tourist, especially if you cannot speak or read Thai.

From the moment I arrived in Thailand I was always very observant. I started learning the language immediately and read a lot about the culture, but it wasn't until I had lived in Thailand permanently for four years that I even started to scratch the surface. Thais keep so much to themselves and reveal so little. I'm now in my 14th year and I still learn new things every day.

Be assured there are still lots of great girls out there but you have to be very careful how and where you meet them, and you need to spend a considerable amount of time making sure they are genuine.

Frequently Asked Questions

The FAQ that was here previously started to get quite big so I have put it on a separate page: Thai Girls FAQ.

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